But...

I think I should have skipped the computer/online world today

It's done nothing but cause me trouble and pain

So okay maybe I bring it on myself, just a little

It started out innocently enough when I jumped online

I only wanted to check mail and say hello to people

Nothing worked, not even email, and I gave up quite quickly

Choosing instead to back-up and clean-up bits and pieces

BIG MISTAKE

I've spent well over an hour reading old chats and emails

From one particular person, some from as long as 3yrs ago

I don't see this person anymore, I doubt I'd really know him now

Maybe I didn't know him then, but thinking that hurts too much

The words which were so powerful when first expressed, now empty

Not a day goes by that I don't think of him, hope he's well.. happy

I even thought that I was okay with, most likely, never seeing him again

I'm not! Just reading the words, I felt a fraction of how he made me feel

I was reminded of what I am missing out on, of what had been, what is gone

I have never felt the strength of those emotions with anyone else

Words simply can not do justice, they never could, no one ever understood us

We weren't partners, not in a relationship.. We didn't need to be

That he was in my life at all, for the years he was, I am thankful..

His absence has left a void, that I thought would heal, I'm not so sure anymore.

It seems so pointless, so hurtful and unnecessary, I'm still lost...

I don't know if I'm capable of feeling so strongly, so completely, again...