Surviving the Days ... and the Weeks and the Torment.


Words I write don't necessarily make sense to you... I don't expect them to, maybe I don't even want them to... The thoughts are written fragmented and incomplete! I do not write for any form of external validation.. What you read may not have the same meaning as what I write... But do not underestimate the personal significance of my words! An essential part of who I am is only evident in my writing... It had been locked away after it was used against me... Everything you need, in order to hurt me, is right here!

Monday, October 23, 2006

You

There are some of you I feel I've neglected

There is no reason or excuse for this

I've been a little off, a little unfocused

I have been thinking of you often

Just felt the need to say that




Will blog properly later many thoughts, no sequence yet :-)

Friday, October 20, 2006

Fiction Draft ~ Just One Night - Part 2

Read Part 1 first.

8:30pm, Friday

Brad turned the bus’ lights off and opened the door thankful that he was early and could have a cigarette. He’d parked the bus at the first stop on his next, and final, route of the night. He maneuvered himself out of the driving seat and stood on the bottom step as he lit his smoke. Looking up the street, he saw his first four stops, he could see as far as the McDonalds sign before the road curved to the right. The only waiting passenger was at the shelter just before the shopping centre, definitely female from that profile, he smiled as he thought.

Brad closed his eyes as he took another drag on his smoke, at thirty-five it was his only remaining really bad habit and he enjoyed every second of every cigarette. He reasoned that his time in the gym and working long shifts allowed him this one vice. He checked his watch, still a few minutes before he had to get going. Although he had no plans for the rest of the night he was looking forward to the end of his shift. As much as he liked driving the bus, by Friday night all he wanted was to sit down somewhere quiet with a beer and not have to listen to the relentless chatter of people, young and old.

Faint voices carried through the night air and Brad again looked in the direction he was soon to drive. There was now a group of people, mostly young men by the looks of it, nearing the bus shelter. The group came to a stop when they reached the shelter and appeared to crowd in front of the young woman who was still seated. The voices he could hear were too faint to make anything of them.

He took another drag on his smoke and checked his watch. Something about his waiting passengers, the woman in particular, was making him uneasy. He didn’t have a sister or wife, but if he did he certainly wouldn’t want her traveling alone at night. He put out his cigarette, even though it was only half finished and it still wasn’t quite his timetabled time to leave, and maneuvered himself back into his seat. He wondered how some of his co-workers, with their middle age spread, managed to squeeze past the ticket machine to the drivers seat.

As he started the engine, closed the door and turned the headlights on Brad didn’t take his eyes off the group down the road. It was too dark to see what they were doing, they were all too close together. He put the bus into gear and pulled out behind a dark green Ford Falcon, the only other vehicle traveling on the road at that moment.

He traveled the several hundred metres to the shelter quite quickly and pulled up. He had been right, there was one woman and he counted six young men, probably in their twenties waiting at the shelter. The group only noticed his impending arrival at the sound of the high-pitched squeal of his worn brakes. Brad opened the door and turned the interior lights on. His eyes focused on the young woman, now standing and clutching her bag, and remained fixed. To him she looked shaken, frightened even. The young men were still crowded in front of her, now blocking her access to the bus, but made no move to themselves get on. Not a word had been spoken since Brad opened the bus’ doors and all eyes were on the woman.

“Excuse me fella’s, you want to get on the bus or get out of the way?” Brad eventually asked, more politely than he was inclined to be.

One by one the men turned to face him, still silent. Their expressions spoke volumes when they did face him. None of them were happy about his arrival, but slowly they stepped aside. Head down, the woman made her way to the bus and stepped onto the first step. As she did one man reached out and grabbed her by the elbow pulling her close to him and whispered something in her ear. Visibly shaking the woman freed her arm and climbed the remaining steps. Brad closed the door behind her and began to drive even before he’d taken her fare.


© 2005

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Fiction Draft ~ Just One Night - Part 1

8:15pm, Friday

Rose walked with her head held down, watching but not seeing as she crossed each crack in the concrete without stepping on even one. She was lost in her own world of thoughts as she made her way to the bus stop. Rose was twenty-five and had never found it necessary to get a drivers license. She lived and worked in areas where public transport was mostly reliable.

She was happy to be different, in fact she prided herself on those minor differences. While her peers had always dressed in their trendy label clothes, Rose always opted for comfort and her own tastes. When Rose turned seventeen and all her friends had booked their driving tests for their birthdays she had instead simply celebrated. Now as she reached the bus shelter, and read the timetable only to realise she had twenty minutes to wait, she sighed and sat on the dented aluminium seat. While the neighbourhood provided reliable public transport it wasn’t a place that made a young woman traveling alone at night feel safe.

Rose placed her handbag on her lap and opened it to look for her compact, turning sideways on the seat so that the streetlight above shed her some light. She found it at the bottom of the small bag and opened it to look into the small mirror. Having only spent half an hour getting herself ready Rose thought she had done well. Her make-up was flawless, although she still wasn’t sure the toffee lipstick had been the right choice. The time it took to get ready was reduced due to the new haircut she was sporting. Rose had shaved her hair very short, to the amazement of her family and friends and all in the name of charity, just a few weeks ago. She put the compact back in her bag, happy that she looked just as she had when she’d looked in the mirror before leaving home.

Crossing her legs and leaning back Rose again praised herself on her latest clothing purchase. The new charcoal jeans she was wearing were a size twelve and she had been surprised to fit into them. She was also glad that having lost some weight she hadn’t lost any from her chest. The pale pink singlet she had on made the most of her body’s natural curves.

As she sat Rose looked across the street. Watching the car park of the small local shopping centre slowly empty. Next to the centre was a McDonalds which, as is often the case, had become the meeting place for young people before they head out elsewhere. Rose watched as a group of young men walked through the car park, having just left the McDonalds, and made their way to cross the road. She counted six, but there may have been more, the shadows of the trees that lined the footpath made it hard to see clearly. Each of the men she could see, and now hear, as they got closer, seemed to be in their late teens or early twenties. Several of them were wearing white muscle shirts two sizes too small paired with pants two sizes too large. They apparently call that fashion, she thought to herself.

Rose looked up the street hoping the bus would arrive before the young men got much closer, but it wasn’t yet in sight. She was nervous, without really knowing why. Holding her bag just a little closer she reminded herself that not all young men in the area were thugs. All the articles in the local newspaper looking for young perpetrators of muggings, break and enters and an array of other crimes were the exception, not the rule. She felt only slightly more comfortable knowing that she always carried some money and her keys in the pocket of her jeans. If anyone wanted to take her handbag they could have it. This line of thought was not uncommon for Rose, she was at times overly cautious when it came to human nature, some may even call her slightly paranoid.

The group was at the side of the road when Rose looked back, waiting for several cars to leave the car park before they could cross. She could hear fragments of conversation, not enough to know what they were talking about, and occasionally the group would break into laughter. Just a group of friends heading somewhere for a good night, Rose thought to herself, I just hope they don’t need a bus to get there too. As the young men crossed the road Rose saw one of them look towards her and smile. She turned and looked up the street, again hoping to see an approaching bus.

© 2005

Revisiting Rose

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Back at the place that shall remain nameless I began to write a fictional story which I posted in parts as I did them. I never got around to finishing them at the time. Well I've managed to find it again (bit of drama there between nameless site going down, my failure to get around to transferring everything and a new computer) and I'm hoping over the next few weeks/months, depending on how long it ends up, to finish it off.

So I'm starting from the beginning again, I'll post the original 5 parts plus the 6th, which is written already, fairly quickly and then hopefully the rest at least regularly. I'm hoping that by doing this it will get me further back into my writing since I'm still not quite where I want to be, but I'm now wanting to write more.

So hope you all enjoy it, again.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Roundup

Well we survived the holiday

Not quite as relaxing as I'd have liked

More social than I anticipated

But a good getaway none the less

Little Boy went back to school today

For once he looked forward to it

I'm not aware of further "buttplug" comments*

Three frustrating days searching for Brad and Rose

I found them, will get reacquainted this week hopefully



* Little Boy spent time with a couple of teenage boys while we were away and picked up some of their more colourful language, briefly

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Howdy

Just a quick note to say hello :-)

You've all been blogging away and I'll have to wait 'til I get home to catch up (apart from the rather entertaining shit happening over at Tom's blog hehe You are a bloody drama queen Tom). I've been down here 4days, or there abouts, yet it feels like at least twice that! Went to party, which was not as bad as I anticipated and I was drunk anyway. Have had people coming and going the whole time I've been here. Managed to get a swim in yesterday although it is debateable just how good an idea that was, it was a little cold. I haven't had my pen and paper out AT ALL, so that idea went out the window pretty quickly. Well that's it in a nutshell, will blog properly when I get home!

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Off, off and almost away...

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting



Boring rambling to follow.....

I don't really have a lot to say but I wanted to blog before I went away so here it is. It's school holidays again and so I'm taking Little Boy down the coast for a few days. we don't leave until Friday afternoon but I think I'm going to be flat out before then. I'm actually looking forward to getting away for a few days, it should be interesting if nothing else.

I'll finally get to witness my sister's relationship first hand and see if I think as little of it after that as I do now. I'll be able to catch up with Dad and see how he's dealing with one less daughter at home (sort of). I'll be able to spend some time with my other Sis too. She's getting older now and I want to form that close relationship I now have with her sister. I should also be able to take more pics out and around the place, so much to capture down there.

Little Boy is looking forward to it all too, even if he does miss out on seeing the V8's run at Bathurst. I'm hoping it will be warm enough for us to get some swimming in, he could use the practice.

I'm also going to try to spend a little time each day writing. After my challenge to blog every day for a week, I'm now going to try to write every day for a week (you know, with a pen and paper) and maybe that will kick me back into gear properly.