It all started with...
It all started with an insult!
Walking home from the shops this afternoon Little Boy looked at me and said "You look pregnant." and when I replied "you mean I look fat?" his only response then was "that's your words not mine!" Very diplomatic of him I know. Well the conversation then went from bad to worse as they tend to do in these situations while Little Boy persisted in telling me I "could" be pregnant and even as I insisted that I really wasn't nor could I be, the inevitable "why?" came out of his mouth.
"Cause..." was the first word out and I was very tempted, in true Mum fashion, just to leave it at that but thought better(?) of it and added "there'd need to be a father." Now I've always known that The Talk would come one day I guess I just hoped it wouldn't be any time soon. At the same time I'd much prefer he got his information from me in some way first, rather than on the playground at school or from his father!
This is when it got really awkward as Little Boy's first reaction was that his father could be it. I think I did very well not to burst into a tirade of swearing or just vomit. I managed to keep composure and just assure him that wasn't going to be the case, which opened me up to more questions of; "does it have to be the same father?" - "No." - "Does it have to be a different father?" - "No." at which point he stopped talking and took a moment to think things through. So I took the opportunity to try and squirm my way out of this (at least until we were home) without shrugging him off and told him I'd get out a book for him to read tonight.
I just couldn't stop myself though, I'm naturally a stirrer even when it comes to Little Boy. After his less than enthusiastic response to having to read a book on the vague subject I added; "it tells you all about sex!" there it was, the one little word I'd tried to avoid and it was now his turn to squirm!
He made various "ewww" noises and covered his face as he backed off the subject he'd unknowingly started. I was in full swing now, it was out I didn't care how many times I said it, sex sex sex. I asked if he knew what it was and initially he said yes but wasn't keen on telling me what it was. I tried going around it a little differently and asked him who had talked about it or what he'd seen that made him know what it was and he wasn't sure. So I tried another approach and asked him "who does it then?" expecting the standard answer of "a man and a woman" but never one to disappoint Little Boy instead almost instantly replied with "Homer!"
I eventually stopped laughing as Little Boy quite willingly told me of Marge and Homer having sex in an episode he's apparently "seen at least five times." (a sign of things to come?) Now I'm used to many things Little Boy sees being related back to things he's seen in The Simpsons and while I didn't expect this particular one I did use it to my advantage.
So, by the time we got home I had worked out that Little Boy was at least on the right track with sex, what it was and who did it. We walked in the driveway, the conversation well over, Little Boy dawdling along behind me muttering to himself as he very often does and I hear "S - E - X... S-E-X". Obviously I don't need to tell him how to spell it.
Within minutes of being inside he actually asked me for the book and he is currently behind me with his nose stuck in Where Did I Come From? and there's been a few little snickers and one loud burst of laughter, so far. Well it's as good a place as any to start...
