Overdue Purge

Okay I'm starting the clock and seeing what comes out in the next 30min.

I've been trying to blog for a few days but just haven't managed to get even a line on the screen so I figure this is the way to go. I've been a little on the down side I guess you could say. Well actually not really down as such, just kinda blah.

I haven't even begun to get organised for Christmas yet. I'm not feeling the festive mood yet and it all just seems like a lot of work. Little Boy wants to get the tree up this week and I keep wondering if it's even worthwhile since we won't even be here for christmas and he will only be home one weekend in the meantime, but we'll do it anyway. I am looking forward to getting away for the week around Christmas and hopefully bestie coming away too and getting to spend some time with him and his girlfriend.

The recent contact from a friend I thought had gone forever took me by surprise, to say the least. I've been through a roller coaster of emotions from just a few simple emails, from sheer joy in hearing from them to sadness for their situation and anger for all the unanswered questions I have. I'm not the most patient of people and so the waits in between contact annoy the hell out of me. It would be so much easier for me if I could just get a few things sorted right now, no more what if's or wondering. It annoys the hell out of me that the situation is consuming so much of my thoughts too, yet I can't help it.

I'm not generally a very forgiving person I don't think. It takes a lot to really get to me or to lose my trust and friendship but once it's gone it is usually gone for good. I don't see the point in wasting time on people who have hurt me before or who are entirely selfish. But there are always exceptions. There are some people who could (and have) caused a hell of a lot of pain and yet I'll still be here for them. I can't even really explain what makes them different to other people other than the connection I have with them. There is a problem with this though, in that it isn't exactly easy to regain that friendship after being burnt. I'm working on it and doing the only thing I can, being honest, but I'm worried it won't be enough and I'll only end up hurt again. Meh!

It's only been 17min but I don't want to keep going down the track that my mind apparently does. Apologies for this rather bland and boring entry folks but it's not in me to delete it.