Snap Shot of My Life: Why did you do that?

As we waited for a friend yesterday, Little boy walked up gave me a cuddle and I leaned down and gave him a kiss on the forehead, this is what followed...

Drew: Why did you do that mum?

Me: Kiss you? don't you like it?

Drew: No, I just wanted to know why..

Me: Just 'cos I can..

Drew: Oh...... but isn't that gay?

(I picked my chin up off the ground)

Me: No

Drew: Oh...... so is holding hands gay?

(I wiped the sweat from my brow and hoped like hell our friends would arrive to get me out of this, at least for the moment)

Me: No, that's not gay either

Drew: Oh.....

(very serious contemplative look upon his face and I knew it was coming but still held the hope that I would be rescued)

Drew: So what is gay?

Seeing Red

I'm still the difficult bitch

I won't sit back quietly!

I won't be trampled on by you

I'm not the naive girl I once was!

Selfish, childish behaviour

Which has only one victim

I refuse to enable you!

My skin crawls, blood boils

You let down just one person

He should be able to count on you!

When will you grow up, be a man?

He will one day see what it is you do

He will one day see where he fits in

He will see you for what you are

Time for change is running out!

Empty Spaces

Patience is not one of my strong points

I've had to wait on others and it shits me

I've had to slow myself down, almost stopped

I like getting the momentum up and keeping it up

It takes less energy to keep the pace than to make it

If I struggled for motivation I'd be more patient..

On a different note...

I've taken a different approach

Made a slight change in thought pattern

I'm actively seeking something I haven't had

The process a little daunting, yet informative

I'm tired of sitting stagnant and feeling this..

On a final note...

I picked up the phone to call him yesterday

I so wanted to talk to him, hear his voice

I knew what he would say, I didn't call

How can so much suddenly mean so little

I promised myself I wouldn't cry, tears fell..

Pick Me Up

My favourite form of escapism is a day in the city

I sit back and watch the people around me, and write

It's been a few weeks since I've had this indulgence.

I often watch the children, with their families in the park


Two families sat, opposite ends of the park, enjoying the day

Each family had a young boy, about three or four years old

The boys ran around constantly, chasing birds from the grass

I watched as one boy fell, flat on his face, his mother watched, smiling

There was a brief look of shock on the boy's face, then he picked himself up!

Not once but several times the boy fell, each time picking himself up.

The other boy fell too, flat on his face, his mother to her feet before the dust settled

The tears streamed down the young boy's face as he lay there on the ground

His mother picked him up into her arms, cuddling him and soothing him with words

Not once but several times the boy fell, each time waiting for his mother to pick him up!


Most of my life I've been like the first boy, picking myself up and dealing with life

Of course there are times when I've needed help, gratefully accepted it and moved on

Why is it then that so many people in my life have been just like that second boy

People who believe the world is against them, unable to pick themselves up

They lay on the ground crying, just waiting for someone to lean down to them yet again

People who never knew they could pick themselves up and feel some pride in doing so

Self Sufficient

For a long time I found it difficult to be alone, single

I felt a deep need to throw myself into "loving" a man

I'd fall hard and fast and inevitably get my heart broken

The falling for and learning all about someone is exhilarating!

Only in the last few years I've not felt that absolute need

I've learnt to be happy with myself, for the most part, and single

I still fell in love and had my heart broken, but I handled it!

I continue to grow and learn more about myself as each day passes

In no way do I crave a man right now, or need one to "complete" me

But I wouldn't mind a cock every now and then..

Pensive

Pride:

"A sense of one's own proper dignity or value; self-respect"

Does it help or hinder?

Is it related to Shame:

"A painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace"

I have a (un?)healthy dose of each..

Rare Occasion

Five people in my sis' poor little car was quite interesting

Dad and his back seat driving rather amusing, irritating

Dad driving, doing best to embarrass all, more amusing!

Drinking the night away with family rarely seen, different

Grandma' turning 80, when no one expected her to, warming

Dad pleased not to be the most annoying or embarrassing there

Tee-totaller aunty throwing back a cs cowboy or two, hilarious

We don't choose family, but that's why we choose when to see them!

Another Day

The irony is not lost on me

An afternoon spent correcting grammar and the like

I then turn to this outlet, which lacks any real form of grammar


Many different thoughts have been floating within today

A little retrospective, still unable to look objectively

Some pain, some sadness, but for the most part content


Drew is quite happily playing behind me

His usual obsession keeping him loud and busy

What I would give to be so easily occupied


The music is playing around us

BEP, Lenny Kravitz and The Cure among others

All adding to the soundtrack of our lives on this day