It all started with...

It all started with an insult!

Walking home from the shops this afternoon Little Boy looked at me and said "You look pregnant." and when I replied "you mean I look fat?" his only response then was "that's your words not mine!" Very diplomatic of him I know. Well the conversation then went from bad to worse as they tend to do in these situations while Little Boy persisted in telling me I "could" be pregnant and even as I insisted that I really wasn't nor could I be, the inevitable "why?" came out of his mouth.

"Cause..." was the first word out and I was very tempted, in true Mum fashion, just to leave it at that but thought better(?) of it and added "there'd need to be a father." Now I've always known that The Talk would come one day I guess I just hoped it wouldn't be any time soon. At the same time I'd much prefer he got his information from me in some way first, rather than on the playground at school or from his father!

This is when it got really awkward as Little Boy's first reaction was that his father could be it. I think I did very well not to burst into a tirade of swearing or just vomit. I managed to keep composure and just assure him that wasn't going to be the case, which opened me up to more questions of; "does it have to be the same father?" - "No." - "Does it have to be a different father?" - "No." at which point he stopped talking and took a moment to think things through. So I took the opportunity to try and squirm my way out of this (at least until we were home) without shrugging him off and told him I'd get out a book for him to read tonight.

I just couldn't stop myself though, I'm naturally a stirrer even when it comes to Little Boy. After his less than enthusiastic response to having to read a book on the vague subject I added; "it tells you all about sex!" there it was, the one little word I'd tried to avoid and it was now his turn to squirm!

He made various "ewww" noises and covered his face as he backed off the subject he'd unknowingly started. I was in full swing now, it was out I didn't care how many times I said it, sex sex sex. I asked if he knew what it was and initially he said yes but wasn't keen on telling me what it was. I tried going around it a little differently and asked him who had talked about it or what he'd seen that made him know what it was and he wasn't sure. So I tried another approach and asked him "who does it then?" expecting the standard answer of "a man and a woman" but never one to disappoint Little Boy instead almost instantly replied with "Homer!"

I eventually stopped laughing as Little Boy quite willingly told me of Marge and Homer having sex in an episode he's apparently "seen at least five times." (a sign of things to come?) Now I'm used to many things Little Boy sees being related back to things he's seen in The Simpsons and while I didn't expect this particular one I did use it to my advantage.

So, by the time we got home I had worked out that Little Boy was at least on the right track with sex, what it was and who did it. We walked in the driveway, the conversation well over, Little Boy dawdling along behind me muttering to himself as he very often does and I hear "S - E - X... S-E-X". Obviously I don't need to tell him how to spell it.

Within minutes of being inside he actually asked me for the book and he is currently behind me with his nose stuck in Where Did I Come From? and there's been a few little snickers and one loud burst of laughter, so far. Well it's as good a place as any to start...

Was away for a week, now I'm not.

Tom hurt himself last night, but will let him blog that (was heaps funny though).

Now kinda a little bit drunk after his sis' 18th and my Little Boy gone for a while.

Blog properly later!!!

Over there....

Ok so maybe I'm a little fickle...

With the Re-Style all up and running over at EFx2 and it being MUCH easier to use, which Keith always said it would be but I had serious doubts and other unrelated issues with the place, I'm going back there.

so http://survivingthetorment.efx2.com is me again

Sorry for being a pain in the arse...

Random bits

I was going to blog tonight, but as is often the case I got sidetracked...

So instead I'll leave you with these two clips. The first is Joel Salom who I thought was pretty cool when i saw him on this show a few weeks ago (for the impatient among you just watch the last 2min or so). The second is The Umbilical Brothers, who I've loved for 15 or more years. Enjoy and hopefully I'll have something real to blog soon.

Oh and on a completely unrelated note, I thought it was a little wrong the other day when I heard the dueling banjos used on a kids show! You just can't help but get mental images...

I'm glad I stayed up 'til 5am this morning watching F1, was well worth it! Hamilton got his first win under his belt and Webber managed to finish!

Little Boy is not convinced we don't have faeries living in our microwave but he knows how to spell fuck properly now!

Goodnight folks

Live, I'm Not Dead!

Growing up music was always a part of my daily life. My tastes were always a little eclectic and bordered on "uncool" but I had enough pop likes to avoid complete humiliation from my peers. Living in Sydney during my pre-teen years I managed to see Roxette live on their Joyride tour as well as *cough*Vanilla Ice*cough* where even I was shocked by the fight over his dirty, sweaty, little towel. I also enjoyed more than a few live theatre shows, including the obligatory Phantom of the Opera and Rocky Horror Picture Show. Even when I moved down the coast I made an epic journey (2hrs in a taxi and another couple on the train) back up to Sydney in order to go to Madonna's Girlie Show. Maybe I took this all for granted.

As I got older I was a little pickier about what shows and concerts I went to, since I was now the one paying for them. Janet Jackson was my first concert as an "adult" I think. I enjoyed many different types of shows and concerts, I only ever walked out of one show and that was a little play that I don't remember the name of in a dodgy backalley theatre, no surprise. I'm among the first to be offered spare tickets to anything musical by my family, since chances are I will like whatever it happens to be. I saw UB40 and Bette Midler for free (I wouldn't have paid the price of the tickets anyway), because my Aunty couldn't use the tickets, but I was pleasantly surprised in both instances. I don't get to many concerts these days but if there's someone I really want to see I make it happen.

I am getting to a point somewhere here, I think...

A few weeks ago I was tossing up whether or not to get tickets to see Pink (my fascination/crush had been growing for weeks) when the new dates went on sale for her ever growing I'm Not Dead tour. My only concern was who I'd take with me as several people had already been and I didn't want to go with someone who didn't even like her nor did I want to go by myself. So the night before the tickets went on sale I decided to call my elder little sister and if she'd go then we both would. She said "yes" in a heartbeat and by 9.10 the next morning I had the tickets. It was only in those following days when I was getting excited text messages that I realised my darling little, 19yr old, country bumpkin sister had never been to a concert.

So sis arrived on Sunday and we spent most of the evening with Pink blaring from the stereo (not unusual for my place) and deciding what to wear. We'd basically been ordered to stay in the City on Monday after the concert by her (over-protective?) boyfriend and our (over-protective?) father, who didn't want us catching a train home at midnight. With Little Boy being taken care of by my older sis we headed in to the Motel (very conveniently owned by a family friend) by early afternoon on Monday. By the time we left to make our way to the concert venue to say we were excited would be an understatement. We skipped down the street, giggling and singing like a pair of schoolgirls. That was remedied five minutes later when we stood scratching our heads and lost. While my country bumpkin sis has an excuse I just have no sense of direction whatsoever.

We were back on track and at the venue just a few minutes past six and joined the back of the line. Long waits in line tend to take the thrill and excitement out of an occasion quite quickly; as do loud, drunk and rude lesbians standing behind you in said line. Eventually we made it inside and were told to sit down on the dancefloor and continue waiting. It was at this time that my country bumpkin virgin concert goer little sis realised that we were sitting a matter of metres away from where Pink would soon be standing and singing on stage. It dawned on her how close we'd be and the look of shock and awe that spread across her face was priceless!

When we stood and were even closer to the stage I think the wind changed, because a huge grin was plastered on my little sister's face from then on. We endured the support act and screamed with everyone else when Pink began. Pink is super fucking hot and one hell of a singer and entertainer, but I think it was being able to experience my little sister's very first concert that made the night that much better!

Dodgy phone photo's of great performance!

Withdrawals?

Okay so last night I caught the arse end of a doco on SBS called "My Penis and I". I thought it was pretty ballsy (for want of a better word) of this guy to do. A couple of things caught my attention. The fact that there's a support group for little dicked guys in Manhattan was one, followed by the fact that there is support groups for big cocked guys too which I happened upon after googling the former. I also enjoyed the bit about Cynthia Plaster Caster, now that's a hobby I could enjoy, especially since she's taken up casting tits as well. All in all it was an interesting doco, though not enough for me to change my thinking... size DOES matter!

Now the next penis related topic comes from my (still) favourite blog, "Desperately Seeking... Something?". The photos they find (from my understanding most come from Craigslist) over there never cease to amaze me. I thought some of these fellows might need a few tips. Not that I believe any of them will come here looking for them but any of you out there who are considering posting naked photos of yourself online in the hopes of finding women may want to consider a few points:-

1. Take off your fucking socks!!!!! I can not express this strongly enough!

2. If you are going to strip, do it properly! Either you're naked or you're not, don't leave your pants around your knees or ankles!

3. Any reference to your children should be well out of the picture, this includes but is not limited to teddy bears and bunk beds.

4. Comparing your cock to various items rarely works, so just don't go there. If your cock is of a reasonable size and girth we will be able to see that. Putting a lightbulb/lighter/battery/hairspray can etc next to it will do no justice!

5. The angle of your photo is important, I can't imagine any woman being turned on by a photo taken from your feet looking up...

6. If you have a small cock maybe you should leave your clothes on. Similarly if your dick is on the larger side there is no need to try to accentuate it even more by such things as a tape measure or pulling your shirt tight behind your back.

7. The bathroom is no place for photos! Posing over the sink/toilet is not a positive.

8. If you are going to stand naked in a photo, put yourself in the foreground and not so far back that it is necessary to squint... bathtubs and home gyms in the foreground do not impress.

9. If you choose to take your photo laying on a bed, clean up around you. The size of your dick won't compensate for the clothes on the floor or the piles of empty beer cans.

10. Take off your fucking socks!

Alcoholic Donuts

Only shot I got of Trinder's Torana

So I spent all day yesterday at the drags, hoping for a win for my BIL but that wasn't to happen. Next on my hopes was lots of photos and fun with my camera, that didn't happen that much either. But the racing was entertaining so had a pretty good day anyway. The finals included a major crash, and let's face it half the thrill of motorsport comes from the crashes (mind you we never want anyone hurt!). The bloke was released from hospital late last night so it's all good and "That's racing!". Have a look at the video of it here.

Listening to the commentary throughout the day I did begin to question just what sort of people were at the track... The first quote that raised the question was about "Two of the best alcoholics around." and then a little later was this one, "Now might be a good time to shoot up" which was followed by quite a lengthy pause in which time Mum and I looked at each other and wondered what we should do instead, but then we heard, "to see the girls in our merchandise shop."

I also decided that I'd love to be a cameraman (camerawoman just doesn't have the same ring to it) for Speedweek. I could quite happily spend the entire day down on the startline, along the wall or at the end of the track with a camera on my shoulder as the cars roared past me. But then I decided I'd be sacked pretty quickly when the sponsors complained that the "pit girls" weren't getting any airtime.

Oh and we think the biggest money spinner of the day was the little food van which sold hot cinnamon donuts. One of the women we were with lined up for over half an hour in search of a few hot ones. Upon her return she passed around the bag and offered them to all, which prompted Drew's and my own need for more. I then had to line up for at least half an hour in which time I watched as the crowd surrounding every other food and merchandise outlets went running from their lines as the Top Alcohol cars had some anti-climactic drama on the start yet everyone stayed for the donuts!