Surviving the Days ... and the Weeks and the Torment.


Words I write don't necessarily make sense to you... I don't expect them to, maybe I don't even want them to... The thoughts are written fragmented and incomplete! I do not write for any form of external validation.. What you read may not have the same meaning as what I write... But do not underestimate the personal significance of my words! An essential part of who I am is only evident in my writing... It had been locked away after it was used against me... Everything you need, in order to hurt me, is right here!

Sunday, December 31, 2006

Update in a Nutshell

Well the Christmas season is apparently over for another year. I travelled up the coast last week to give Mum and her sister a hand with the preparations. For two days we shopped, cooked and laughed the time away. The following two days were spent eating, drinking and a little more laughing. We had enough food to feed several small countries (or at least almost 30 of us) for both xmas lunch and dinner: turkey, ham, pork, chicken, roast veggies, several salads. Followed by pavlova, fruit mince pies, tiramisu, frozen christmas dessert and banoffi pie for dessert. If we weren't eating we were preparing the next meal.

Best friend, his g/f and their boy Jett (almost as beautiful as my Little Boy but with a little more fur) made it up for a few days and met most of my family for the first time. He's still talking to me so it can't have been too traumatic for them all. Jett provided endless hours of entertainment playing with my Aunty's girls (also rather furry) and best friend played the hero by putting out a fire.

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Little Boy joined us for Christmas day and enjoyed being completely spoilt by Santa and the family. He had to head back to his Dad and their camping trip the next morning. I'll be spending New Year without him again, before he comes home later in the week.

I made it home yesterday and had my last xmas dinner for the year at my brother's place, where Little Miss had the good fortune of being on the receiving end of the spoils this time. Another enjoyable night with a little too much to drink but all in all I'm so glad it's all over.

Now as another year comes to an end I'm left wondering if I'm being all I can be and doing all I can do. We take many things for granted but this past week has reaffirmed for me that family and friends should never be among those things.

Perhaps the dawn of a new year will bring with it some insight. Catch you all in 2007. Keep Smiling!

Friday, December 29, 2006

Is it over yet?

I made it home

A rather enjoyable xmas break

Tired now, need sleep

Will update tomorrow

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Some-bloody*-thing

So I've been a little on the quiet side. I've been lurking around and keeping up with all of you though!

I found a little Christmas cheer these last couple of weeks and have managed to get all of my shopping done, saving me the much feared and loathed trip of christmas eve shopping. Little Boy has just left with his Dad, leaving me alone for the night with plenty to do in order to be ready to leave tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll be heading north with Mum and helping her get things ready for the ever growing family christmas gathering. This will be the first year in many that we'll be spending the festive season with my Aunty and cousins, never short of a drama, it should be an interesting few days. So far there's only one thing on my list of "I know nothing" dramas which may or may not be a point of contention.

As this is most likely the last christmas mum will be around, at least for now, I'm hoping it goes smoothly enough. I just re-read that line, my mother is not dying or at least no quicker than any of us who each day become one day closer to death, she's just setting off travelling in the new year and will be gone for as many years as it takes. She's living her dream which was put off for all these years for the sake of us kids, and then the grandkids. Okay I've gone off on a tangent there and completely forgotten the point I was going to make.

Anyway, I haven't left many comments around here lately, but I hope you know that I'm thinking of you all. Hopefully words will become my friend again sometime soon and I'll be able to stop babbling and actually put some coherent (I'm not that fussy they only have to be coherent to me) sentences and thoughts together again. In the meantime...

I just wanted to wish you all a very enjoyable Christmas.
I hope that you spend the time with those you love,
doing whatever it is that makes you happy.

[SIZE="3"][COLOR="SandyBrown"]A little something from me to you![/COLOR][/SIZE]



* That was just for you FH hehe

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Overdue Purge

Okay I'm starting the clock and seeing what comes out in the next 30min.

I've been trying to blog for a few days but just haven't managed to get even a line on the screen so I figure this is the way to go. I've been a little on the down side I guess you could say. Well actually not really down as such, just kinda blah.

I haven't even begun to get organised for Christmas yet. I'm not feeling the festive mood yet and it all just seems like a lot of work. Little Boy wants to get the tree up this week and I keep wondering if it's even worthwhile since we won't even be here for christmas and he will only be home one weekend in the meantime, but we'll do it anyway. I am looking forward to getting away for the week around Christmas and hopefully bestie coming away too and getting to spend some time with him and his girlfriend.

The recent contact from a friend I thought had gone forever took me by surprise, to say the least. I've been through a roller coaster of emotions from just a few simple emails, from sheer joy in hearing from them to sadness for their situation and anger for all the unanswered questions I have. I'm not the most patient of people and so the waits in between contact annoy the hell out of me. It would be so much easier for me if I could just get a few things sorted right now, no more what if's or wondering. It annoys the hell out of me that the situation is consuming so much of my thoughts too, yet I can't help it.

I'm not generally a very forgiving person I don't think. It takes a lot to really get to me or to lose my trust and friendship but once it's gone it is usually gone for good. I don't see the point in wasting time on people who have hurt me before or who are entirely selfish. But there are always exceptions. There are some people who could (and have) caused a hell of a lot of pain and yet I'll still be here for them. I can't even really explain what makes them different to other people other than the connection I have with them. There is a problem with this though, in that it isn't exactly easy to regain that friendship after being burnt. I'm working on it and doing the only thing I can, being honest, but I'm worried it won't be enough and I'll only end up hurt again. Meh!

It's only been 17min but I don't want to keep going down the track that my mind apparently does. Apologies for this rather bland and boring entry folks but it's not in me to delete it.