Emotional Rollercoaster

For a very long time i did believe it was my fault.
For a very long time i believed that since it was my fault that i should be able to just move on and forget that anything bad ever happened.
And for a very long time that is exactly what i tried to do.

When everyone around you tells you something so convincingly and you tell yourself the same thing, why wouldn't you be able to forget?

I could most of the time.
Then something would happen or someone would say something and my heart would skip a beat, my body would freeze and the fear would engulf me.
But it never lasted long and i would tell myself how stupid it was.

As time has kept going though i have found myself remembering more of what i erased from my mind.
The more i remember the more emotion i feel.
So much anger is within me, not only for the obvious but for the people who called themselves friends, but most of all anger at myself.

Anger that for so long i lived in denial.
Anger that one solitary person could have such an impact on MY life.
Anger that i never made that person pay.