Surviving the Days ... and the Weeks and the Torment.


Words I write don't necessarily make sense to you... I don't expect them to, maybe I don't even want them to... The thoughts are written fragmented and incomplete! I do not write for any form of external validation.. What you read may not have the same meaning as what I write... But do not underestimate the personal significance of my words! An essential part of who I am is only evident in my writing... It had been locked away after it was used against me... Everything you need, in order to hurt me, is right here!

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Who Am I?

Some people see me as a pillar of strength,
others see me as being in some perpetual state of happiness.
Most people realise that neither can be completely true.

Some people see me simply as a single mother,
some see me as an always open sounding board,
some see me as a hollow shell for them to mindlessly fill.
Most people realise I am a bitch.

A bitch to me is not a negative!

I am always a single mother,
I am most times willing to be a sounding board,
I am some times willing to be a hollow shell mindlessly filled,
And I am most definitely a bitch.

I speak my mind in an honest and sometimes too blunt a fashion,
I don't make time for bullshit, nor do I wish for friends to put up with bullshit.
Yet kindness towards those I care for comes easily and naturally.

I am not immune to sorrow or pain.
Friends can hurt me.
I do feel!

People recently have caused me pain,
whether intentionally or not,
to say it is not "personal" makes little difference!

In this same time a new friend has emerged,
I am not seen simply as a single mother,
I am not seen as an always open sounding board,
I am not seen as a hollow shell,
I am given the freedom to be me.

But now I struggle to realise that I have become lost in other peoples expectations of who I am and who I am to be!

Monday, August 30, 2004

Being

My entire reason for being

The reason I've kept myself going

The incentive to get out of bed each day

The one that made me realise the true meaning of love and life

The one that has taught me more than any other could even imagine

Yet I still FUCK UP!

Sunday, August 08, 2004

Helpless

It is hard to see somebody you love go through pain.

It is harder still when you have no comparable situation in your own history.

I claim no knowledge of another person's pain, only my own.

However, I am not completely without empathy.

But what good is empathy?

I am sympathetic, but what good is that?

I am heartbroken that someone I love is feeling so much pain and there is not a thing I can do to alleviate that feeling or make it any better!