Find Middle Ground

If we could name what we have,
Would it make any more sense?
I have said not to ask why or what,
To simply accept what is before us!
I do believe that some things just are,
There is no why nor a need to know a why!
This, unfortunately, does not stop us from asking!

At times I'm compelled to strive harder,
An inner force pulling me towards him.
An indescribable belief in something buried within.
Yet every fibre of my consciousness is retreating,
My walls are being rebuilt to preserve my well-being.
Could it simply be that I have more to learn,
Although my strength and convictions are undoubtedly waning!

As much as I know exactly what I want,
I am only in control of half of us!
My thoughts must remain focused,
Providing for Little Boy is all that matters!
I can not continue being torn apart,
Nor can I continue to place my heart at risk.
Time is too short and the price may just be too high!

Stranger

It is amazing the changes that can occur

A person you thought you knew is really a stranger

So angry, so bitter, so quick to throw away everything

Perhaps I really had been a fool all this time

Believing in something, someone, who didn't show me truth

I thought the truth was so much more than it ever really was

I felt love, but for some love is just another four letter word

The vastness of what I felt shattered by the lack of emotion returned

Can someone feel love for another when all they've ever known is pain

When the pain subsides they become lost in an unknown world

Too afraid to embrace what is being offered to them

Preferring to push it, this time me, away and drown in the pain once again.

Fool me once, shame on you

Fool me twice, shame on me

Never have those words felt so true

Although I knew trust was lacking

I always had faith in Him

Faith in myself and faith in us!

All the right words could be repeated

Yet today the emptiness swallowed me whole

My faith had been mostly misplaced!

Today as a new year of my life begins

My faith. my trust and my pride

Will be returned completely, rightly, to me!

Understand this, If you can

Must I apologise for what I need, for what I feel

For just a day, a night, even just a moment

I need to feel safe, secure in the knowledge of myself

I need to feel trust and to be completely trusted

I want to feel needed, to be wanted, appreciated

I want to feel comfort in loving and being loved

Just a moment with no apprehension, no confusion

I make no apologies for this, surely it is understood

Nothing or everything

All things come to pass, the year that was

Was so many things yet in ways was almost nothing

Beginning with much to be thankful for

Life itself had been risked but not taken

Little boy who had been so vulnerable grew wiser

I grew wiser and took some long overdue steps

But all that merely the start of the year that was

I had another addition to my many titles, proud to wear it

I discovered a strength in myself I knew little of

Several friendships were made, others reaffirmed

The flame of love reignited, that's where things turned

Apprehension and confusion strived, ending the year that was!