I made the call, it was answered
So good to hear the voice, happy!
Got a message not long after, unrelated
Real coffee and cheap ciggies, almost home!
Can't wait to catch up properly, soon!
Spent day out, filling in and catching up
Big sis is back and the shit will hit the fan!
Getting organised, washing, packing, excited!
Even a few days away is eagerly anticipated!
These last few days have been full on
I'm exhausted physically and emotionally
I worked the last four days around my brother
Dragged Little boy back and forwards
Put my own plans and needs on hold
Only to play housekeeper to a grown man
I played house with a child, in a home that's not mine
I couldn't get out and back home quick enough
Terrible as it sounds I was happy to hand the child back
I'm disappointed with the outcome of yesterday
But I can no longer speak my mind freely
I'm worried of what is yet to come, we can't predict it
I'm sickened by some of the actions and some of the words
I'm saddened that either of them have to go through the shit
I'm unable to allow myself to feel as strongly as I do
I'm making myself take a step back emotionally, vocally
I can not open another person's eyes, nor make his move
He must remove the blinders and take his own steps
I hope he doesn't leave it too late and the cost is not too high!
Last night we had dinner at my mothers place, not unusual
My niece was put to bed and Little boy lay on the lounge
The four adults in the house were left to do what they had to
We each sat in various places around the house
Each of us in front of a computer, typing away madly
Interuptions were rare, until one of us was unsure of a date or spelling
10pm came and went, only one computer had been turned off
Three adults sat typing madly and one sleeping soundly
Midnight came and went, Little boy rolled over, off the lounge
It was almost 1am when I happily announced that I was finished
I handed Mum Little boy's bag as I carried him out to the car
[I]
"My shoes are over there, and my homework is here"[/I] he pointed and mumbled
At home he insisted on changing into pyjamas before getting into his own bed
He woke this morning and came into the bathroom to chat while I was in the shower
[I]Him: "I sleep walked last night Mum!"
Me: "When?"
Him: "Going out to the car"
Me: "Darling, I carried you out to the car"
Him: "ooohhhh.. well I didn't sleep walk!"
The phone rang, he ran, answered it and came back a minute later
Him: "Granny wants you to give her a quick call back"
Me: "Is she at work already?"
Him: "I don't know, but it's not going to be a quick call"
Me: "Oh why not?"
Him: "You never have quick calls with Granny!"[/I]
He was pretty much right...
It's no secret, I haven't had a fuck in a while
I came to a realisation this past week
Even in my ever increasing state of horniness
I still have (some) standards which must be met
I'm not sure if I'm proud of that or annoyed
I'm in kind of a catch 22 situation in my thinking
I don't necessarily want a relationship with someone
But I don't want to just fuck the next bloke I meet either
I've always enjoyed sex (over and over again usually)
This extended period of none is slowly driving me mad
Yep, I know you didn't need to know any of this, carry on!
I started an entry the night before last
I was happy and proud of the action of others
I didn't finish it, as it turns out it was pointless
Those bold and brave actions were short lived
I believed that it was the right thing to do, finally
Yet the decision was made in anger and fear
After cooling off, the decision changed, backed down
If something is worth fighting for nothing should stop you
No one else's opinion should change your own thoughts
Voice your point of view and stand up for it, for once!
