Some Change, You don't

My heart races and blood boils

I don't know why, I'm not surprised

It has always been the same

The intervals of reason are shortlived

Each ends with the selfish prick returning

It has always been this way, always will

I'm not surprised, I expect nothing else

Still, now and then, it gets under my skin

It annoys the fuck out of me, I'm pissed off

Eventually, you won't have the choice

At some point it will be completely out of your hands

My hope is that then you will open your eyes

You will realise all that you've taken for granted

You will see everything you've missed out on

The sad thing is, you probably never will...

Shhh

Sometimes I need a little time to hide away

When I don't have to please anyone else

When I barely even want to speak

I don't have to curl into a ball in a corner

I don't have to shut myself away indoors

I can be on my own, hiding away, anywhere

In the most public of places, I managed this

To be quiet, to be alone, to focus my attention

Randomosity

So my little self imposed challenge seemed to go well. I managed to do 7-8 posts in as many days. Perhaps not quite what I had hoped for as far as content goes but I still did it.

Now a week has passed with no posts again. The up side of this is that I don't feel like I'm stuck in that rut anymore, I just haven't had anything worth saying. I've started work on a few other little projects and so my creative energies have been elsewhere. I'm also going out tomorrow for the sole purpose of taking photos, which I'm really looking forward to.

So in a nutshell... all is good in my blogland head and I think I'm back to my normal (if maybe sporadic) posting.

Now I'm going back to watching the Swannies preliminary final. My prediction is that they'll get up by at least 4 goals! It's a big call for a finals game I know. I'll let you know in a few hours just how good my psychic powers are.


Update:

YAY SWANNIES!

Sydney 19.13 (127)
Fremantle 14.8 (92)

Grandfinal next week!

Perturbed

I worry that you're becoming isolated

I don't think it's all that complicated

I'm not sure you know all that you need to

I don't think you see all that surrounds you

You're young and naive, yet so headstrong

Would you even admit if you'd been wrong?

The longer it lasts the more I'm concerned

I thought by now that you would have learned

With so much that you could do, become and be

I worry that you'll never be allowed to see...

Who would have thunk it

Okay I'm really struggling today, so I took the easy way out and did a quiz, then another and another and another.... none of them very exciting or tell any earth shattering secrets about me hehe

Proper post tomorrow!

You're Totally Sarcastic

You sarcastic? Never! You're as sweet as a baby bunny. Seriously, though, you have a sharp tongue - and you aren't afraid to use it. And if people are too wimpy to deal with your attitutde, then too bad. So sad.

How Sarcastic Are You?

Your EQ is 133

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick! 51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese. 71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely. 91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that. 111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt. 131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin. 150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

You Are 35% Left Brained, 65% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

You Are 72% Brutally Honest

Most of the time, you tell it like it is. Even if it's hard for people to hear. Sometimes you hold back though, because you never want your honesty to be hurtful.

How Brutally Honest Are You?

Blah Blah Blah

So this is Little Boy, like you needed to be told. This was taken a couple of years ago, three to be exact, but it's still one of my fave pics.

This little challenge I gave myself started out a hell of a lot better than I expected. It was all going well, until yesterday. I had full intentions of putting up some sort of entry but I got carried away going through and sorting old photos on all the unmarked CD's I had around my desk. Then I fell asleep before I could come back to write.

After five days straight of rain, today the sun came out, or at least tried to. I was quite thankful for that. I don't mind the rain, or the mud or even the dark, clouded days but it gets a little boring after a while. I can't even really complain about it without feeling little pangs of guilt. Having been in drought for so long and in dire need of rain it seems a little wrong to then whinge that things are too wet. I'm hoping the sun stays out tomorrow long enough for me to get washing done.

Having had more rain then we usually have for the entire month it was more than a little slushy. Dear, gorgeous, Little Boy reluctantly (is there any other way?) went off to school, without his soccer ball on my request. I got a phone call at lunch time. It seems it didn't matter if he had the ball or not, he still ended up covered top to toe in mud after slipping. Ordinarily it wouldn't bother me too much, after all what's a bit of washing. But he did the exact same thing yesterday afternoon at home, as we were rushing out the door already late! He came very close to getting a crash course in doing his own laundry.

The other major downside to all this rain was that I didn't get to go out and take photos as I'd planned on the weekend. I really want to play with my camera more, maybe even learn how to use it properly.

Okay I've done my obligatory blog post, boring and pointless as it may be, it is done. I figure I'm still on track since I did two in one day the other day, so yesterday's was covered..

Keep Smiling Folks ;-)

In the beginning

A few years ago I spent some time doing a little photography at various motorsport events, mostly in Sydney. I'd never had much of an interest (other than the obligatory Bathurst weekend) before I met Little boy's father. When I met him he was an amateur photographer. While we were together he started his own business and got his foot in the door doing the motorsport photos semi-professionally. As a result of this I would go out to the track with him, spare media pass and second camera in hand, and play around.

Standing just on the other side of the concrete barriers and having cars fly past ended up being quite exciting for me. I absolutely fell in love with the sport and capturing it on film (we hadn't gone digital then). It could also be rather frustrating trying to get the "perfect" shot, or in my case just getting a decent shot at all. Many times we would find ourselves at one end of the track while all the action occurred at the other end. I would get almost giddy after finishing a roll that I thought may have just one good shot on it. I was always very impatient waiting to get the film developed, usually insisting we put the dozen rolls in that afternoon.

The photo above became my absolute favourite, I didn't need to crop it or sharpen it or anything, I loved it totally raw. Besides that I was absolutely chuffed that I'd managed to capture it in the first place. We were at Oran Park standing in the hollow of the "dogs leg" and could see only the small piece of track directly in front of us. The car is actually going slightly downhill but I had a habit of playing with angles. We could hear the cars coming and had to time it as they came over the hill towards us, it took me a while to get the hang of it.

Just when I thought I was getting the hang of taking photos of cars speeding past in a fraction of a second, we went to a motorbike/sidecar meeting and I realised I still had no clue what I was doing.

But I looked on the bright side, I might not have known what I was doing, but at least I wasn't doing something like this..

Here we go again...

Okay you all endured my Finals Fever Frenzy last year when the Swannies ended up coming away with the grand final win. Well finals fever has hit me again, with the first weekend of finals footy upon us (I'm a little quicker this year).

The Sydney Swans met the West Coast Eagles tonight. We went in as an underdog of sorts on the Eagles home turf. The last 10 times these teams had met left a 5-5 win-loss record for each of them, but the record for Eagles home ground matches wasn't as even, actually it looked a little bleak for us (yeah okay I can't remember the exact numbers).

The first quarter started a little rough for us with the Eagles having over 70% possession of the ball in the first 10min. But that number was reversed in the first 10min of the next quarter. It was brilliant, intense and exciting football to watch for the entire game. The lead changed almost with each goal in the final quarter. I sat literally on the edge of my seat as the Swans took the lead in the final minutes and managed to hold onto it until the final siren sounded. We won by one point in the end, but the important part of that is that WE WON! Great performances from Hall (5 goals) and O'Loughlin (4 goals) were a joy to see. Now we get a week off.

West Coast - 12.12 (84)
Sydney - 13.7 (85)


Cheer, Cheer the Red and the White
Honour the name by day and by night
Lift that noble banner high
Shake down the thunder from the sky
Whether the odds be great or small
Swans will go in and win over all
While her loyal sons are marching
Onwards to victory

Grandparents - Part 1

I've tried to think of 5 things to say about each of my grandparents (for the meme style entry) and haven't been able to come up with anything of real interest. Which got me to thinking about my grandparents in general. Some people have very close relationships with their parent's parents, but I can't claim that.

I have a few fond memories of my father's parents, or at least their old house. On further consideration though I think that has more to do with the location and the gathering of my many cousins when we were all young children than it does my grandparents. My paternal grandmother, Dulcie, is a very kind and giving woman, I love her dearly. She lived with her husband for many years in a house directly across the road from a beach, in a small coastal community. I remember visiting, along with all of my cousins, and feeding the birds in the front yard. We would put birdseed in our hands, sometimes even on our heads, and stand very still and we would soon have lorikeets flocking to feed off of us. We'd sit little pieces of raw meat along the railing of the verandah and wait for the kookaburras to come and have their meal with us too. My grandmother would often times spend the morning baking and we would eat biscuits warm from the oven. My grandfather, Tom, was quite simply a cranky old bastard. He would sit in his chair on the verandah and bark orders at his wife and make the most inapporpriate jokes. I actually picture him sitting there with a pair of underwear on his head, not just a ridiculous mental image but a memory.

Dulcie remained married to Tom for far too many years. He was an abusive father when his children were young and most likely an abusive husband. He was never a kind man in my own eyes, nor many of his grandchildren's. For most of my life I've known him as "Crank". She did eventually leave him, a very brave move (in my opinion) from a woman growing up in the era she did. I think by that stage they had been married for the better part of 40years. After their divorce Crank remarried, Dulcie never has.

I saw Crank only twice, that I can remember, with his next wife. The first was at one of my cousin's wedding. The second was about two years after that at another cousin's 21st birthday party. On this second occasion I had my 8mth old son with me, Crank's first born great-grandchild. On seeing my son the only comment that dear old Crank made was that my son "took after his father, he's an ugly buggar." I think it was at this time I really decided that I didn't care for a relationship with him at all. He passed away several years ago from bowel cancer. I didn't shed a tear and didn't attend the funeral.

In complete contrast Dulcie was one of the first to call me in hospital when I had Little boy. She was also among the first to send a present, a small silver money box engraved for my son. While I don't see her very much, she remains my favourite grandparent and is always thought of with nothing other than love. I travelled, with my Dad and sisters, up to celebrate her 80th birthday last year. She's frail and showing the signs of her age much more now, but she is happy and continues to smile. I'm glad that Little Boy has had a few chances to meet and enjoy his great-grandmother's company.

These are the people who gave life to my father and raised him. I know and have seen the impact they have had on him over the years, both the positives and the negatives. While I haven't had a close relationship with them I am of course thankful for many things they are responsible for.

A True Legend

Growing up in Australia it was hard not to become a fan of Motorsport for at least one weekend a year. The October long weekend was time for "The Mountain" to be conquered by the best man. As a kid there was only one driver's name I knew and that was Peter "Brocky" Brock. He was a living legend who ultimately conquered the mountain nine times, rightfully earning him the title King of the Mountain.

By my late teens and when I met Little Boy's father, a mad motorsport fan, I was able to see him race before he retired. He had a legion of fans that spanned all ages. He was at least partly responsible for my own interest in the sport gathering momentum. Not only was he great behind the wheel but he was a nice bloke, a true gentleman. He set the standard for future drivers.

Even after retiring, Brocky was a major ambassador for Motorsport in this country, and continued to race occasionally. Today, at the age of 61, he died doing what he loved and he will be missed by many.

[SIZE="3"]RIP Brocky[/SIZE]
Feb 26, 1945 - Sept 8, 2006

It's a start

Ok so I have a few ideas running around in my head but I need a little more time to get them down. Besides I figured this was as good a place as any to start, and it took me as long to do as a normal entry would, if not longer.

So I stole the idea from Originalism who got it from some else, you know how it all goes. I made my very own little quiz for you all to go and do right now. I don't have the patience to make it a long one and I didn't want to bore you too much.

One down... ;-)




EDIT: Just noticed that half of question 8 has gone missing.. it relates to female friends if you didn't catch on.

I've had enough...

Okay I'm setting myself a challenge of sorts. I've decided that for the next 7-10days I WILL be writing a blog entry each day! I have no idea what they will be or about but hey I'm going to blog!

This one doesn't count hehe

It's All About

There are some people who think only of themselves

At times I'm surprised when I recognise one of these people

Other times I expect nothing more from one I already knew

Even knowing this, I'm still disappointed by an action

Maybe I'm just kicking myself for hoping for change

Perhaps it's just that I'd like to be more selfish