Everybody is doing it...

Well my computer is fixed, not that there was all that much wrong with it.. it just didn't like to stay on.. I did this the other day but didn't get to post it..



Some of it is surprisingly accurate.. the rest is bullshit.. you decide..

You are an Analyst


Your attention to detail, confidence, sense of order, and focus on functionality combine to make you an ANALYST.


You are very curious about how things work, delving into the mechanics behind things.


Along those lines, how well something works is usually more important to you than what it looks like.


You find beauty and wonder mainly in concrete, functional, earthly things.


You are very aware of your own abilities, and you believe that you will find the best way of doing things.


Accordingly, problems do not intimidate you, as you believe in yourself.


You trust yourself to find solutions within the boundaries of your knowledge.


You don't spend a lot of time imagining how things could be different—you're well-grounded in the here-and-now.


It is important for you to follow a routine, and you prefer the familiar to the unknown.


Your independent streak allows you to make decisions efficiently and to trust your instincts


You do your own thing when it comes to clothing, guided more by practical concerns than by other people's notions of style.


Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you.


If you want to be different:

Try to embrace the imaginative, creative part of your personality more often.


Try moving beyond the things that you find comfortable—open yourself up to a broader range of experiences.
how you relate to others


You are Advocating


Being social, empathic, and understanding makes you ADVOCATING.


Some people find being around others exhausting—but not you! You are energized by spending time with friends, and you are good at meeting new people.


One of the reasons you enjoy conversation as much as you do is that you often learn about yourself while talking things out with a friend; you realize things about your own beliefs while discussing them with others.


You have insight into what others are thinking and feeling. This ability allows you to be happy for others, and to commiserate when something has gone wrong for them.


You are highly compassionate, and being conscious of how things affect those close to you leaves you cautious about trusting others too hastily.


Despite these reservations, you are open-minded when it comes to your worldview; you don't look to impose your ways on others.


Your sensitivity towards others' plights contributes to an understanding—both intellectual and emotional—of many different perspectives.


As someone who understands the complexities of the world around you, you are reluctant to pass judgments.


Your independent streak allows you to make decisions efficiently and to trust your instincts


You do your own thing when it comes to clothing, guided more by practical concerns than by other people's notions of style.


Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you.


If you want to be different:


While it's important to think about others, don't forget to take some time for yourself, and occassionally to put yourself first.


Take some time to spend with a few close friends; although it's difficult to find people to trust, it's worth the effort.


When you have great ideas, it can be hard to relinquish control, but it can also feel good to take the pressure off and enjoy someone else leading the way.

Who's Old Now?

I looked at my father a little over a week ago and realised that not only is he bald (he's been bald a long time) but he is now quite grey. Before I knew it words had left my mouth and were not so welcome. For his b'day he received red hairspray (not from me) to cover his grey hair and he wore it proudly. He was told stories of a friend of a friend who'd dropped dead the day after he turned 50. He laughed it all off, saying he had 6 more days 'til his actual b'day.

The night before his b'day a celebratory dinner was being cooked and a couple from down the road were invited. As my father sat at the table waiting for his guests and his dinner he let out a sudden scream of pain, slid off his chair and landed on the floor clutching his leg. My sisters fired questions at him to find out what was wrong and were told he had a cramp. While my 16yr old sister burst into laughter, my (only slightly) more considerate 18yr old sister grabbed Dad's foot and bent it back and forwards to try to relieve the pain. Dad's loud moans of pain continued, the cramp was in his thigh and not his foot. My thoughtful sister also considered this a good time to remind Dad (a smoker of 40yrs) that he should give up smoking as she's seen the ads about gangrene in the feet of smokers. Dad's thoughts, meanwhile, were of the friend of a friend who dropped dead, deciding he was about to go two days early. !6yr old continued with her uncontrollable laughter and as all this happened the guests walked in the door.

I was told all of this over the phone when I called on Dad's b'day to see how 50 felt. I had pains in my stomach from laughing by the time he decided I was as bad as 16yr old and handed the phone over to her.

Karma can be a bitch.

Today as I stood in front of the mirror, brushing my hair and considering a haircut, my heart skipped a beat. I leant in a little closer (I even thought of going to get my glasses). I segregated one hair with my fingertips and tugged. I looked at it from root to tip, my jaw dropped. It was grey! Horrified I looked back into the mirror, leaning in close separating my hair slowly. I found two more! That's when I decided to stop looking.

For a few minutes I was fascinated by the strand of hair I held in my fingers. Twisting it and pulling it. Ive never looked so closely at a single strand, it was so white, appearing almost clear. It came from MY head.

I'm only 27 for fuck's sake!

Quick One

Ok, first of all...

My brand new computer has issues, so I'm on Tom's at the moment 'cos I wanted to do a quick post (the next one). I should have my computer fixed in the next couple of days.

I can't go visiting right now so my blog alerts will have to wait but I just wanted to say to..

Dani, if I miss you before you leave, have a GREAT holiday hun! Make sure you blog your adventures and share plenty of photos with us all!

Phil, enjoy your trip with your family! You don't have to blog while you're away but take plenty of photos ;-)

There now that my life lived vicariously through others has been put into place I'm happy.

Keep Smiling folks.

A Half Century on the River

Well I've been back a few days but have only been able to jump on the computer here and there. In 45min House is on, Little Boy is in bed reading but I still have to get Little Miss there, so what I don't get written right now just has to wait.

The couple of days away was fairly relaxing (I wrote about my father's place a while ago (here) if you want to read about where "away" is...). One of my sisters informed me that it was the first time I'd been down to see them without Little Boy. Once I started to think about that it kinda spun me out. In just over 8yrs I've not been "away" without the boy, mind you he's been down plenty of times without me. I had Tom there to (at least sometimes) act like the child I was missing.

My mind was also spinning at the fact that the main reason I was there was for Dad's 50th b'day. My Mum informed me that he'd told her she was "over the hill" at age 26 and that I could now return the message to him. I've never thought of my Dad as old (not that 50 is all that old) but it's such a nice round number it's only natural to think about it now. There are other times though, when I think he seems well and truly past the half century. There was one moment (or three) while I was there, I wondered if early onset dementia hadn't kicked in. On being asked about CD's he might be interested in he proceeded to tell us, in a long-winded rant, that he needed the CD put on, play/record hit on the tape deck and the music put on cassette. When asked why, his only response was something about being able to listen to it while my sisters weren't home to use the cd player for him.

I was also reminded that he is relatively young to have a 27yr old daughter, he was a grandfather at 41. Each time I go down for a party I'm introduced to people, some I've known for up to twenty years. For some it is a simple reminder, or a reminder to me that I'll never be a local like the rest of them. I've come to the realisation that I will always be the "forgotten daughter". Some remember me as a child or as the rebellious teen (helped by my father's stories of being called to the vice principal's office) who left the small town for the big city.

I've been sidetracked... where was I.. oh yes, the weekend and the party..

The weekend started out with a day in town. The typical small-town markets and walking around for a few photos (playing with new toy). We ended up in the park to watch the music which was part of the "River of Art festival" we'd unknowingly arrived in time for. The only thing of note to come from that was seeing The Spooky Men perform, the first time wasn't bad anyway. Oh and the whining of Tom that his "hot chocolate was too hot" and so he couldn't return to the park to see a former "party pash" perform was amusing. The latter part of the afternoon was spent watching my sisters play hockey. It was the first time I'd seen them play and as hockey was never a sport I played, or had any involvement in, I had no clue what was happening and Tom wasn't any help. But we endured the freezing wind and sat shivering through the entire game.

We got home to dinner being cooked by friends who'd arrived from Canberra that afternoon. It didn't seem at all strange to me that when we all left the house that morning it wasn't locked (it never is). The visitors let themselves in when they arrived, revved up the stove and put some wood in to begin getting dinner. The suggestion alone of leaving a house unlocked in most places would result in stakeouts and break-ins by the laziest of crooks.

That'd be bloody right.. House is a repeat.. but the kids are in bed..

Sunday was party day. I have fond memories of "River parties" as a kid. Everyone who was anyone along the dirt road to town would get together for birthdays, or any other excuse. It was always BYO grog and meat for the barbie. The adults would all sit around the place chatting and telling stories, while us kids would run around sneaking bottles of beer nobody missed and laughing at our parents as the night grew late. The atmosphere was always very relaxed, we were hardly ever told what to do, afterall we couldn't really go further than the river (nor would we want to after dark, it could be more than a little creepy). Things haven't changed all that much in the last twenty years. I don't have to sneak beers anymore, I can take my own grog.

So anyway, we made it home Monday afternoon in plenty of time for me to pick up Little Boy from school and take him to swimming. I've had Little Miss since yesterday afternoon and will have her 'til tomorrow sometime. I'll also be picking up my new computer tomorrow!

Depending on just how much time I spend playing with my new toys and working out what the hell I'm doing.. I should have some photos up within a few days (nothing exciting mind you). There you have it, the past weekend summed up into a boring little blog entry, only a few days too late.

:-)

Back Soon

Inspiration and motivation lacking this week

I'm heading away for a few days

Will be back next week to catch up

Keep Smiling folks ;-)

The sun doesn't really go into the water...

Little Boy has taken great pleasure this past week in telling me, "I might have a present for you Mum, or I might not!" I find it a little scarey that he can keep a secret so well at such an age, surely he'll only get better. Not once was he tempted to tell me any more than that one line, and I didn't ask. His secret keeping has been proven before. He managed to keep my birthday pressies secret for months, literally. I was blown away back then at the extent of his secret keeping skills. But I digress..

Yesterday we spent a few hours at my sis' place looking through old photos in search of one in particular (quite the task and not quite successful). We made it home around dinner time. Little Boy locked himself away in the bedroom and gave me strict instructions that I was to stay on the computer and out of his way. As he was getting ready for bed he thought out loud, "You don't eat breakfast Mum, so I won't bring you that in bed.." to which I smiled and told him that was okay. He then told me, "The only things you have to do tomorrow is get dressed and cook... oh and go to the shops." As I tucked him into bed, turned his music down and kissed him goodnight, his final words of the day were "I want you up at 8, that's when I'll be ready!"

He woke me up this morning very proud of himself as he'd already had breakfast and got dressed without being asked. He then came in gave me a kiss and a cuddle and said "Happy Mother's Day" as he handed me his self-made card. "I drew it all myself and it was all my own ideas," he told me. Then he proceeded to hand me three presents which I opened, still half asleep, as he sat beside me. He told me that he headn't chosen two of them, a mug and some bath salts, but told me he'd chosen the last. It was a wooden, book-like photo album with a frame on the front in the shape of a heart. He went on to say, "There was one with a circle on the front, but I chose this one so that you can put a photo of me in there, because you love me."

We spent the rest of the morning laying on my bed chatting and watching music videos. The array of questions he came out with ranged from, "Why do we have white skin but other people have black?" all the way through to "How was gravity invented?" He thinks we're very lucky that we haven't fallen off the face of the earth, living "Down Under" and all.

What more could I possibly need..

Happy Mother's day to all of you Mums!

But...

I think I should have skipped the computer/online world today

It's done nothing but cause me trouble and pain

So okay maybe I bring it on myself, just a little

It started out innocently enough when I jumped online

I only wanted to check mail and say hello to people

Nothing worked, not even email, and I gave up quite quickly

Choosing instead to back-up and clean-up bits and pieces

BIG MISTAKE

I've spent well over an hour reading old chats and emails

From one particular person, some from as long as 3yrs ago

I don't see this person anymore, I doubt I'd really know him now

Maybe I didn't know him then, but thinking that hurts too much

The words which were so powerful when first expressed, now empty

Not a day goes by that I don't think of him, hope he's well.. happy

I even thought that I was okay with, most likely, never seeing him again

I'm not! Just reading the words, I felt a fraction of how he made me feel

I was reminded of what I am missing out on, of what had been, what is gone

I have never felt the strength of those emotions with anyone else

Words simply can not do justice, they never could, no one ever understood us

We weren't partners, not in a relationship.. We didn't need to be

That he was in my life at all, for the years he was, I am thankful..

His absence has left a void, that I thought would heal, I'm not so sure anymore.

It seems so pointless, so hurtful and unnecessary, I'm still lost...

I don't know if I'm capable of feeling so strongly, so completely, again...

Two Weeks

They've made it to the surface!

The two miners, Todd Russell and Brant Webb, walked out of the mine this morning! The Beaconsfield Church Bell rang out to awake the town and tell them the good news. The men walked out and handed out business cards, entitled "The Great Escape", thanking all those who took part in the rescue. Amazingly they are not expected to stay long in hospital (although, I just heard on the radio, there has been a minor hold up for some reason at the hospital) and both are likely to attend the funeral of Larry Knight, the miner who died in the rock collapse on 25th April, later this afternoon.

These guys spent longer underground than the first two evictees of Big Brother spent locked up on the Gold Coast!

The human spirit is an amazing thing! I don't think these men know just how much their lives have changed. They'll find out soon enough and hopefully make the most of every opportunity that comes their way in the coming weeks.


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And on a completely unrelated note...

I was too chicken to do this one back when Ben did it and it first did the rounds. Now I have, so go and take a look.. now!

My Nohari Window and Johari Window

Having Heart

Sometimes there are stories in the news which really hit you. They can break your heart and lift it, both in the same instant. These stories can take on a life of their own and grip a city or a nation. There are two such stories that touched me this week and you'd have to be pretty cold for them not to hit at least one heart string.

The story that has taken over our national news here in Aus. is that of the two miners in Tasmania. These men have been trapped 1km below the ground since 25th April. When the mine first collapsed three men were missing, it took four (maybe five) days for searchers to find a body. It was a horrible story and I don't think many expected any joy to come from it. A day later and the news broke that they had found the other two miners.. alive! That was a week ago and the men are still underground. Today began with yet another setback. Yet the miners have not lost spirit, how can you not feel for them..

The second story which hit me this week was that of little Sophie Delezio. Sophie is a five-year old girl who is no stranger to pain, or the media. In December 2003 she was at pre-school when a car crashed through the building and trapped her, and Molly Wood, underneath it before it burst into flames. All of Sydney, and Australia, felt for the girls and watched as they made their recovery and eventually left hospital. Sophie had burns to 90% of her body and yet it was her smile as she left the hospital which really hit home. Now you wouldn't think it could get much worse for little Sophie or her family.. On Friday afternoon Sophie was being pushed in her pram by her god-mother at a school crossing and was hit by a car. She was airlifted to the Childrens Hospital where she remains in ICU. This little girl has lived through more pain than anyone should in five lifetimes..

Strength of character and spirit doesn't just come with age and experience. The smallest of little girls and the toughest of men can show it in equal quantity. They can also bring out the humanity and heart of millions of others.

Visit www.wishesforsophie.com to see just an example of the support.

What to Give

I've not surrounded myself with people for ego's sake

I've been uncharacteristically lucky with my friends

I'm not overly needy, I enjoy my own space and company

I know that my friends are there if and when I do need them

I would give anything to help when they need it, to lift them

A few weeks self-imposed solitude, I spoke to my best friend

I often wonder whether our friendship is level, if I give enough

I will rarely ask for help, I don't want to become a burden

I feel a need to be the strong woman people claim to see

Mostly I feel anything but strong, more likely inadequate

I focus on others in the hope that nobody will notice

I don't feel worthy of that which is offered to me

My best friend offers me so much, without even realising

He makes it feel safe to be me...

In a nutshell..

Did you all miss me?*

I was going to start the clock but I'm skipping that step and just typing until I stop. I've been very slack around here and I apologise to all of you that I haven't managed to keep up to date with, I will get there.

Drew went back to school today and so I have a few hours (which should be full of many, many domestic and useful things) which I've spent sitting at the computer and on and off the phone.

My absence has been mostly (partly?) well spent time. Drew insisted on another visit to the Zoo during his holidays, so we spent the day there on Wednesday last week. I was reminded just how much I want a decent camera. We had Little Miss with us for a few days during the week, she's still cute. Saturday we spent at WSID, for a Test and Tune day, watching my bro in-law take his car out for the first full day. I was again reminded just how much I want a decent camera. Drew had a great day, but then it's hard not to with all the sights, sounds and smells of some great drag cars.

So that's basically it in a nutshell. I've been rather withdrawn for a week or two and I'm not completely sure of the reasoning. I'm trying to fill in the blanks in my own head but I'm missing a few pieces. Maybe everything will just go back to normal now..

* feel free to lie!