Momentum

I've spent the last seven years raising lil boy

This has been my life and I enjoy every moment

Somewhere along the way I sacrificed myself

I never intended to be doing this on my own

My personal goals and dreams faded through time

Now they're in focus and I'm reaching out to grab them

I've begun to study again and it feels so foreign to me

I'm redefining myself and changing my life

By no means is this simple, it is at times overwhelming

The rewards may still be out of sight but they're closer!

Released

Much of my adult life has been spent in emotional turmoil

Varying degrees of confusion between erratic highs and lows

It seems strange to be feeling a sense of calm now

I've made some serious decisions in recent weeks

The most important ones have been within my own mind

My heart and mind are free of unnecessary, unhealthy, burdens

I've realised that I can be a very strong and capable woman!

New Dawn

I've always thought of myself as mostly independent

I have a handful of friends who I trust and adore

I have my family in and out of my life in varying degrees

It takes a lot for me to ask for help from anyone

So almost no one knows when I get to my lowest points

There has been a fair few of them in recent years

The beginning of this year has been one of my worst

Yet I'm thankful for that and I've learnt from it.

I've always believed that happiness is a choice

We choose each minute, day, week or year to be happy, or not

I've known that I control this within my own circumstances

But it is only now that I have consciously made a choice

I am not going to waste any more of my time away

I am not going to shed more tears for someone else's choices

I've taken steps to follow my own dream and I'm excited

I'm living my life for me again and it's about bloody time!

Thankyou Boys

The last few months have been hard for me

Without you I would have fallen apart completely

Both of you have such wonderful and special souls

So different in so many ways and so similar in others

The simple knowledge that you are there for me

Gives me comfort and strength normally beyond me

I consider myself lucky to have someone to count on

Your friendship is immensely important to me

Totally free of judgement and prejudices

I wish that I could give you as much as you do me

Please know that I love and appreciate all that you are!

Not My World

A world that had been carefully constructed was left in ruins

This was a world that had been designed and built entirely for me

Each piece placed carefully, meticulously even, one after another

Slowly the world had encircled me completely, I could see nothing else

Each and every particle in this world was tainted ever so subtly

Not noticable when seen as a whole, only evident when examined individually

Like a house of cards it fell into ruin when the pieces revealed the lies

Seven Tomorrow

Sometimes it feels like yesterday

Other times it feels like eons have passed

Little boy has given me so much of everything!

For me the things that really matter are those felt with the heart

From the very first time I felt him move within me

Through each day Little boy has given me more than I could have imagined

Even the "bad" days of a Little boy pushing the limits end with "I love you
mum"

I never knew emotions, feelings, could be felt so strongly and completely

The immeasurable joy of his birth, the limitless and unconditional love

The overwhelming pride when he spoke his first words

The sheer happiness when he shakily took his first steps

The complete confidence that he can, will, accomplish anything he chooses

The joint sorrow and pleasure of his first day at school

The impenetrable fear and pain when we came so close to losing him

So much of what I feel is beyond what any words could even begin to express

I wonder whether I'm a good mother, but I know that I'm the best I can be

Learning more each passing day of what being a Mother truly means

Not only appreciating each day but cherishing every moment!

Out of My Way

Just when I think I know what I'm doing

When I've decided what I want, for me

When I take the time to put myself first

Something always gets in the way

I have time now to find myself again

Little boy is getting older now

I am able to take time without taking it from him

Who am I now, who do I really want to become