Mind Purge

I'm starting the clock for a purge..

I've spent the morning out shopping yet again, running around looking for a birthday pressie for my sister. She's not really hard to buy a gift for but I hate giving the same old things so I make it a little harder. I guess that's not unusual, I tend to make things harder than they need to be.

I spoke to every member of my immediate family yesterday. A very unusual occurrence. I finished the night off with a call from a friend and as I filled him in on a few of the goings on in my family, he remarked that it's kinda fucked up. He was right! My youngest sister spent the entire time on the phone to me telling me about her w/e spent at a friends, where she got drunk and was wandering around the streets until 3am. My next sister, who has just started Uni, told me she's only skipped a couple of classes in the few weeks since she started and that she's still with the boyfriend (a MUCH older man who was a family friend). Then there's the continuing drama with my brother which carries over to my mother as well. Then there's me, right in the middle, just as fucked up as the next person and yet somehow the stable one. My older sister has taken over my previous role of being the bitch of the family, she's doing well and speaking her mind at all the right times, which is great since I've had to bite my tongue. My friend has only one sibling, so he thinks of my family as on the big side even though it is a result of several marriages. He figured since there was so many of us in the family in was only logical that we're more fucked up. I figure it serves the purpose of amusing him since my own life lacks in drama and entertainment.

Watching the F1 the other night had an unnexpected side effect on me. I found myself thinking of a former friend. He was one of the few people who really appreciated the sport and followed it as much as I do (did?), we would argue and whinge about the drivers and everything else. It was just another aspect of our friendship that fit so well. I believe that he is one person that I loved purely and completely, unconditionally. It still hurts to know that he gave up on the friendship so easily in the end.

I've had a couple of conversations about relationships this past week, as well as a conversation which resulted from the quiz I did on here. I've realised my views are a lot harder to express verbally than I would have thought. I just can't quite get it right, a lot of what I think is based on simply being open and not cutting myself off from possibilities. I do know that I'm not looking for any sort of relationship right now, which is not to say I'm not open for one if it were to come along. I also don't think I would have a "normal" relationship if I were to have one. The longer I spend out of one the more I realise I'm much happier and probably won't want to settle down into any sort of socially expected partnership. I'm happy to be on my own and to stay that way. Which is a relatively new feeling for me.

Well my 30min is up and this has been a rather boring purge, but hopefully I'll be able to blog properly over the next few days.

Keep Smiling! :-)