Big Little

After spending the week with you, I'm more concerned

I think you're making a huge mistake, one that may cost dearly

You want to be all grown up; have a grown up relationship

Yet you are acting foolish and childish, out of your depth

He has what he wants without relinquishing his freedom

I'm starting to think you are being manipulated, played with

Skilfully done to keep you in the dark, an unknowing accomplice

You aid him with his objectives, it may be too late when you realise

Your stubborn and wilful streak will make it hard for you to return

Your life should be so much more at this time, so full, carefree

You don't need to grow up this much, this quickly, just yet

So many people disagree with your choices, we may not all be wrong...

Hello World

"He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts."

I feel like I'm in a world all of my own

Each day seemingly no different from the last

The monotony is becoming tiresome

Plans in place to break the cycle, waiting...

Tried to force inspiration, creativity, without success

Still struggling quietly with habit breaking

Replacement is getting old, need to find new

Brings me back to lacking creative inspiration, can't force

World of my own making, few inhabitants, less visitors....

"I'm every nightmare you've ever had. I'm your worst dream come true.
I'm everything you ever were afraid of. "

Substitute for a Real blog

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things. Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life. You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation. You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon. Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall. You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others. At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults. Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion. A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

What Temperment Are You?

This is just so off the mark! Who ever wrote it must be too simple to put something together that actually comes close to truth...

Hmmm narcissistic and a "bit of a misanthrope" they say.. pfftt ;-)

Starting the Clock

I'm putting 30min on the clock, for the first time since I made the move over to here, and having a mind purge. For those of you who don't know, s.i.c came up with this type of post, which is timed and unedited, basically a stream of consciousness type thing. So here goes....

I had my grandfather's funeral yesterday. I've rarely had to deal with death, not close to me anyway. I've only ever been to three funerals, all of them have been vastly different. I pretty much take death as part of life, it will happen to us all eventually.

Both of my biological grandfathers passed away last year, I didn't shed a single tear for either of them and I didn't attend either of their funerals. I didn't know one of them at all, I'd literally met him once. The other I hadn't seen for a number of years, he was an angry, rude bastard for as long as I could remember, we called him "Crank". I'd never liked him and couldn't pretend to simply because he had died. I don't see the point in showing something you don't feel.

Yesterday was different, this was the man I had thought of as my Grandfather my entire life. He was my Mum's step-father but he was the only man she ever considered her Dad. He was a gentleman and he will be missed. He is much better off now than he had been at the end.

With a death there is always that time of reflection. Of wondering if life is being lived as much as it could be. This with the dawn of a new year and the fact that it is my birthday today is adding to my period of reflection. Each new day of this year has been a long one for me. I made a promise to Little Boy several months ago (when I failed my last attempt) to give up smoking when the new year came around. I have kept that promise, it has obviously been a huge motivation but it hasn't made the cravings any less. I am getting older and feeling it too. I know I'm not "old" but I'm beginning to feel it. Perhaps it has something to do with how I've been keeping my hands occupied while giving up smoking, but I feel much older than my years.

I'm the youngest of my mother's children (the eldest for my father). I've always been a "little sis". Naturally the age gap diminishes when you reach adulthood and continues to shrink. Having spent a lot of time with my brother in recent months that age gap seems to have inverted itself and I feel like his older sister at times. I'm finding it strange.

Little boy has been gone for almost 2 weeks. I've spoken to him twice in that time. I miss him. He will be home again early next week and we have a few weeks of holidays to fill in. I'm looking forward to spending the time with him. Hopefully we'll head down to my fathers for a week and be able to enjoy some of the summer in and around the river. He's growing up so quickly, his b'day is only about a month away. Time passes by without us even noticing. Sometimes it feels like months and years have gone by in the blink of an eye. Little boy's first words, first steps were not so long ago.

Well 30min is up, I'm a little all over the place today, but there you have it...

Keep Smiling ;-)

Mini Purge

A belated Happy New Year to you all! I've just been around and had a quick catch up of the last few days blogs (I'm reading even if not commenting).

I'm glad to be at home and looking forward to sleeping in my own bed. I wish that my reason for not being here the last few days was worth mentioning (for example it would be good if I'd been out partying all w/e and the drought had finally broken) but it really isn't.

The rest of my week consists of tonight and tomorrow at home, a night babysitting niece, a funeral and a birthday. All of this as I deal with the consequences of keeping a promise to Little Boy.

After reading Libertine's blog I just did the test and discovered I am an INFJ personality. Interesting descriptions Here and here, not sure how much of it I agree with but there is some.

Hopefully by the end of the week I should be back to my irregular regular postings. ;-)