Quite Simply, Therapy of Sorts

Is there anybody up there?

2009-03-23T17:57:00.004+11:00

I mentioned Middle Sis was here with bub a little while ago, the following is a snippet of conversation had at the dinner table with Little Boy and myself...

MS: He's an angel! (speaking about bub)

LB: There's no such thing!

MS: yes there is, he's my angel from heaven.

LB: That's a myth!

Me: why do you say that?

LB: Because ads are never true!

Ferrero Roche isn't all that convincing apparently.

*Edit: tried to find the ad he was thinking of and this is as close as I came, who needs english anyway ;)

A Few Months Later

2009-03-20T10:10:00.002+11:00

So it's now March so I decided to update on how my New Year "goals/resolutions" are going...

1. Blog more here, purely for my own benefit of getting the writing happening again and to have things down in words to be able to look back on.

I've decided that Twittering is kinda like blogging so I haven't failed on this one yet...

2. Make MUCH more effort to see/speak to a couple of friends I hardly saw in the last year.

Hmm okay so this one I haven't started out too well, seem to be having trouble catching up but definitely still working on it so it's not a fail yet...

and 3. Keep the relationships with all of my sisters and my Mum as strong if not stronger than they are now, and enjoy as much time as possible with my new niece and nephew.

This one's an easier one. Littlest sis has moved out now but we still talking lots, middle sis has been up again recently with my nephew which was fun. Oldest sis actually let me babysit my niece last week (they've never before left her with anyone, ever!) and I didn't even get overwhelmed with texts/calls to check on little one's well being so that was a bonus!

So guess it's not going too bad and since Twitter is counted as blogging I'm not feeling the need to force myself to write here and will only do so when I really want/need to. Speaking of twitter, it has given me a brand new appreciation of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore absolutely loving them on there! Just thought I'd mention it...

Oh and another thing, you just must check out F*** My Life* if you haven't already...

*Wow, it's been that long that I struggled to remember enough HTML to even do that link, that's just sad.

Out There on the Ice

2009-01-31T13:31:00.003+11:00

So I finally caved and bought myself an MP3 player a couple of weeks ago and since I figured it was time for another post (but it's too hot right now to actually think of something original) I decided to do this music Meme Phil did a while back. It made me laugh a couple of times and cringe once or twice but I followed the rules anyway...

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Mean (Pink)

2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
She Loved Like Diamond (Spandau Ballet)

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Voices in Quartz (Cut Copy)

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Girl Trouble (Violent Femmes)

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Suspicious Minds (Elvis Presley)

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Keep on Movin' (Bob Marley)

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Living Type (Powderfinger)

8.WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Conversations With My 13 Year Old Self (Pink)

9. WHAT IS 2 + 2?
The World (Empire of the Sun)

10 WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
[You're the] Devil in Disguise (Elvis Presley)

11.WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE/LOVE?
Superwoman (Alicia Keys)

12. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Gas Hed Goes West (Live)

13. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?)
Make Me Pure (Robbie Williams)

14 WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE/LOVE?
Let Me Die Young (Taxiride)

15 WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
I'm Free [Heaven Helps the Man] (Kenny Loggins)

16. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' (Akon/Michael Jackson)

17 What will they play at your funeral?
Where Do We Go From Here (Alicia Keys)

18. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Better Than (John Butler Trio)

19 WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Lightning Crashes (Live)

20. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Tripping (Robbie Williams)

21. WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Shit Towne (Live)

22. HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Who The Cap Fit (Bob Marley)

23. WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET
Gunning Down Romance (Savage Garden)

24. WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Good Doctor (Robbie Williams)

25. WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Add It Up (Violent Femmes)

26 WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
That's All (Michael Buble)

27.DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
The One That Got Away (Pink)

28 IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
A Thing About You (Roxette)

29 WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
It's Alright (Craig Mack/Sista)

30 WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Out There on the Ice (Cut Copy)

Today's blog brought to you by the letter T...

2009-01-22T17:53:00.004+11:00

I put my hand up for a meme at Bitzky's place it was harder than I thought it'd be but here it is...

How this memetic works is that you leave a comment on this post, and I’ll assign you a letter. Then you write about ten things you love that begin with your assigned letter, and post it at your place. When people comment on your list, you give them a letter, and the chain continues on and on.

I was assigned the letter T, "love" might be too strong a word for some of these but they are definitely a part of my life every day...

Time, most often I'd love to have more of this (like when my alarm goes off in the morning after the third snooze and I realise if I hit that button just one more time there's a whole chain reaction that will have me out of whack and out of time for the rest of the day) and yet there are some times when enough is enough (like when you get a call 5min before the end of your shift at work and it then takes 15min to get that person off the phone but by the time you realised it was one of "those" calls there's not a damn thing you can do about it, or about getting yourself 10min closer to the train station).

Talking, yes I'm a woman of course I love to talk but I also love to listen to other people talking. Playing a game with Little Boy that informed us; the average guy speaks just 2000 words per day whereas the average woman speaks 7000, I have a very competitive nature but I think it's safe (and fair) to say that I perform well above average in this field. I'll talk to almost anyone and if no one wants/is around to listen I'll settle for talking to myself.

Telephones, they go hand in hand with talking. I learnt another little fact (this one courtesy of Libra, TMI I know but too bad) that the average person will spend a total of two years of their life on the phone. Again I'm pretty sure I sit well above average on this one since I spend my working hours constantly on the phone and then there's the several calls a week (day?) to either one of my sister's or my mum, let alone everyone else.

Tapping, I can't help it I tap my fingers or feet almost constantly, whether there's music or not or whether I'm actually bored or not. Perhaps I'm a touch OCD with a dash of ADD thrown in (there are other signs too) for good measure. I also find myself typing (which I'm calling a form of tapping) in time to music if it is on.

Two, Ten and Thirteen, plain old numbers and yet they play a part in my everyday. I count a lot of things in my head throughout the day and while it may not be a continuous count I will usually finish it to the nearest ten if possible. I also have a thing with even numbers, I have to have anything with a volume control on a number divisible by 2. Which can become annoying at night when everything seems so loud and the TV is too loud on 4 and too quiet on two, I only sometimes make exceptions. As for thirteen, it's an odd number and it's a prime number, it doesn't fit with either of the above or their reasoning and yet I like it, go figure! (is all this just another OCD sign?)

Thoughtfulness, it can be a rare thing to see these days but it really touches me when someone truly has thought about what they are doing and are just being nice! Something as simple as a colleague at work grabbing me a can of coke on their break is much appreciated. Or it could be Little Boy who one night went to bed with the feeling he'd forgotten something but was unable to remember what it was... until about 5am when he thoughtfully woke me up to tell me he'd remembered what it was he'd forgotten to do and that as a result he'd been out the back to collect his toy car.

Teasing, in a playful way of course. I can't help but tease people especially the really gullible (some might say I'm a smart-arse or even a bitch at times). I had Little Boy almost convinced that invisible power lines were being trialled beside the train line not too far from here and I've threatened to dress as a clown and pick him up from school smothering him with kisses and cuddles (he was intrigued by the first but not too phased by the idea of the latter). I jump on (Freudian) slips of the tongue and I endlessly pay out anyone who makes a public fool of themselves (mostly my 19yr old sis who has made it a habit to get obscenely drunk and embarrass herself).

My last doesn't start with T but it has three of them in it...

On Top - Eternal Erection, the best $5 CD I've ever bought and if I'd known how good they were I definitely would have paid more. As it was I bought it purely for the name of the group but it quickly became one of my all time fave cd's. They're from Finland and they even look cool! Mind you I was a little hesitant walking up to the young guy in JB asking if they had any eternal erection... it took him several seconds of smothering an emerging grin and gaining a voice before he asked me "sorry, what?". http://www.eternalerection.com/ or http://www.myspace.com/eternalerection they're worth the look!

Another year goes by...

2009-01-15T20:05:00.003+11:00

Okay so 2008 was the year of the bad blog mojo and I'm hoping 2009 is a little different. It's already half-way through January but I'm going to start the new blog year out with a wrap up of the last... (in point form 'cause mojo still absent, baby steps! ;-) )

* So I started the year out in a relatively new home for me and then I finished the year moving again. Still in same general sort of area but instead of a walk to school for the boy it's a coupla buses. I really like this new house and paying the extra $50 or so a week has been worth it.

* Halfway through 2008 I decided to give up looking after other people's kids and go out and get a "real" job that pays more. As it turned out I got the first job I interviewed for, which was good because I realllly wanted it. I've always worked for myself or in relatively small businesses/offices in the past so being a lowly pleb for a multinational is interesting. (and it came in handy when I was forced at short notice to look for a new rental and pay more for it, as I mentioned above)

* Little Boy has handled the changes really well and is growing up so quickly before my eyes every day. It's scary to think that in one more short year he will be off to high school!

* 2008 was also the year of the baby, I welcomed a niece in April and a nephew in October and Little Boy welcomed a sister in July. More news of babies on the way for this year too with my brother expecting his second child and Little Boy expecting twin brothers (yes, LB's father and his gf are mad! She fell pregnant a mere 6weeks after having her first bub). For me it's been a chance to see what motherhood does for two of my sisters, as well as enjoy the pleasure of babies and the joy of being able to hand them back!

* At the beginning of 2008 I got to see some of Tassie with my Mum and I had hoped to see the Northern Territory with my father but had to postpone that trip and ultimately cancel it since Dad and his wife are on the move again and have left the desert.

* For most of the year I've also had the new experience of living with my youngest sister (only other time I've lived with her she was only a toddler). I'm pleased to say that as yet we STILL have not had any sort of fight, maybe her spending two months in Europe and away helped in that matter though...

* In November my brother married his gf of 2-3 years and they told us their baby news. I'm sad to say this didn't evoke the joy and excitement in me that I'd have hoped for. Basically the entire year has been a growing apart time for us and I'm at the point where I care less and less. I predict that there will be pretty much no contact with him within 6-9months.

So that's the main thing's I think I'll remember bout the past year. I generally don't make New Years Resolutions but decided this year there was a few things that I wanted to make a point of doing...

1. Blog more here, purely for my own benefit of getting the writing happening again and to have things down in words to be able to look back on.

2. Make MUCH more effort to see/speak to a couple of friends I hardly saw in the last year.

and 3. Keep the relationships with all of my sisters and my Mum as strong if not stronger than they are now, and enjoy as much time as possible with my new niece and nephew.

That's pretty much it, I'm enjoying where I'm at and I intend to keep doing so!

Apologies for boring you (if anyone's out there still) to tears... but get used to it, apparently I'll be doing it more often!

Next...

2008-09-21T13:24:00.006+10:00

The butterflies are already in my stomach, fluttering

The next chapter is about to begin

For the first time in so long it is about me

While he may not be happy just now, he can and will adapt

He will realise it is for the better for both of us

Spring is upon us and the flowers begin to bloom

Definitely time for change and it's in full swing

The Gifting Meme

2008-07-15T18:36:00.004+10:00

For those who read Ben's blog you may remember her posting about receiving her gift a little while ago and asking for three bloggers wanting to join the fun. I put my hand up and early last week (yeah I've been slow and slack!) I received my package from Ben and had so much fun opening it and going through all the little bits and pieces.

It arrived on a day that had been terrible from the moment I got out of bed. By late afternoon I was ready to tear shreds off the next person I came into contact with so when I heard the knock on the door I was worried. As it turned out I was probably lucky I didn't reach for the jugular straight away as the very nice postman handed me my package from Ben. I actually sent a curious Little Boy to his room so that I could take pleasure in opening it without the constant chatter. As I pulled the little bags out of the package and saw one specifically for Little Boy I put it to the side for him to open himself. He was so surprised and happy to be included, he couldn't get over the fact that he'd got a present from someone on the other side of the world who he'd never met. It was such a great lift for my entire day and week!

So now it's my turn, here's the deal folks I will send packages to the first three of you to leave me a message and who promise to pay it forward as well. You don't have to spend big, you just have to be willing to send a little fun to three of your blog friends when it comes your turn. I'll need postal addresses so send me an email to miss_blue79@hotmail.com if you're interested!

Now let's just hope there's still three of you out there...

In a Nutshell

2008-05-28T18:07:00.004+10:00

A lot can happen in two months, it just doesn't usually...

Since my last blog...

* On the 8th April my brother told me he proposed to his g/f, they'll be married before the year ends. (I managed to offer my congrats rather than condolences!)

* On the 17th April I became an Aunty (again) to a gorgeous little girl! (So I made a cake)

* On the 27th April I found out I would be an Aunty yet again before year end! (I didn't scream in horror... nor delight but it's good)

* Sis is still living here and we still haven't had a fight! (But i have snapped at her a few times pfftt 18yr olds)

(Those first four points are each about a different sibling)

* Have put off having a particular conversation for the last 4weeks in a row (will do it this week!)

* Said G'bye to my Dad and step-mother who made the huge move to the middle of the country/desert after more than 20yrs living where they were. (My next plane trip already in the works)

* Spent a few days with Mum before she and her partner began their travels of the east coast states and then head back to Tassie. (Still don't miss her, she never feels far away)

* Had mice try to drive me insane... but I came out the winner! (I had even started to dream about the little fuckers!)

* Negotiated an arrangement with Little Boy for his first real regular pocket money. (This week only, we'll see how long it lasts) For now he's flying high...

Movie Quote Meme

2008-03-26T14:03:00.004+11:00

I stole this from DWaFM. A movie quote meme. Not sure if these are my favourites as such but they're up there...

Here are the rules I must follow:

* Pick 15 of your favorite movies.
* Go to IMDB and find a quote from each movie.
* Post them on your blog for everyone to guess.
* Fill in the film title once it’s been guessed.

These are your rules:

* Leave your guesses in the comments.
* No Googling or using IMDB search functions. Don’t cheat!
* Know-it-alls, limit your guesses to three movies. Save some for others!

1. "That's good. A little anger. It's a bit late, but it's nice to see."

2. "A condom is the glass slipper for our generation. You slip one on when you meet a stranger. You dance all night, and then you throw it away. The condom, I mean, not the stranger."

3. "Misdirection. What the eyes see and the ears hear, the mind believes."(Swordfish guessed by Seth)

4. "You want a Rolls-Royce, you don't come here, no no. You go to England, or wherever the fuck they make it. If you want champagne, you go see the French. If you need money, you find a Jew. But, if you want dirt, or scum buried under a rock somewhere, or some secret nobody wants anybody to know about, there's only one place to go: right here, Hell's Kitchen. It is the lost and found of shit. They lose it and we find it. Forget about it, man." (Sleepers guessed by Seth)

5. "If our Lord wasn't testing us, how would you account for the proliferation, these days, of this obscene rock and roll music, with its gospel of easy sexuality and relaxed morality? "

6. "Me? I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of what I saw, I'm scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you."

7. "Uh, well... sometimes only half of the little pieces find their way through. If you had to choose only one half of your son, which one would it be?"

8. "Once again, the L.A.P.D. is asking Los Angelenos not to fire their guns at the visitor spacecraft. You may inadvertently trigger an interstellar war." (Independence Day guessed by Phil)

9. "He says the sun came out last night. He says it sang to him." (Close Encounters of the Third Kind guessed by Tex)

10. "I've just decided to switch our Friday schedule to Monday, which means that the test we take each Friday on what we learned during the week will now take place on Monday before we've learned it. But since today is Tuesday, it doesn't matter in the slightest. Pencils ready!" (Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory guessed by Seth)

11. "It's a decision a girl's gotta make early in life, if she's gonna be a nice girl or a cunt."

12. "I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species and I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed and the only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You're a plague and we are the cure." (The Matrix guessed by Tex)

13. "Now listen here, you mullet. Why don't you just light your tampon, blow your box apart? Because it's the only bang you're ever gonna get, sweetheart!"

14. "Do not touch the glass. Do not approach the glass. You pass him nothing but soft paper - no pencils or pens. No staples or paperclips in his paper. Use the sliding food carrier, no exceptions. If he attempts to pass you anything, do not accept it. Do you understand me?" (Silence of the Lambs guessed by Phil)

15. "Hiya kids. Here is an important message from your Uncle Bill. Don't buy drugs. Become a pop star, and they give you them for free." (Love Actually guessed by Tex)

If only...

2008-03-26T13:53:00.000+11:00

Yep, I'm bored and while I have plenty to say I can't be bothered...

I won...

You won $1,000,000, the grand prize! Congratulations!

Do you want to be a millionaire?

Take Other Caffeine Nebula Quizzes

Me Too

2008-03-04T14:53:00.004+11:00

I miss my solitude

I long to be alone

To get into my own head again

To do my own thing, or nothing

To hear my own thoughts

To have my own time

*** *** ***

I enjoy the company

Getting to know her better

Communicating, learning, sharing

It may be my only real chance

I won't take it for granted

I am thankful of this time.

I'm in, are you?

2008-02-11T22:28:00.000+11:00

My littlest sister moved in with us yesterday, she's staying for the next few months. Little Boy turned 10 today! The following conversation took place this evening.

Me: Okay, I'm getting stuck in to cooking dinner now, it'll be late.

Sis: Do you need a hand?

Me: Nope keep playing the game with Drew 'cause it'll keep you both out of my way.

Sis: Good, I'm beat anyway and can't be bothered.

Me: Join the club!

Drew: I'm not joining the club for a few years yet!

Bitch? You bet

2008-02-08T09:58:00.000+11:00

I look after Little Miss G five days a week now. I just put her down for her morning snooze which she has been a little fickle about lately. She fell asleep as usual with my stereo on, not too loud but loud enough, and I put her on the lounge and covered her. The next ten or so minutes involved me walking in and out of the room several times as well as sitting down at the computer not 3 feet away from her for a few minutes and typing on, what seemed to me to be, the noisiest keyboard in the history of the universe. She snored away on the lounge and I thought to myself that this is the day she sleeps like a baby girl should.

Then I had a craving for the chocolate I'd bought yesterday and forgotten about. So I happily marched off to the kitchen and opened the cupboard (the one way up high and with hinges that don't even squeak, which I use for anything I may need to stash away for my own little desires). I pulled down the chocolate bar and tore the foil wrapper slowly down the centre, anticipating the chocolatey goodness I was about to enjoy. Well I may as well have called in a troupe of tap dancing elephants and borrowed the neighbours annoying drum kit to play in the middle of my lounge room. Little Miss G's eyes popped open and up she got for the sole purpose of trying to persuade me (with her big brown eyes and not quite intelligible but very cute and rather effective language skills) to share with her.

I have lightning quick reflexes when I need them and I managed to get the treat back into hiding before her purpose was realised! Pfftt no way I was dealing with the sugar rush she would have while I'd had to halve the hit I wanted for myself. So yep it has been confirmed, PMS makes me an even bigger bitch!

Playing with fire

2008-01-26T01:31:00.000+11:00

I've been home for a bit over 24hrs now and about the only thing I've really managed to accomplish is getting all of my (hundreds of) photos on to my computer. I had a lot of fun with my camera so expect a few photos in entries to come.

Little Boy and I had a ball in Tassie and managed to see a fair amount of it. While it is the Little Island of this homeland of ours in order to see it all (good bits anyway) takes a lot of driving on some not so flash roads. You can drive from one end to the other in not too many hours but if you don't pull off to the side you'll miss a lot of the history (and photo ops). We were a little off the beaten track and boiling the billy for most of our stay...

There were a few definite highlights of the trip and a couple of lows too (pirates even). My sis has spent a week in hospital up here while I was away so there was a lot of phone calls back and forth checking up on her and my soon to be nephew/niece. She's home again now and better than she was and bub is all good.

Hopefully I'll get a few Tassie entries written in the next couple of days before the chaos of normality and school resumes.

From the Road to the Sky

2008-01-14T00:48:00.000+11:00

It's 1am, I should be sleeping and failing that I should be packing our bags to leave tomorrow (today if you want to be pedantic). We're off to see my Mum this time round and in the past that meant heading a coupla hours north along the coast. When she moved from there it meant a 5min walk down the road a bit but now it means jumping on a plane and hopping across to the little island. I'm not good with planes, I'm not even good with the thought of planes at least not when the thought includes me too. I've only flown once before just a couple of years ago with my friend who, while being very supportive of my irrational fears, had a good chuckle at my expense. This time around I'm not supposed to be allowed to freak out, I'm not supposed to snap "I can't talk right now!"... This time around I'm in "Mum" mode and have to be all grown up and brave so as not to freak the boy out...

In reality most of my freaking out is done internally anyway so i just have to ensure it is ALL done that way this time round. I'm sure my darling Little Boy with manage to get a chuckle at my expense too!

On the up side... I am really looking forward to getting off the plane in Tasmania and exploring a little, especially with my camera.

Miss you guys, will catch you when I get back!

P.S where's Dani gone people?? When I got back the other day I noticed she'd blogged at some point but now it's all gone... You out there Dani?

The Road to...

2008-01-13T11:54:00.000+11:00

This entry will no doubt be long and boring for you lot but I'm writing it for my own benefit so too bad hehe I need to get back to writing something, anything and here's as good a place as any to force myself to do it. Besides I need to get some little bits down just as little memory joggers. I was always going to write the "camouflagation" entry but didn't get around to it so I'm making the point of doing this one now...

I'm home, for a few days at least. I'm enjoying this summer break even with all the comings and goings. The two weeks of xmas and New Year were rather hectic but for the most part in good ways. Drew was away for most of that time and when he came home on the first it was only for the night and we both left for my Dad's the following day.

I enjoy taking friends with me when I go to my dad's, especially their first time down there. It is a voyeuristic pleasure I get from seeing them experience the "culture shock", for want of a better phrase. No electricity, no mobile phone service, no computer or internet access but inevitably the biggest shock for most is no flush dunny.

This time around it was my friend-landlord-p/t employer D (really must think of appropriate title for her) and her 2yr old daughter who made the trip down with us. D had been looking forward to the get-away for weeks and was happy to be on the way. The drive down the coast was pleasant enough, if you take out the couple of times we had to pullover on short notice for my darling boy to spill his guts. We made it into "The Bay" and I stood in Maccas for 20min amid the lunchtime rush of tourists squashed on top of each other in some form of a queue (as it turned out the fryer had fucked up at the beginning of the lunch rush which explained why the "fast" food giant was crawling along on it's belly). After watching people order mountains of shit and walk away with multiple trays it came to my turn and I ordered just one thing, a Big Mac. You know why I stood in line for 20 min for one bloody burger that I personally think tastes like rubbish? Because my father has a very strong and unhealthy desire for said burger on any possible opportunity and our next stop was his workplace 25min down the road in "town" (Moruya), which happens to be one of the few innocent places as yet untouched by any of the evil fast food giants. And so, we made it to town and I introduced D to my Dad at work and handed over the still warm burger... ok maybe I just wanted to be the favourite daughter for just one day.

We left Dad at work, dropped in to Woollies and grabbed a few essentials and headed "up river" to my second home. I've not always had the opportunity to see my friends reaction blow by blow as they make their way up river especially during daylight hours. Half the time it is dark by the time we get there and on other occasions friends have made it down on their own and I've been there waiting for them. I must say D proved to be the most entertaining so far. On sighting the upcoming dirt road she emitted squeals of delight and trepidation amongst "oh my god", "I'm scared", "I love this" and various other very short sentences. The squeals and short sentences did not stop and neither did my laughter. I was ordered to take photos (like the one above) so that D could show her husband what he was missing out on. D's mobile managed to stay in range long enough for her to receive a phone call from her teenage daughter (who was staying with her father for a few days) asking when she would be home and uttering her disbelief that we hadn't even got to our destination yet. After about five relatively slow kilometres* of dirt road D asked "are we almost there now?"... She really hadn't understood the "27km out a dirt road" part I'd repeatedly told her.

D professes to "love camping", she goes annually with a friend and their combined families to a camping ground in a coastal town an hour or so south of home. But she's also petrified of spiders and anything that crawls with six or more legs. I was a little worried about her freaking out camping at my Dad's if she happened to see a spider or some such (there was a pretty damn good chance of it). I also worried that snakes may have an even bigger reaction from her and being summer and in the middle of nowhere I also thought there was a good chance she'd see at least one. I had voiced this concern a week or two beforehand and was surprised by the reaction. D actually wanted to see a snake, out of pure curiosity as she'd never seen one "in the wild" before. Apparently the image of snakes on TV or seeing them in a zoo don't make her squeamish and she wondered if she'd be scared. Mind you, her husband on the other hand had forbidden D to camp with their daughter while away with me because he was scared Little Miss would get "eaten by a snake".

So as we continued up the dirt road D's awe continued, she handled the actual driving well and continued to amuse me with her joy and excitement of just being there. Distracted with the camera to my face trying to get the photo's D requested, her hard braking took me by surprise, though not as much as her sudden elevation in excited squeals and screams this time with the word "snake" thrown in there. The snake had slithered off the road by the time I knew which direction to even look but it took several minutes for D to settle down enough for me to ask her what her first impression of seeing a "real live snake in the wild" was... It scared her, even with the safety of the car between it and her.

We made it up river and D met my stepmother, Curly, as well as the friends who were also camping. Within just a couple of hours of being there D's husband had called the house, since he discovered the mobile wouldn't work, several times checking up on her and his daughter. D loved the house which Curly had built almost 30yrs ago (with the intention of living there alone) and as nine of us sat around the table finishing off dinner at 10 that night the phone rang again. We were all absolutely convinced it would again be D's husband and as such my Dad chose to answer it with a gruff; "This better be fucking good ringing me at this hour!" which after a short silence on his part was followed by a feeble "Oh hello J", my sister clearly heard our laughter from her end of the phone...

D only stayed a few days but she provided a shitload of laughs in that time simply because she speaks whatever it is that comes into her head. She camped close to the house, just behind the pile of Hakea which none of us felt the need to tell her was the one most likely home for a reptile close by. She spent a little time looking for the "flusher" on her first trip over to the dunny, even yelling out to make sure she wasn't missing it. My sister and I wondered just how deep she thought that hole in the ground was... On her first morning she asked where the toaster and the kettle were to get herself a cuppa and Little Miss some breakfast, she looked a little bewildered when she was answered only with laughter, the wood stove hadn't yet been lit... She enjoyed the river and the surrounds as well as my sister's growing array of "farm" animals. I enjoyed giving her that experience almost as much as I enjoyed poking fun at her.

Peek-a-Boo

2007-12-24T17:20:00.000+11:00

I've been a terrible blogger I know, not that that's anything new... And yeah I know I've come back with a pretty poor excuse for a photo of my tree but it's the best I could do quickly. I promise to try to be a better blogger come the new year!

I just couldn't go without wishing all of you a very Merry Christmas!!!

I'm right at this moment meant to be cooking various xmas goodies but having got half way I have been distracted and lulled back into procrastination. I'm enjoying the "Season" this year and while I'm busy none of it has been too hard to handle. I think my only painful social gathering will be my immediate family get together on Boxing Day, kinda sounds bad saying that though...

I hope you are all getting into the festive spirit and spending some time with those you care most about. Enjoy yourselves in whatever way works for you!!

Snooze-fest

2007-11-28T11:22:00.000+11:00

* Well so much for getting my creative juices flowing... My NaNoWriMo attempt didn't even get off the ground so will have to try that again next year. I've written nothing for almost a month and still there's not much to tell. Last weeks federal election couldn't have gone better IMHO, to see Bonsai lose his seat of 30+ odd years was priceless let alone the libs loss. New PM has been a long time coming and it will be interesting to see how he handles it.

* My little sister's were up for a few days to celebrate their b'days last weekend which was good. While littlest managed to get VERY drunk VERY quickly she impressed me by lasting with me 'til the sun was up (which was more than anyone else.. *cough*Tom*cough*). Was a different night to what I expected but still everyone seemed to enjoy it.

* My brother has yet again surprised me with the level of his selfishness and rudeness but now it just mildly ticks me off because for the most part I've stopped giving a shit. I won't even say what I think of his other half...

* I've almost finished my little (actually it turned into a rather big) photo project and hopefully I'll have it on the wall by next week. That will make me more than a little happy!

* I have started my christmas shopping and dreading the last of it. While I get a kick out of giving the actual physical shopping factor drives me bonkers. Really must try to finish it int he next week so that the real rush of christmas shopping doesn't send me to an early grave.

* Drew finishes school in a little over 3 weeks and the following 5-6weeks are pretty much booked solid. I'm fairly sure we're going to need the month of February to recover.

"Stressed" Teen; Stupid Mother: Great Combination

2007-11-04T12:19:00.000+11:00

I just couldn't go past this story without a few words. To summarise for those not wanting to click... It tells of a 16yr old Year 10 student in our nations capital who has been given permission by her school to have smoke breaks. That's not even the best bit, it was apparently on her DOCTOR'S advice as she is "clinically addicted". Well fuck, of course the best idea is to give her all the reason in the world to keep smoking.

So many parts of this story are fucked up I almost don't know where to start. How bout that it is illegal to sell or supply a minor with cigarettes. Or maybe start with the treatment of one who is "clinically addicted" by feeding her fucking addiction. Will we do the same for all the teens in our schools addicted to marijuana, ice, heroin and whatever the fuck else?

I'm a smoker and I've smoked since before I was in High School, I don't claim that as a badge of honour it is just a sad fact. I know damn well smoking is fucking stupid and so does anyone else who smokes. Yes it is an addiction and No it isn't easy to quit. My mother has known I've smoked for the last 10 or so years and she STILL won't even buy me smokes with my own money. No one ever encouraged me to smoke and I take full responsibility for my habit and what I do about it. Having said all that I am looking at this story and find it seriously fucked up, especially from a mother's point of view. Have a look at what this teen's mother had to say about the matter...

Tara's mother, also a smoker, said the situation reached breaking point last month when her daughter was placed on detention, and prevented from leaving the school grounds.

"She was really stressed. She just calms down if she has got a cigarette; otherwise she storms in the door, cranky and angry."

How about taking at look at why the girl was given a detention in the first bloody place and teaching her ways of avoiding that! It's a punishment, of course she should be stressed the idea is to deter the bad behaviour! Show a little leadership and parent your child at home and deal with the storming around the fucking house.

Ms Lewis said she made the request during a meeting with a teacher and the vice-principal.

"I told them her major problem is when she is stressed, if she could just have a cigarette to calm her down and stop her getting angry.

"I said: 'I've talked to the doctor about it'.

"Both teachers said: 'Okay, I don't see why not'."

Okay three things:
1) take her to an anger management class
2) get a new doctor
3) change her school

Under the special rule, Tara said she can smoke in school grounds, near the staff carpark, but must remain away from other students.

Tara's mother said she had started rewarding Tara with just six cigarettes a day if she did chores and behaved at school.

"It's not like I want my kid to smoke. I've done everything to get her to stop it, so if I can control it and say 'when you can have a cigarette, you do chores', that might help.

"I don't want her smoking. It's the last thing you want to let your kid do."

If you don't want your daughter smoking DON'T GIVE THEM TO HER pretty bloody simple. Try being the responsible adult in your family and get a clue!

Think I'm done now, I feel better anyway :-)

Purging, the old fashioned way...

2007-11-03T17:03:00.001+11:00

I'm still alive and all moved and all that crap. Took a little while to get net sorted which didn't bother me too much. Been back online for a week or two and have caught up quietly reading everyone else's blogs and figure it's about time I did an entry of my own. So I'm starting the clock and doing a 30min purge...

My move ended up happening rather quickly even though I knew it was coming for months before. I fucked around for weeks/months looking for a place in a rental market which is fucked up and even more so for someone in my position. After countless appointments looking at houses and well over a dozen applications for properties each with dozens of other applicants I had no new place and the end of my lease quickly approaching. The real estate I was dealing with were no help and became rather painful to deal with. Then my Plan A came back into play when my neighbour (friend) decided she was moving into (rather than selling) the property she and her husband bought just before he decided to walk out on her and the kids. Meaning I could move into the house she was moving out of and rent directly from her. So I moved a few doors over in the same street and Little Boy remains at the same school and we remain in the quiet little street that we both enjoy.

I've also had a new Little Miss to look after 5 days a week, the daughter of my above mentioned friend and now new landlord. So my daily routine has altered to cater for an almost 2yr old, who is a gorgeous kid to look after. This has also meant my somewhat hermit-esque lifestyle has taken a dramatic change with people coming and going each and every day. I am not sure yet if this is entirely a good thing, I am missing MY time. Today is the first day in weeks that I have not had a kid for any part of the day and have not had to go anywhere with anyone. It's been an enjoyable quiet day!

The move also had a side effect on my family relationships. Heated words were exchanged between my brother and myself after some extremely selfish (in my opinion) behaviour on his part and not helped by actions of his partner. It culminated with the shit hitting the fan on the final day of my move and my brother also having words with both my sister and Mum, I almost felt sorry for him... almost. Since then his partner has had more of an influence and I'm pretty sure that I will very rarely be taking care of my niece from here on in. I always saw that coming as I know that my connection and steady influence with my niece was not liked or appreciated by my brother's controlling half (I'm trying to be nice here). The fact that I won't be having Little Miss as often, in itself does not bother me too much at this point. The 5am mornings and long days of a 3yr old princess are not always fun and though I was getting paid (a little) the constant expectation of more began to wear very thin. Perhaps one day soon my brother will see just how much I gave and for so little thanks.

My new house is beginning to feel like home, even though there are remnants of it's former occupants still around the place, like the fish tank still in the lounge room, there are not so many boxes left to unpack. Hopefully by the end of the year I will have everything in it's right place, the new pieces I still need (want) to buy in place and the last of the excess clutter/baggage/shit gone.

My online activities have also had to change dramatically since my move but that's not a bad thing either. I'm still reading the blogs I want to read and keeping up with the news on here but my own additions to the net have become even less than they were (taking them to zero?!) but that too will change. I (re)signed up for NaNoWriMo and intend to get my writing flowing in some form or fashion over this month. I have no expectation of reaching the 50,000 word mark but I always work better to some form of a deadline and will be happy to write almost anything. I desperately need to get creative in some way.

Well my thirty minutes is up, apologies for the boring ranting and dribble but hey I wrote something!!! I may not be commenting on your blogs but I'm definitely still reading!

Moving House

2007-10-06T22:58:00.000+10:00

Moving over the next couple of days

Back online when I get around to it

Then hopefully back to some sort of normal

Not so hopeless?

2007-10-03T23:20:00.000+10:00

A month of absolute fucking hell

Perhaps a ray of sunlight has been seen

Not quite ready to grasp the hope too strongly

Want to believe but waiting to see it happen

Give it a week...

And if so, hard work means fuck all

It still comes down to who you know!

Give Up?

2007-09-25T15:22:00.000+10:00

I've watched as it went from one new code to the other and sat here shaking my head in disbelief at those people who've jumped and:

* complained they didn't know the last move was coming (get your head out of your own arse and look at the font page of your beloved community once in a while); or

* complained and asked when they will get their old posts back, and let me clarify there is a difference between the complaining/expectation and appreciation that it could be possible but there's been a shit load of the former! (You should remember that there was a back-up function which was very easy to use once in a while. If you don't use it, then when your blog goes find another way to get your posts back if they are so important. But why are they only important once they're bloody gone? It's your content don't expect anyone else to get it back for you BUT if they DO, show some damn appreciation!); or

* instead of pointing out bugs in the completely new system some have grumbled "I can't do... A, B or C" ... "I can't scratch my own arse". (For a place that you keep choosing to stick with and have followed the recent problems and I assume you know it is a HOBBY for ONE man, how bout you show a little fucking patience and let the man do his thing and yeah it may not be in the first fucking day but hey you wanted to stay for the community right?)

There have been a lot of other things said too that have made my jaw drop and I've started to pity Keith for all that he must get privately as well as out in the public forums. Quite a few people have been just plain rude and selfish.

Now having said all that I have tried to be patient in waiting for my little problem (and anyone else's who uses a hotmail acc and doesn't want another fucking email addy to keep track of) of just getting into the site. One of Keith's first posts on the new code was about login issues and he posted this comment several days ago: "Even if you registered for WPMU before .. you need to register again for this new script. If you are having issues with getting the verification then please tell me what user name you registered with and I will get that verified for you." The very next comment is from me doing just that, and yet here I am almost a week later still waiting.

You know it wouldn't have bothered me too much because I'd already decided to stay here for the most part. Most of the blogs I read there have not gone registered or buddy only, I can still read and comment and all that so it wasn't bothering me. Until... Keith gets his little subscriptions working, which is all well and good for the community, but in the process it fucked up the feed for bloglines.

I've got enough shit to contend with offline I don't want to be wasting the little time I spend on here at this point. So if I don't get round to your blogs much don't take it personally. At the moment I've pretty much given up on it but when my life settles back in to some kind of normalcy I'll come back to it. For now I'm going to mirror my life on this blog and become a hermit of sorts, I just can't be bothered.

Much Longer?

2007-09-24T23:59:00.000+10:00

Each day goes by with uncertainty hanging over it, still

I'm sick of living and breathing the bullshit, but must continue

I'm beginning to feel like the piece of crap I've been pigeon holed as

I'm running out of steam, confidence, motivation and time

Hours upon hours wasted and all ending with the same result

There is nothing more I could be doing, no magic words to mutter

I just want to crawl into a little ball and cry...

Guest blog of the year!

2007-09-23T01:18:00.000+10:00

Zee Redbacjk here... akla thpmas. (www.redback.blogspot.com)

Ted is singing powderfinger on singstar. they atre teh gay. I have on l,y drANK 4/5thsw of a btottle of scoptch. Not much. still cohrennet. Danei9llel just stuick her finger up at me vcausre I bagtged out powdergfind.

Fucmk they are gaytt!~

I sgould b l0g on my own blog. nah. my blogt is gay. gayert than waking up qwithg a cock in your mouth.

w3ll, im off, singstar calls. (ts s4ex//////

SEXC!!~!!!!!

QOOOOO~PWPQQPQPQPQ

Wiiiiooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo~

Still here...

2007-09-16T18:18:00.000+10:00

I've been flat out and as much as I'd love to flood my blog with bitching and moaning about my life at the moment (it'd be overflowing in no time) I just don't have the energy. So instead I give you this for now...

Oh and I don't think I'll be moving this blog any time soon so no need to change your bookmarks, again.

While I Was Out

2007-09-09T14:49:00.000+10:00

So yeah I've been forced back to here. Design won't be fixed for a few weeks, I can't be bothered spending the time on it at the moment.

While I was away from here I didn't pay any attention at all so upon my return I had a quick look at my stats page. It was a little scary to see where some people had come from to land their little butts here. Just a few search examples:-

* alcoholic donuts (ok not so strange yet)

* how to break stubborn streak in little boy (hmm i'm not so big on "breaking" your kid but ok not too bad)

* small cock support group (just because I mentioned it doesn't mean my blog will be of any use for those actually looking for a group, so why would you click to here?)

* my life lady sweety (this one is kind of sad. Many people are finding their lovers online but most of them use dating sites, this poor sod was trying to google her out of the abyss)

* visine on cock ( my apologies to the lovely LV I think you somehow got caught in the crossfire)

* little dicked grandfather humiliation (wtf? I don't know if this was the grandfather or the grandson but either way how the hell did I make the cut? I even opened the search to try to answer this question and after 10pages hadn't found the answer or me)

* what should be the reasonable size of penis to fuck properly (by now I'm starting to see a pattern and for someone who hasn't had any cock in a couple of years now it is slightly worrying. In answer to the search (in case it's repeated) if you have to google it chances are you're not quite there)

* little dicked bears (this is my personal favourite I must say and I'm not going to even try to work it out)

I'll just have to see if I can improve on these in the future.

Chaser's War on APEC

2007-09-07T22:48:00.000+10:00

I decided not to blog about this yesterday as it all came out but since I'm still laughing today I changed my mind. I'll also use any excuse to write something, anything, at the moment.

The Chaser boys are well known in this country and people tend to either love them or hate them. Their "War on Everything" provides a certain kind of comedy and satire which can be hard to find these days and has given them (and the ABC) a regularly top rating TV show. Wednesday's show gave a taste of the humour during the lead up and the beginning of APEC with this:

A few days ago they pulled their first stunt during the APEC summit in Sydney by showing up at a student protest dressed as a horse and copper. A fairly ordinary joke at the expense of not only APEC but the apparently dire state of our equine community (due to a horse flu outbreak) which led to the police being unable to use their horses as part of security.

Yesterday, however, they took it to another level and were rewarded for their efforts. The boys hired three "official looking" cars and a couple of motorbikes and formed their own motorcade. Dressing the cars in Canadian flags and flanking them with guys in suits they headed towards the restricted zone of the city to see how far they'd get. They included in their "disguise" their own "Insecurity" APEC ID badges which were clearly labelled "Chaser's War" and "Joke". There has been $250 million spent on security this week, some of which I spoke of a couple of posts ago. But, as it turns out the fake motorcade was waved through the first police checkpoint and then the second as well. When the team reached the third and final checkpoint just a matter of metres from President Bush's accommodation they decided to turn around. Before they did Chas stepped out of one of the motorcade's cars dressed as Osama bin Laden and stated that he was a powerful world leader and wanted an invite too. It was only at this point that police realised they'd been had and swarmed the motorcade and arrested all 11 people involved.

The publicity is more than The Chaser has ever had before, managing to be among the top stories for both yesterday and today. A poll on a newspaper website asked if the prank was funny and after 28,000+ votes almost 90% said yes. But predictably not everyone has seen the humour, most notably the top dogs in the police responsible for the security this week. They have said today that the comedians were lucky not to be shot by snipers, to which Julian Morrow responded that "lucky it was us and not al-Qaeda". A fair point in my opinion. I found Today Tonight's story last night on the prank rather amusing in itself and even more so when I caught a little of the show tonight too. Since the public has been overwhelming in their support of the Chaser guys TT changed tact and the boy's went from "dangerous fools" to the next big thing. Several "media experts" saying the team could make millions by jumping ship to a commercial station and one going as far as saying the boy's could make it even bigger in Hollywood.

There are a couple of things about the security breach which should be worrisome, not least of which is the fact that the Canadian PM was not yet even in the country. On a day when there was 92 motorcades travelling through the inner city within just a few short hours I would have thought the security actually on the ground would at the very least know which countries delegates were running around the place.

The team were all released on bail last night and are due to face court next month and could face a maximum of six months jail. That didn't stop another three of the Chaser's crew filming in the city again this afternoon. This time they dressed with black cardboard cars, with paper plates for wheels but still adorned with Canadian flags, and kept their "motorcade" out of the restricted zone. The police again took them in for questioning though this time had to let them go without charge. You can't help but give The Chaser some credit!

Just as an aside, a couple of other quick observations to do with APEC:

1) I've been incredibly impressed with Opposition Leader Kevin Rudd so far during the summit. Yesterday during a meeting with the Chinese President and various officials and big business representatives Rudd took to the microphone after Bonsai and welcomed the Chinese in fluent Mandarin.

2) Is it just me or does Bush's slip of the tongue this morning thanking Bonsai for his hospitality during the "OPEC" meeting seem a little Freudian? I mean he corrected himself rather quickly but after telling everyone how important the oil is to Iraq etc etc the other day it just seems to me he has a little too much oil on the mind. Yet not one media outlet has said anything along those lines...

3) For two countries who have NOT ratified the Kyoto Protocol it seems more than a touch hypocritical for Bush and Bonsai to now be claiming climate change is among their top priorities. Another blatant election campaign move by Howard is his attempt to make CC top of the pile for this summit.

Drugs, Sex and David Duchovny; What more could you want?

2007-09-05T12:02:00.000+10:00

I've fallen (back) in love with David Duchovny. I've watched the first two episodes of Californication and it's my new favourite show! Before the first ep aired here I mentioned to Phil that I'd be watching it and he voiced his surprise that it was being shown on free-to-air TV here. Well a couple of weeks in and it certainly hasn't gone unnoticed. There was predictably a few people up in arms last week about the whole first scene with the "nun". I was a little surprised that it seemed to blow over relatively quickly.

Until this week anyway. The headline yesterday was "Drugs, sex and vomit prompt Californication boycott call". The article tells of "outraged family groups" who held a candlelight vigil outside the Channel 10 offices as the show aired on Monday night and also of the proposed boycott of not only the show but of the advertisers as well. The writer of this article also asks the question "Should TV script writers continue breaking taboos or should they pull their heads in and focus on less offensive material such as the US series of The Office?" I find the question humorous in itself purely because the original UK series of The Office was a shitload better than the US one. Anyway, the story has since generated 850+ comments, which is pretty impressive considering 3-400 is a lot for a good story on that site. From my reading I'd say a majority of those comments were defending the show and Channel 10.

I find it amusing and a little worrying that people can get so worked up about something they saw on a fictional TV show. I decided to share just a couple of those comments that opposed the show and offer my thoughts on them. Feel free to stop reading anytime now, this was an exercise for my own amusement and distraction...

"Ehat a disgaceful show. If you perverts want porn go and hire at the video shop. Normal people do not want this crap on TV

Posted by: rodger of Brisbane"

First of all let me say that "normal people" don't spell Roger with a d, Rodger. More importantly I'd say you need to get your rocks off a little more often and perhaps that could be done by investing in (or googling) better porn than you currently have. If Californication is your definition of porn than you are very obviously missing out on a lot! I didn't see one cock! Being more sexually (self)satisfied may also help in relaxing you a little.

"Im a boradminded 30 somthing, and I think this show is a disgrace. You cannot prevent children from watching fee to air TV and this sort of trash has no place on free to air TV. Channel 10.....you seem to be on track to rival Channel 4 in the UK...nothing but soft porn, reality TV and nothing of substance. Australia is better than this.

Posted by: benny of perth"

Leaving your spelling and typing abilities alone and going straight to your parenting skills, or lack there of, I would suggest your children should be in bed at that time of night. Failing that I would secondly suggest no TV's in the child's bedroom. Failing both of those options I'd suggest you step the fuck up and PARENT your children. I certainly don't have a problem preventing my son from watching this or any other show on TV.

"the argument "obviously they forgot they can turn their tvs off" is a much-repeated but actually redundant argument. So, do we run shows showing women being abused, beaten, bashed, or the killing of children, then say "if u dont like it, dont watch it"? Surely we need some standards. You can say that till your blue in the face, but what about all the teens who have tvs in their bedrooms? can parents be everywhere at once? Saying "just turn the tv off" takes all responsibillity away from those charged with the responsibility of putting content on our tvs. In reality, it only makes the job harder for those who are trying to raise their kids to have decent morals, and for what? the pleasure of people who like getting free porn on free-to-air tv instead of having to suffer the humiliation of renting it out from the dvd store.

Posted by: anthony of perth"

I think you'll find the shows about women and children (and even men!) being abused, bashed and killed are Law & Order, CSI and various other shows I'm sure you've seen and not complained about. So the simple answer to your question would be "yes, on a nightly basis". Just like Californication they are fictional shows but they seem to cause no objection from the "family groups" and others like yourself. Parenting is up to you and instead of relying on others to monitor what your children do and don't see on TV how bout you take that responsibility upon yourself.

Bloody Fools

2007-09-05T11:57:00.000+10:00

I need a brief distraction from my life so I'm not blogging personal or life shit today. Since I watched a press conference a little while ago by two absolute wankers, one of whom is the biggest dickhead holding a position of power in the world today. No prizes for guessing that I'm talking about Bush and "Bonsai" (my fave John Howard nickname) in the lead up to the APEC summit being held this week in Sydney. I'm going to make a real effort not to get into too much serious detail.

Now let me start by saying I don't think the summit itself is a bad thing, in fact it could be quite beneficial and productive given the right leaders but I won't dwell on that one. It also happens to be a timely and handy tool for Bonsai in the lead up to our federal election. He knows this all too well and started off in great form by attending a National Rugby League awards event last night instead of meeting Bush at Sydney airport on his arrival. To a very sporting nation such as ours it was a blatant (and futile) attempt at looking like a "typical Aussie bloke". It may have had a chance of working IF we didn't know just how UNsporting little Bonsai is, as evidenced in this little vid.

There has also been a lot of talk here about Bonsai's choice of location for the summit. Being a sydneysider I can see all the good reasons to hold it here, it is the biggest (and best) city in the country. However, it is not the capital and considering this APEC summit is one of our biggest political events, at least on a regional scale, it would seem logical to hold it in our nations capital. This would also mean a hell of a lot less disruption to residents and would be much easier to provide the required security. As it stands we have a city of four million and the CBD basically in lock-down for a week with numerous road closures, security check-points and no-go zones at differing times. So much so that the city was given a public holiday for Friday and encouraged to "go away" for a long weekend.

With Sydney locked in to host and Bush already in the city the summit is well under way. As I mentioned the first joint press conference was held a little while ago with the two buddies joking and blabbing on about Iraq and how well they are doing. Also mentioning climate change and the need to reduce greenhouse gas emissions which led to an agreement on nuclear energy. That's the word, nuclear, that sticks out to me from the press conference as Bush was forced to try to say it at least a dozen times. I know he's nearing the end of his term and he's been around for years now but it still amazes me that the "hardest job in the world" is held by a man who can not even manage to string a coherent sentence together when facing the world's media! Fuck knows how he does it when he has to write it himself.

Okay I'm already bored with this topic and no doubt so are you. So I'll go back to blocking my ears and closing my eyes in an attempt to ignore the stupidity that is bound to be of abundance this week. Which may even spare you from a proper rant on the topic. Hmm did I even make a point with this? meh who cares...

Not so Fucking Good

2007-08-20T12:30:00.000+10:00

Things fell into place

And have now been scattered

Fucked up no end

Too good to be true

Too fucking right

Just another fucked up hurdle to get over

We Make 'em Tough

2007-08-04T13:10:00.000+10:00

I'm no extreme sport fan but you just gotta give this guy, aussie Jake Brown, a hell of a lot of credit! Most of you have probably already seen it but I just had to share!

Ouch!

Edit - I can't stop watching this, it amazes me. But what makes me giggle is the commentator when Jake is still laying on the ramp motionless, "I can't believe he did a 720!" What he really meant was, "pfft the guy may be laying dead on the ramp after falling 40 or so feet, but at least he'll be in the record books for doing the first 720 in competition."

It's All Good

2007-08-02T13:45:00.000+10:00

I've procrastinated and dread but been doing anyway

Dared not believe the best option would happen

Became increasingly frustrated and annoyed

Stressed while convincing myself not to stress

Within just three hours the weight was lifted

That was yesterday, today nothing took it's place

Things just have a way of falling into place

Fuck it feels good!!!

It all started with...

2007-07-18T12:19:00.000+10:00

It all started with an insult!

Walking home from the shops this afternoon Little Boy looked at me and said "You look pregnant." and when I replied "you mean I look fat?" his only response then was "that's your words not mine!" Very diplomatic of him I know. Well the conversation then went from bad to worse as they tend to do in these situations while Little Boy persisted in telling me I "could" be pregnant and even as I insisted that I really wasn't nor could I be, the inevitable "why?" came out of his mouth.

"Cause..." was the first word out and I was very tempted, in true Mum fashion, just to leave it at that but thought better(?) of it and added "there'd need to be a father." Now I've always known that The Talk would come one day I guess I just hoped it wouldn't be any time soon. At the same time I'd much prefer he got his information from me in some way first, rather than on the playground at school or from his father!

This is when it got really awkward as Little Boy's first reaction was that his father could be it. I think I did very well not to burst into a tirade of swearing or just vomit. I managed to keep composure and just assure him that wasn't going to be the case, which opened me up to more questions of; "does it have to be the same father?" - "No." - "Does it have to be a different father?" - "No." at which point he stopped talking and took a moment to think things through. So I took the opportunity to try and squirm my way out of this (at least until we were home) without shrugging him off and told him I'd get out a book for him to read tonight.

I just couldn't stop myself though, I'm naturally a stirrer even when it comes to Little Boy. After his less than enthusiastic response to having to read a book on the vague subject I added; "it tells you all about sex!" there it was, the one little word I'd tried to avoid and it was now his turn to squirm!

He made various "ewww" noises and covered his face as he backed off the subject he'd unknowingly started. I was in full swing now, it was out I didn't care how many times I said it, sex sex sex. I asked if he knew what it was and initially he said yes but wasn't keen on telling me what it was. I tried going around it a little differently and asked him who had talked about it or what he'd seen that made him know what it was and he wasn't sure. So I tried another approach and asked him "who does it then?" expecting the standard answer of "a man and a woman" but never one to disappoint Little Boy instead almost instantly replied with "Homer!"

I eventually stopped laughing as Little Boy quite willingly told me of Marge and Homer having sex in an episode he's apparently "seen at least five times." (a sign of things to come?) Now I'm used to many things Little Boy sees being related back to things he's seen in The Simpsons and while I didn't expect this particular one I did use it to my advantage.

So, by the time we got home I had worked out that Little Boy was at least on the right track with sex, what it was and who did it. We walked in the driveway, the conversation well over, Little Boy dawdling along behind me muttering to himself as he very often does and I hear "S - E - X... S-E-X". Obviously I don't need to tell him how to spell it.

Within minutes of being inside he actually asked me for the book and he is currently behind me with his nose stuck in Where Did I Come From? and there's been a few little snickers and one loud burst of laughter, so far. Well it's as good a place as any to start...

2007-07-07T13:47:00.000+10:00

Was away for a week, now I'm not.

Tom hurt himself last night, but will let him blog that (was heaps funny though).

Now kinda a little bit drunk after his sis' 18th and my Little Boy gone for a while.

Blog properly later!!!

Over there....

2007-06-26T11:50:00.000+10:00

Ok so maybe I'm a little fickle...

With the Re-Style all up and running over at EFx2 and it being MUCH easier to use, which Keith always said it would be but I had serious doubts and other unrelated issues with the place, I'm going back there.

so http://survivingthetorment.efx2.com is me again

Sorry for being a pain in the arse...

Random bits

2007-06-11T21:41:00.000+10:00

I was going to blog tonight, but as is often the case I got sidetracked...

So instead I'll leave you with these two clips. The first is Joel Salom who I thought was pretty cool when i saw him on this show a few weeks ago (for the impatient among you just watch the last 2min or so). The second is The Umbilical Brothers, who I've loved for 15 or more years. Enjoy and hopefully I'll have something real to blog soon.

Oh and on a completely unrelated note, I thought it was a little wrong the other day when I heard the dueling banjos used on a kids show! You just can't help but get mental images...

I'm glad I stayed up 'til 5am this morning watching F1, was well worth it! Hamilton got his first win under his belt and Webber managed to finish!

Little Boy is not convinced we don't have faeries living in our microwave but he knows how to spell fuck properly now!

Goodnight folks

Live, I'm Not Dead!

2007-06-01T09:52:00.000+10:00

Growing up music was always a part of my daily life. My tastes were always a little eclectic and bordered on "uncool" but I had enough pop likes to avoid complete humiliation from my peers. Living in Sydney during my pre-teen years I managed to see Roxette live on their Joyride tour as well as *cough*Vanilla Ice*cough* where even I was shocked by the fight over his dirty, sweaty, little towel. I also enjoyed more than a few live theatre shows, including the obligatory Phantom of the Opera and Rocky Horror Picture Show. Even when I moved down the coast I made an epic journey (2hrs in a taxi and another couple on the train) back up to Sydney in order to go to Madonna's Girlie Show. Maybe I took this all for granted.

As I got older I was a little pickier about what shows and concerts I went to, since I was now the one paying for them. Janet Jackson was my first concert as an "adult" I think. I enjoyed many different types of shows and concerts, I only ever walked out of one show and that was a little play that I don't remember the name of in a dodgy backalley theatre, no surprise. I'm among the first to be offered spare tickets to anything musical by my family, since chances are I will like whatever it happens to be. I saw UB40 and Bette Midler for free (I wouldn't have paid the price of the tickets anyway), because my Aunty couldn't use the tickets, but I was pleasantly surprised in both instances. I don't get to many concerts these days but if there's someone I really want to see I make it happen.

I am getting to a point somewhere here, I think...

A few weeks ago I was tossing up whether or not to get tickets to see Pink (my fascination/crush had been growing for weeks) when the new dates went on sale for her ever growing I'm Not Dead tour. My only concern was who I'd take with me as several people had already been and I didn't want to go with someone who didn't even like her nor did I want to go by myself. So the night before the tickets went on sale I decided to call my elder little sister and if she'd go then we both would. She said "yes" in a heartbeat and by 9.10 the next morning I had the tickets. It was only in those following days when I was getting excited text messages that I realised my darling little, 19yr old, country bumpkin sister had never been to a concert.

So sis arrived on Sunday and we spent most of the evening with Pink blaring from the stereo (not unusual for my place) and deciding what to wear. We'd basically been ordered to stay in the City on Monday after the concert by her (over-protective?) boyfriend and our (over-protective?) father, who didn't want us catching a train home at midnight. With Little Boy being taken care of by my older sis we headed in to the Motel (very conveniently owned by a family friend) by early afternoon on Monday. By the time we left to make our way to the concert venue to say we were excited would be an understatement. We skipped down the street, giggling and singing like a pair of schoolgirls. That was remedied five minutes later when we stood scratching our heads and lost. While my country bumpkin sis has an excuse I just have no sense of direction whatsoever.

We were back on track and at the venue just a few minutes past six and joined the back of the line. Long waits in line tend to take the thrill and excitement out of an occasion quite quickly; as do loud, drunk and rude lesbians standing behind you in said line. Eventually we made it inside and were told to sit down on the dancefloor and continue waiting. It was at this time that my country bumpkin virgin concert goer little sis realised that we were sitting a matter of metres away from where Pink would soon be standing and singing on stage. It dawned on her how close we'd be and the look of shock and awe that spread across her face was priceless!

When we stood and were even closer to the stage I think the wind changed, because a huge grin was plastered on my little sister's face from then on. We endured the support act and screamed with everyone else when Pink began. Pink is super fucking hot and one hell of a singer and entertainer, but I think it was being able to experience my little sister's very first concert that made the night that much better!

Dodgy phone photo's of great performance!

Withdrawals?

2007-05-20T00:59:00.000+10:00

Okay so last night I caught the arse end of a doco on SBS called "My Penis and I". I thought it was pretty ballsy (for want of a better word) of this guy to do. A couple of things caught my attention. The fact that there's a support group for little dicked guys in Manhattan was one, followed by the fact that there is support groups for big cocked guys too which I happened upon after googling the former. I also enjoyed the bit about Cynthia Plaster Caster, now that's a hobby I could enjoy, especially since she's taken up casting tits as well. All in all it was an interesting doco, though not enough for me to change my thinking... size DOES matter!

Now the next penis related topic comes from my (still) favourite blog, "Desperately Seeking... Something?". The photos they find (from my understanding most come from Craigslist) over there never cease to amaze me. I thought some of these fellows might need a few tips. Not that I believe any of them will come here looking for them but any of you out there who are considering posting naked photos of yourself online in the hopes of finding women may want to consider a few points:-

1. Take off your fucking socks!!!!! I can not express this strongly enough!

2. If you are going to strip, do it properly! Either you're naked or you're not, don't leave your pants around your knees or ankles!

3. Any reference to your children should be well out of the picture, this includes but is not limited to teddy bears and bunk beds.

4. Comparing your cock to various items rarely works, so just don't go there. If your cock is of a reasonable size and girth we will be able to see that. Putting a lightbulb/lighter/battery/hairspray can etc next to it will do no justice!

5. The angle of your photo is important, I can't imagine any woman being turned on by a photo taken from your feet looking up...

6. If you have a small cock maybe you should leave your clothes on. Similarly if your dick is on the larger side there is no need to try to accentuate it even more by such things as a tape measure or pulling your shirt tight behind your back.

7. The bathroom is no place for photos! Posing over the sink/toilet is not a positive.

8. If you are going to stand naked in a photo, put yourself in the foreground and not so far back that it is necessary to squint... bathtubs and home gyms in the foreground do not impress.

9. If you choose to take your photo laying on a bed, clean up around you. The size of your dick won't compensate for the clothes on the floor or the piles of empty beer cans.

10. Take off your fucking socks!

Alcoholic Donuts

2007-05-06T20:23:00.000+10:00

Only shot I got of Trinder's Torana

So I spent all day yesterday at the drags, hoping for a win for my BIL but that wasn't to happen. Next on my hopes was lots of photos and fun with my camera, that didn't happen that much either. But the racing was entertaining so had a pretty good day anyway. The finals included a major crash, and let's face it half the thrill of motorsport comes from the crashes (mind you we never want anyone hurt!). The bloke was released from hospital late last night so it's all good and "That's racing!". Have a look at the video of it here.

Listening to the commentary throughout the day I did begin to question just what sort of people were at the track... The first quote that raised the question was about "Two of the best alcoholics around." and then a little later was this one, "Now might be a good time to shoot up" which was followed by quite a lengthy pause in which time Mum and I looked at each other and wondered what we should do instead, but then we heard, "to see the girls in our merchandise shop."

I also decided that I'd love to be a cameraman (camerawoman just doesn't have the same ring to it) for Speedweek. I could quite happily spend the entire day down on the startline, along the wall or at the end of the track with a camera on my shoulder as the cars roared past me. But then I decided I'd be sacked pretty quickly when the sponsors complained that the "pit girls" weren't getting any airtime.

Oh and we think the biggest money spinner of the day was the little food van which sold hot cinnamon donuts. One of the women we were with lined up for over half an hour in search of a few hot ones. Upon her return she passed around the bag and offered them to all, which prompted Drew's and my own need for more. I then had to line up for at least half an hour in which time I watched as the crowd surrounding every other food and merchandise outlets went running from their lines as the Top Alcohol cars had some anti-climactic drama on the start yet everyone stayed for the donuts!

Boring as bat shit...

2007-05-01T15:44:00.000+10:00

...that's me I know, I've been told on numerous occasions.

I've had fleeting thoughts and ideas of something to write over the last week or so but none substantial enough to warrant an entry, and maybe I shouldn't have started this one either...

So I've noticed around and about the place (well was shown actually) this idea of "One Day Blog Silence" as some symbol for the victims at Virginia Tech and other victims of violence. With all due respect to the dead, injured and their families, this kind of struck me as odd and rather pointless. Seems to me part of the problem could be the silence of people to begin with. There are always warning signs in varying degrees and forms to these types of violent acts. Perhaps if more people paid attention to those around them and spoke up when something felt wrong, when someone was in need or if changes were necessary.. then some of the violence could possibly be averted.

Aside from that point, what is achieved by a bunch of bloggers not blogging for one day and are they really giving up that much? So okay those who post several times a day may get a little bored but c'mon who really cares if you blog today or wait until tomorrow? Wouldn't it be better to show your feelings by something more productive, like spending the day you're not blogging and going to donate blood which may just save the life of the next victim of violence. Or getting together and coming up with some realistic and reasonable reforms that may help stop these things from happening again and putting them forward to the powers that be. Now I'm not claiming to have any answers and I'm not putting my hand up to say what I do or don't do is any different or better than the next person, but this particular "trend" for today struck me as an attention seeking device for the individual blogger rather than something truly constructive or respectful.

The use of the line "Silence can say more than a thousand words" may have a small point, but then a thousand words is not much use anyway if it's all talk and no action. If you really want to make a statement or show respect, doing something that makes a difference doesn't have to be hard. Giving of yourself to those around you in ways big or small shows more compassion, respect and gratitude for life than sitting down and shutting up.

Cringe

2007-04-24T00:23:00.000+10:00

No one manages to make my skin crawl the way you do

You don't even have to "do" anything to do it

Which just makes it worse when you are a prick

Your voice alone makes me cringe and want to run away

Your finger pointing and mannerisms make me sick

Your words make me want to slap you just to shut you up

The damage you could do is real, unintentional as it may be

Interview style Meme thingy

2007-04-15T13:31:00.000+10:00

Well it's doing the rounds so I thought I'd jump on the bandwagon and asked Phil to supply me with some questions.

1. There is a great deal about you that's hidden from the rest of us in blog land. Why is that?

Well it's certainly not by design that I keep anything "hidden". For the most part I'm a very open person and almost nothing is off limits. I guess it just comes down to the way I write and the reasons I write. When I first started blogging it was purely an outlet for my frustration (hence the kinda morose name) and since it was for my benefit only there seemed no need to go into detail. My "torment" style of writing is totally emotion based and I was surprised when other people related to it at all. I've just continued to write for my own benefit and needs while enjoying the interaction from others.

2. With the first question in mind, what would all of us in blog world be most surprised to know about you?

Hmmm I've really had to think about this, I honestly have no clue what you'd be surprised to know. Maybe that I'm not as down and out as my blog sometimes seems. Most of my blogs are fleeting thoughts which pretty much go when I write. Or maybe you'd be surprised that I'm a bit of a tough Mum (apparently). Little Boy is my everything and I want to do the best I can by him, but in doing so I have been called a "mean Mum" by others, mostly my sisters.

3. The little boy is growing up and soon won't be so little. In what ways do you see him taking after you and in what ways can you see him taking after his father?

I don't notice too many ways he takes after me, I'm sure they're there I just don't see them. The only thing I can think of that he gets from me, or at least my family, is the whole thinking in numbers thing, where everything comes back to maths. On the other hand I see a hell of a lot of his father in him. The biggest one would have to be his temper, he sometimes has a very short fuse and flies off the handle totally out of proportion to the situation. His mannerism's also mirror his father's quite a bit, certain looks and ways he holds himself in different surrounds. While I don't often see myself in his mannerism's I do often see my father.

Then if you talk about interests and such I see both his father's and my own influences. He really had no chance when it came to a Motorsport fascination, mind you he has taken that ball and run laps around us. He's also very curious when it comes to nature and more so wildlife, I just hope that appreciation lasts as he grows up. He can be pretty vocal too, which is a bonus in my family since it can be a struggle to get a word in if you have to wait for a pause...

4. So when are you going to get yourself a man?

LOL who knows. It's taken me most of my life to come to the realisation that I don't NEED a man, so I'm in no rush. If you'd asked me 3,5 or even 10 years ago if I could even live without sex I'd have been terrified by the mere thought of it (and probably gone out and had a fuck just to get over the shock). Between 16-26 I was in and out of relationships, good and bad ones, and had never known what it was like to be on my own. I was of the belief that I had to have that someone beside me to make me feel right, well guess what... I don't. Now I'm going about my life the best way I can, for both myself and Little Boy, I don't feel like I'm missing something or need something from someone else to make it all okay. Which is not to say if I met someone interesting that I wouldn't pursue it...

5. Given your choice, who would you want to have a conversation with? Past or present, living or dead, anyone. And what would you talk about?

There's 2 people that come to mind straight away but neither very fun or exciting as far as answers go. The first would be my paternal Grandfather. The second would be a man I met briefly over 10yrs ago, I don't know his name. The conversations would be similar for both. It would be about what drove their actions, how they felt about themselves and the world around them. For my Grandfather, why his treatment of two children was so different to his other three kids.

Then just to lighten my mood after those conversations I'd like to sit down with Johnny Depp. The conversation could be about anything, I'm sure his thoughts on many subjects would be interesting to hear but I'd be quite happy just to sit and stare too.

So there you have it.

If anyone else has questions for me I'm happy to answer them or if anyone wants 5 questions from me just let me know.

Slade's Dirty Thirty

2007-04-08T22:33:00.000+10:00

The Dirty Thirty(ish)

1) Favorite TV Show: Heroes at the moment

2) Favorite Type Of Music: ummm early 90's this week

3) What song are you listening to right now: none, TV is on so I'm listening to the revving of F1 engines, pretty much music to my ears anyway.

4) Favorite sexiest song: Hmm have to agree with Phil, you can't beat Marvin Gaye

5) Relationship status: Single

6) Best sex you ever had and with who: you know it's a shame that every boyfriend I've had gets beaten by one very good friend with great benefits.

7) Best date you ever been on: There's a few that are up there, the commonality being they were all very relaxed and ended after many hours of comfortable conversation.

8) Strangest place you ever had sex: This one depends on what you consider strange AND just what constitutes sex. There have been times where thngs have started before making it to more "normal" places. Others have begun and finished in outdoor/public'ish places but I don't consider them strange.

9) Best club you ever went to: No clear winner here maybe because I'm not so much of a club person, in recent years it's the gay clubs which I tend to enjoy most.

10) All time best night out you ever had: Started with a few drinks, then a great concert, more drinks and finished off with great sex (strange or not).

11) All time vacation spot: hmmm somewhere quiet, back to basics kinda stuff with fresh water to swim in. I don't care where.

12) Favorite book: umm today I'll say Misery - Stephen King

13) Favorite movie: another one that changes all the time so today I'll say Footloose (yeah very sad I know hehe)

14) Best romantic event that ever happened to you: since I've had to think bout this one for a little while now I'd have to say I've not been with any real romantics, there's been a couple of times I've been surprised by sweet gestures but nothing mind blowing.

15) Worst thing you ever did and NOT get caught: sheesh I'm boring, only thing i can think of is stealing as a teenager

16) Describe your best fantasy: I prefer to stay in the real world, most of the time...

17) Your luckiest moment: Christmas '03 when Little Boy got through a burst appendix.

18) To whom do you owe your life to: Little Boy, he has at times been my only reason for getting out of bed in the morning.

19) Who owes you their life: uhh no one I know of, I gave birth to one life but he doesn't "owe" me.

20) Best song to drive to late at night: I don't drive so meh

21) Favorite party song: one of many 70's-80's songs that are really bad until you have enough drinks in you (occasionally the drinks aren't necessary) when they suddenly become classics and worthy of singing at the top of your voice while dancing around.

(Okay so there is no 23, but there's two 28's and 29's so you get one extra and I'll leave the numbers as is anyway)

22) Best sex fantasy: Female

24) Song out right now that annoys the hell outta you: the one that comes from Ugly Betty (I think) ...*google pause*... "Suddenly I see" by KT Tunstall it annoys the fucking shit out of me!

25) Best one night stand: I had a few one nighters but none all that magnificent, ok maybe one was a little better than the rest but only 'cos he went all night, knew what he was doing (probably helped that we were sober) and had a really nice uhh body. Yeah ok he was much better than the others.

26) Greatest time in your life: 17-19 I'd left school, was working and making my own money which naturally meant party and then that time includes my pregnancy. I absolutely loved being pregnant.

27) Fantasy dream place to live: I can't imagine ever wanting to live outside of Aus and/or Sydney, so probably just a hell of a lot nicer house.

28) Fortune or fame: fortune

29) Looks or Intelligence: intelligence

28) Name three bloggers who you know you can depend on no matter what: Phil, Tom (but I'm not so sure he really counts), hmmmmm

29) Name three bloggers who's blogs are must reads: Bitzky, Ben, Squilla

30) Name three to six bloggers you would go partying with: I have a thing for guys with accents so probably the Moomin, FH and Phil for that entertainment factor and Dani, Squilla and Ben for a girls night.

Hope you all had a good Easter :-)

It's getting hot in here...

2007-03-27T12:19:00.000+10:00

For most of my life I've been considered a "greeny" by a majority of my family and some friends. I've never thought of myself as such, even apart from the fact that in my experience "greeny" has become a dirty word over the last decade or so. I have always been aware of our environment, I've certainly always found the beauty in it and made some effort to do my part in protecting it.

From the age of about 9 I was the water police in our household, turning off dripping taps and berating the last known user for not being more careful. Turning the water off in the bathroom while whoever happened to be in there was brushing their teeth. It was also about this age when recycling became important to me. It didn't make sense to me NOT to recycle. Although from memory it took a few more years to get councils of the same thinking and I wasn't driven enough to make any attempts in changing that. Then of course I would also walk around the house switching off unnecessary lights, never quietly I always had to make it known that someone was wasting electricity by leaving it on for no reason.

None of this seemed extreme or unreasonable to me. If anything it was mere logic to minimise our impact on our planet, even if only a little in just our one household. We were being told, even then, about global warming and it simply made sense to me. It still does.

It amazes me that even today people are still debating whether global warming, climate change or whatever you want to call it, is even happening. It scares me that some politicians, notably our own PM, are yet to even acknowledge it as a real issue. Sceptics like to use the whole "it's a normal cycle" argument. That we have come so far as a civilisation in the last 100-150yrs, speaking technologically and population wise, it only follows (at least to me) that our impact on this planet would be greatly increased. Obviously, so has our knowledge of what kind of effect that has, and could have, on the planet and us as a whole.

I'm not trying to make some mind blowing point with this post. I simply felt a desire to share where my thinking lies on this particular issue after reading this opinion piece today (and some of the resulting comments). For those not wanting to click, it talks about the hypocrisy behind the actions of "candle-burning, compost-loving, carbon-eschewing contemporaries" and one Colin Beavan in particular. I also went over to Colin Beavan's website and blog and had a short look around. Again for those not wanting to click, he lives in a Manhattan apartment and has decided to spend a year living as "impact" free as possible. Which measn no cars, trains, planes, no shopping, only local foods etc etc. While I don't believe for a second that Colin has altruistic motives behind his "No Impact Man" changes and experimenting, I do give him credit for trying something. There may well be a lot of faults and hypocrisies in how he is going about things but he is among the first to admit that, from what I saw. He has gone from one extreme to another and invited the media along for the ride with the hopes of big financial gain at the end, but in the process he is finding his own balance of living well with as little impact on the planet as possible.

The original opinion piece also mentions Al Gore; "That said, I would be broke within a week if my household's energy consumption bill was anywhere near yours, which, at nearly 221,000kW/h last year, was 20 times greater than the average American family's.

Ever the politician, you refused to take the challenge to get that figure down to something approaching normal, ...."

While I'm not going to speculate on Al Gore's electricity bill (I'm actually pretty sure he'd have, at least in part, green power and buy offsets anyway) I will comment on An Inconvenient Truth. I only bought and watched this movie a few weeks ago and I will freely admit that before that I knew very little about Gore. Of course I knew he'd run for President and lost to Bush in 2000 and at the time I thought he would be the better man for the job, but that was just an uneducated instinct on my part. I watched the movie as a so-called believer and it still scared the hell out of me. The biggest thing I came away thinking about though, was just how different this world would be if that election in 2000 had gone the other way. I've since made Little Boy watch it and while most of it went over his head he did watch the projected images of where could go under water if Greenland was to melt and as he watched Shanghai go under he uttered in horror "but then there'd be no Shanghai race track!"

I've prattled on at length in this post with very little point so I'll wrap it up now. I guess my only point is that so many continue to believe that one person's changes will make no difference when it comes to global warming/climate change. I on the other hand choose to believe that if I make the changes I can and so do others then eventually politicians and those in positions of power will have no choice but to begin to make the changes that are really needed to make the big differences. So what am I doing? I'm in the process of switching to 100% green power through my energy supplier. I've already changed my light bulbs to the energy savers. I don't drive and although environmental reasons were not why I've not got a license and car before, they are a big part of the reason I will not now. I continue to recycle and conserve water. I feel like I'm doing my little bit to make a difference and I hope that it doesn't take too long for the big changes to come into play. If that makes me a greeny then I'm okay with that...

Vrrrooooomm

2007-03-18T20:46:00.000+11:00

So it's the end of the weekend and Sunday night is as good a time as any for a new (overdue) blog entry I guess. It just happens to be the first round of the new Formula 1 season which has me in the blogging mood.

(scroll down if you're bored already, I'll let you)

So much to talk about, albeit rhetorically in this form (especially since not many of you have all that much interest in the subject). Since the first round happens in Australia our TV coverage is a hell of a lot better than any other round, some would perhaps call it excessive, and with 18hrs (between Friday and Sunday) of coverage they may have a point. From my point of view it's all good. I enjoy the background stories on the rookies, the Friday practice sessions are even good now that the rules have changed and engines can be changed for those sessions. The qualifying on Saturday was great and even the support races get their place on the TV screens. Then of course comes the race...

We had 58laps of Albert Park run with NO safety car periods, that in itself is an accomplishment. While Michael may have retired we did still have the red car out front, this time driven by Kimi, and no one else coming close but I can live with that for now. Webber qualified surprisingly well in his new Red Bull drive but was yet again let down by his car, although he did manage to finish the race which is a step up from most of last years starts. The driver who most impressed me though was Hamilton, the 22yr old British rookie driving alongside Alonso in a McLaren. Not only did he qualify well, 4th on the grid, he managed to make the most of an ordinary start and pull himself into 2nd place in the first lap. He finished 3rd in the race after Alonso got past him as a result of the second pit stop. All of this in his debut F1 race is pretty bloody impressive no matter which way you look at it.

Not only was Hamilton good on track but he has a personality which can only be good for the sport, he doesn't mumble along in a monotone showing no emotion, he's determined and humble and just as a bonus he's kinda cute too. Stirling Moss even said that he(Hamilton) was the best thing to happen to F1 in the entire time he's been involved with the sport (50+yrs) a very big call. The moment of the race though, has to go to the coming together of DC and Wurz in turn three. After replays from various angles it was almost sickening to see how close DC's car got to Wurz's head, but they both walked away and DC even managed an apology and accepted total responsibilty for the incident.

Just before I finish on this topic, the most interesting bit of news to come out of the paddock over the weekend (at least in my view) came from Bernie Ecclestone. Bernie has said that as soon as next year we could have the Aus. GP occur under lights. He's very keen for a night race to happen "down under", here and in other southern rounds for a few reasons. The biggest of which is so that it's easier to watch from "the rest of the world". With TV audiences of around 300mill I guess I can understand him wanting the races to be held when the most people are actually awake. I just wonder if it goes both ways, perhaps one of the european races can be under lights too so that I don't have to stay up til 3am just to get my F1 fix.

Okay so that's it for the F1 from me today, don't worry AFL season starts soon and the V8 season is under way too, so it won't be all F1 for me to talk about!

On a completely different note, and one that you may actually have something to say on, what do you think of how it looks over here??? Took me a little while to work out how to play around but I got there and I think I like this look... I just don't know for how long...

I've caught up on all of your blogs, I know I've been quiet in my catching up but I'm sure I'll have more to say again soon.

Oh and last of all I just want to plug my new favourite read for a laugh! I would not recommended for children, men who're easily offended or anyone squeamish when it comes to male anatomy, everyone else have a look at Desperately Seeking...Something? but be warned (again) it does have some pics which may offend, occasionally turn your stomach or that are just WRONG. On the other hand it's fucking funny!

Keep Smiling folks ;-)

This and That

2007-01-24T13:39:00.000+11:00

Well being home has brought with it mixed emotions. On the one hand I'm glad to be back in my own domain with an indoor dunny that flushes, computer and net connection when I want it, my own CD collection and more than two channels on the TV. On the other hand I now have no river to jump in when it gets too hot, not nearly as many stars to look up at of a night, a shitload of domestic duties I can't bribe a younger sister to do and all the shopping that a new school year entails.

I left Dad's place with him happy in the knowledge that at least now ALL of his daughters can chop wood (no that's not how I broke my toe). Little Boy (who is growing tired, and out of, that title) has lost several of the fears he had on previous visits, but now I have the fear of the "postie bike" which will await his future visits. I'm more than a little grateful to have such a beautiful place to retreat to every now and then. Just take another look at that sunset...

Back to Life, Back to Reality

2007-01-23T13:38:00.000+11:00

We've reluctantly returned to the "real world" today

A slap in the face with the heat and now no river

Another slap in the face with the mountain of bills

A shitload to do before Little Boy returns to school

More to do before Little Boy's b'day in about 2weeks

Final slap with more than likely a move on the cards soon

The holiday is definitely over....

Another Quickie

2007-01-16T13:37:00.000+11:00

Well it feels like I've been away a week but it's only been a coupla days with still a week to go, maybe. I spent a couple of nights with sis and sussed out how she's going in her new house, interesting. Now I'm "up river" with fuck all to do and it's great. Little boy has been having fun, but now has no kids to help keep him occupied. We do have the river to keep us both happy and the weather has cooperated on that front. I managed to break a toe (I think) yesterday so I'm now limping around, cringing and complaining a bit. I think that's it in a nutshell. I'll catch up on all your blogs when I get home, hope all is well in everyone's little worlds. Keep Smiling! ;-)

Quickie

2007-01-12T13:36:00.000+11:00

I was in quite the blogging mood last night, but site was down which meant I instead annoyed Phil for a while with my incessant babbling. Today I'm running around like a headless chook trying to get everything done so I can get out of here just after lunch. So instead of a slightly humourous entry including tales of my looking like a fool on more than one occasion in the last few days, you get this very quick goodbye. I'm away for another week or so, this time we're heading south to visit the rest of my family.

Keep Smiling folks! ;-)

Older and Wiser?

2007-01-06T13:35:00.000+11:00

Another year gone by with the end of a day

While spent pleasantly it seems a little insignificant

Perhaps I seem a little insignificant at the moment

Feeling stuck in between, of I don't know what

Enjoying the times kept busy, dreading time to think

Circling the emptiness of my own thoughts, clouded

But still many reasons to keep smiling...

Update in a Nutshell

2006-12-31T13:34:00.000+11:00

Well the Christmas season is apparently over for another year. I travelled up the coast last week to give Mum and her sister a hand with the preparations. For two days we shopped, cooked and laughed the time away. The following two days were spent eating, drinking and a little more laughing. We had enough food to feed several small countries (or at least almost 30 of us) for both xmas lunch and dinner: turkey, ham, pork, chicken, roast veggies, several salads. Followed by pavlova, fruit mince pies, tiramisu, frozen christmas dessert and banoffi pie for dessert. If we weren't eating we were preparing the next meal.

Best friend, his g/f and their boy Jett (almost as beautiful as my Little Boy but with a little more fur) made it up for a few days and met most of my family for the first time. He's still talking to me so it can't have been too traumatic for them all. Jett provided endless hours of entertainment playing with my Aunty's girls (also rather furry) and best friend played the hero by putting out a fire.

Little Boy joined us for Christmas day and enjoyed being completely spoilt by Santa and the family. He had to head back to his Dad and their camping trip the next morning. I'll be spending New Year without him again, before he comes home later in the week.

I made it home yesterday and had my last xmas dinner for the year at my brother's place, where Little Miss had the good fortune of being on the receiving end of the spoils this time. Another enjoyable night with a little too much to drink but all in all I'm so glad it's all over.

Now as another year comes to an end I'm left wondering if I'm being all I can be and doing all I can do. We take many things for granted but this past week has reaffirmed for me that family and friends should never be among those things.

Perhaps the dawn of a new year will bring with it some insight. Catch you all in 2007. Keep Smiling!

Is it over yet?

2006-12-29T13:33:00.000+11:00

I made it home

A rather enjoyable xmas break

Tired now, need sleep

Will update tomorrow

Some-bloody*-thing

2006-12-21T13:31:00.000+11:00

So I've been a little on the quiet side. I've been lurking around and keeping up with all of you though!

I found a little Christmas cheer these last couple of weeks and have managed to get all of my shopping done, saving me the much feared and loathed trip of christmas eve shopping. Little Boy has just left with his Dad, leaving me alone for the night with plenty to do in order to be ready to leave tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll be heading north with Mum and helping her get things ready for the ever growing family christmas gathering. This will be the first year in many that we'll be spending the festive season with my Aunty and cousins, never short of a drama, it should be an interesting few days. So far there's only one thing on my list of "I know nothing" dramas which may or may not be a point of contention.

As this is most likely the last christmas mum will be around, at least for now, I'm hoping it goes smoothly enough. I just re-read that line, my mother is not dying or at least no quicker than any of us who each day become one day closer to death, she's just setting off travelling in the new year and will be gone for as many years as it takes. She's living her dream which was put off for all these years for the sake of us kids, and then the grandkids. Okay I've gone off on a tangent there and completely forgotten the point I was going to make.

Anyway, I haven't left many comments around here lately, but I hope you know that I'm thinking of you all. Hopefully words will become my friend again sometime soon and I'll be able to stop babbling and actually put some coherent (I'm not that fussy they only have to be coherent to me) sentences and thoughts together again. In the meantime...

I just wanted to wish you all a very enjoyable Christmas.
I hope that you spend the time with those you love,
doing whatever it is that makes you happy.

[SIZE="3"][COLOR="SandyBrown"]A little something from me to you![/COLOR][/SIZE]

* That was just for you FH hehe

Overdue Purge

2006-12-06T13:30:00.000+11:00

Okay I'm starting the clock and seeing what comes out in the next 30min.

I've been trying to blog for a few days but just haven't managed to get even a line on the screen so I figure this is the way to go. I've been a little on the down side I guess you could say. Well actually not really down as such, just kinda blah.

I haven't even begun to get organised for Christmas yet. I'm not feeling the festive mood yet and it all just seems like a lot of work. Little Boy wants to get the tree up this week and I keep wondering if it's even worthwhile since we won't even be here for christmas and he will only be home one weekend in the meantime, but we'll do it anyway. I am looking forward to getting away for the week around Christmas and hopefully bestie coming away too and getting to spend some time with him and his girlfriend.

The recent contact from a friend I thought had gone forever took me by surprise, to say the least. I've been through a roller coaster of emotions from just a few simple emails, from sheer joy in hearing from them to sadness for their situation and anger for all the unanswered questions I have. I'm not the most patient of people and so the waits in between contact annoy the hell out of me. It would be so much easier for me if I could just get a few things sorted right now, no more what if's or wondering. It annoys the hell out of me that the situation is consuming so much of my thoughts too, yet I can't help it.

I'm not generally a very forgiving person I don't think. It takes a lot to really get to me or to lose my trust and friendship but once it's gone it is usually gone for good. I don't see the point in wasting time on people who have hurt me before or who are entirely selfish. But there are always exceptions. There are some people who could (and have) caused a hell of a lot of pain and yet I'll still be here for them. I can't even really explain what makes them different to other people other than the connection I have with them. There is a problem with this though, in that it isn't exactly easy to regain that friendship after being burnt. I'm working on it and doing the only thing I can, being honest, but I'm worried it won't be enough and I'll only end up hurt again. Meh!

It's only been 17min but I don't want to keep going down the track that my mind apparently does. Apologies for this rather bland and boring entry folks but it's not in me to delete it.

A Rant in History

2006-11-27T13:26:00.001+11:00

So this is the headline that caught my eye today, Premier, MPs fail test of history. The story stems from the findings of a recent report.

"A report commissioned by Australia's education ministers has found most high school and primary school students lack understanding and basic knowledge of Australia's history and constitutional structure."

Well it seems this isn't too hard to believe when even (some of?) those who ordered the report struggled to answer even a basic question on our history correctly. From my own experience I know that during my school years Australian History did not feature all that prominently. Even in my high school years, when I studied Modern History as an elective subject, Aus. History was one of two topics we could as a class choose to study and as the final decision came down to the teacher it was not what we were taught as he decided it was "too boring". Mind you the version of historical facts taught in those days was not completely accurate (we were still under the teachings that Cook was the first European to discover our land) and lacked severely when it came to history of our colonisation, or as some would say, the invasion of this country. From my understanding we have moved a couple of steps forward in that regard, not nearly enough though in my opinion.

Anyway on reading this story I decided to give Drew a mini pop quiz and see just how much he was picking up on our country's history and political workings, keeping in mind that the children used in the aforementioned report have a couple of years on him.

Do you know why we celebrate Australia Day and what happened on that day?

To tell how long we've lived here. That's when Arthur Phillip came to Australia with the First Fleet. They came here with all the convicts to make a nice settlement here.

Who is our Head of State?

Oh I know, The Queen, Elizabeth.

Who is our Prime Minister?

Now? John Howard. The first Prime Minister I'd have no idea.

Who is our, NSW, Premier?

Kim Beazley, oh no it's Morris Iemma

Why do we celebrate ANZAC Day and when is it?

I can't remember what day it is but I know why. I think it's 26th of April (me - nope it's the 25th, so why do we celebrate it?) we celebrate it like for remembering all the people who died at war. (Me - do you know what happened on that day a long time ago?) uhh no, tell me please. (I gave a brief description of the Anzac’s landing near Gallipoli) That sounds very sad Mum.

Who is our Governor General?

Uhh Governor? for what I don't understand. (me - that's okay I can't remember his name at the moment either)

For an eight year old I don't think he did too badly. The thing about all of that is that I know it has been me to teach him most of it, of course the school has taught a little but that's mostly reinforced what he already knew. I remember sitting down at Circular Quay with Drew when he was just 3-4yrs old. We sat there for a few hours with him asking me the names of all the ferries and boats coming in and out of the harbour, he was anxiously waiting for the ferry with his name on it (yes there is one with one of his names). On seeing a Captain Cook cruise boat he asked who Capt. Cook was and received his first history lesson. My mother was delighted when she called, while we were still sat there, and spoke to him on the mobile asking who "discovered" Australia, where the First Fleet sailed in and settled and in what year. Drew was in awe that boats had sailed into this harbour all those years ago and that there were no buildings.

Quite a while later, when Drew had started school, I picked him up from kindergarten one day and remember the following conversation:

Me: Did you have a good day?

Drew: Yes, I got a question right.

Me: Oh that's very good, what was the question about?

Drew: The teacher asked us who Captain Cook was and I was the only one who got it right.

He was so proud of himself, and the subsequent merit award he received for those particular efforts.

He has also risen in the very early hours of the morning of April 25, and travelled into the City with my mother for the dawn service. Obviously in doing this it raised a lot of questions in his mind as to just why he was doing it. They were questions he had answered.

I guess what I'm trying to say, in a very long winded way, is that a child does not receive their entire education within the school grounds and nor should they. Of course I believe they should be taught our history, an accurate one at that, while they are at school (along with a lot of other things which aren't always done to our liking) and they should be taught how our government works and how it was put into place. But we as parents should have all of this information too and be able to share it (not to mention in order to make informed voting decisions etc). Children are naturally inquisitive and if they are given real answers to the questions they ask it will inspire more questions. In my opinion, part of our job as parents is to keep that inquisitive nature alive and well fed. Many times I've been caught off guard and Drew has asked a question that I simply have no clue of the answer, so if it is at all possible I find it for him. Too many people it seems avoid real conversations with their kids, which to me, makes them just as responsible as the schools, if not more so, for their kids ignorance.

In Motion

2006-11-27T13:26:00.000+11:00

I think I need to "purge" my thoughts

But I don't think now is the right time

I'm a little worried what would come out

Much has been on my mind these last few days

With only a little to go on, I worry about you

I'd finally trained myself not to wonder so much

I'd settled on hoping for the best for you

I'd tried to let the anger, hurt and resentment go

I'm no longer angry although it does still hurt

Mostly I'm sad that I wasn't allowed to be there

Now I just wait and hope for some of what was before

Clearing Head

2006-11-24T13:25:00.000+11:00

Knocked a little off balance

I write for a reason, for me

But each "you" is someone

Few of them read these words

Today the right one read the right words

I'm a little shaken yet extremely grateful

36

2006-11-22T13:24:00.000+11:00

I hope today someone made you feel special

I hope you feel that every other day too

With everything you are; you are unique

You deserve the best in life and all that you do

Your hopes, your dreams, your desires

Live them and be all that you can be

Six word story

2006-11-16T12:09:00.000+11:00

Must have.
Lost.
Rise above.
Live.

Vent (excuse the language)

2006-11-14T12:08:00.000+11:00

I fucking hate having to think about this

It shits me big time that I'm the one doing it

It's not like you're fucking stupid, or have an excuse

It's not even just one of you right now, there's two

Neither of you even appreciate anything I've done

It's taken for granted that I'll sit back and take it

Is it so fucking hard to act appropriately

Even if you were just a little grateful I'd not be so pissed

Okay I feel a little better now...

It still pisses me off though!

Fleeting Feeling

2006-11-13T12:07:00.000+11:00

There are times when I just think too much

Too much about what I should be doing

Too much about how I should be feeling

Too much about where I should be heading

All this simply takes me back to where I've already been

To what I've already done and what I've already felt

Leaving me with only what I am, what I do and how I feel

It doesn't feel like enough to be me, here now

The lights have all gone dim on the path I followed

I'm left in the dark again not knowing which way, or even if I turn

Back at it

2006-11-07T12:05:00.000+11:00

Playing catch up now

Getting stuck here and there

Being told to hurry up

Brief procrastination

Reminding myself why

NaNo NoNo

2006-11-02T12:04:00.000+11:00

Okay so my NaNo attempt has got off to an extremely slow start. It didn't help that I had no idea what I was going to be writing about until the hour was upon me to start writing. My biggest problem was Rose and her story (which is much bigger than the draft I'm putting here it seems). I was so stuck on her and where I know she's going, there was little room for a new idea.

Now at least I have a vague idea of where my story begins and where it will head, it's just a matter of getting it down. So far, life has got in the way of that part quite a bit. As a result I'm barely off the mark. Having said that, I'm still excited to see if I can do this, even though I'm expecting the story to be rather crappy.

My first week is going to be an absolute shocker, but I plan on making it up after that and I'm definitely not giving up! So many times I start things and fail to finish them for various reasons, the biggest of which is the fear of failure itself. I think I'm doing this simply to prove to myself that I can!

Apologies in advance if most of my posts this month revolve around NaNo, but I'm determined to focus.

Keep Smiling folks! :-)

Why

2006-10-31T12:04:00.000+11:00

It's just after midnight

A new day and a new month

What the hell was I thinking

I doubt I can even get close

I'd get nowhere if I didn't try

So I'm giving it a shot, I'm insane!

Let it begin....

Good Luck to any other poor souls!

Nudge

2006-10-30T12:02:00.000+11:00

Just wanted to move other post down a little.
Made a few changes around here, what do you think?

Flashback

2006-10-28T12:02:00.000+10:00

I haven't listened to this CD in such a long time

Because I simply can't help but think of you when I do

It reminds me of that night, we both enjoyed so much

It reminds me how safe I felt, how comfortable I felt

It reminds me of our love, our friendship, of our closeness

I sit here now with fresh tears flowing...

It reminds me that it is all gone...

Off on a rant

2006-10-26T11:58:00.000+10:00

It's been a long time since I've had a rant about anything in blog form. It's not that nothing has fired me up but I just figure there are plenty of other people who rant so much better.

In the last few days I've read three separate stories which have got under my skin.

For those not wanting to click away, the first is from Poland where a 14yr old girl hung herself with a skipping rope after being stripped by several boys in front of her class and having them simulate raping her. All of which was filmed on someone's mobile phone.

The second story is from here in Aus., and is about a DVD which was being sold in several Victorian schools. The DVD was made by and featured up to a dozen boys (16-17yr olds) who, amongst other things, filmed their sexual assault on a developmentally delayed 17yr old girl.

The third story has hit the headlines here today and features quotes from a Sheik. apparently from an address he gave last month during a Ramadan sermon. One of the quotes:

"If you take out uncovered meat and place it outside on the street, or in the garden or in the park, or in the backyard without a cover, and the cats come and eat it ... whose fault is it, the cats or the uncovered meat?"

The Sheik is comparing the "uncovered meat" to women. There is some debate over the context of these lines and others. The initial headlines were referring to rape, others are saying he was merely talking about sex outside of a marriage. (If you ask me, the context is almost irrelevant as his whole view of women is pretty fucked up.)

Okay, so there we have the three stories. So many things disturb me about all of these stories. It saddens me that these are just three stories and yet I know there are countless others from here and around the world. Sexual assaults happen far too regularly in this world. I'm wondering what we are doing about it.

I look at these stories as a woman who has been raped and also as a mother raising a son. We have children failing to be taught respect for women, or just all people. Our children are failing to be taught anything about sex and what it means. What are we teaching our children for them to think that this behaviour is acceptable? In the case of the boys who made the DVD, there were some parents who were aware of it's existence, and it's content, and they did nothing about it (at least until the media got a hold of the story and ran with it) because they put it down to nothing more than a bit of a joke. Then we have a Sheik speaking to the muslim community in this country and basically giving men an excuse, because the women are just a piece of meat offering themselves to the animals. Is it any wonder we've had several high profile rape, and gang rape cases against young muslim men who have then tried to use their culture as a defense. At this point it doesn't seem to matter what religion or race you are, the values of sex and women* are simply not being learnt.

My son is not yet of an age where I have to worry about sex but when he is, will all that I teach him be enough? With so many conflicting messages from society and the community will he be able to decide on the right messages? Children are commiting these sexual crimes and thinking nothing of it. Other children are standing by and watching these crimes, saying nothing and that is not okay either. Yet more still are watching the films of these crimes online or buying a $5 DVD in the schoolyard and thinking that they're not as bad, they're only watching afterall. Parents are finding out and sitting back, doing nothing. By doing nothing we are saying that it is okay, that it's no big deal and it doesn't matter.

I for one think it does matter. It is not okay to sit back quietly and think, that simply because it is not your son committing the crime, that it is just a bit of a joke. I can tell you that being raped is never a joke. I can also tell you that it hurts just as much when other people dismiss it as "nothing".

I hope that I can teach my son all the values that need to go with sex and respect for women and that other parents start taking responsibility for what their own children are taught too.

*before anyone mentions the reverse, assaults on men, I'm not dismissing them entirely I'm just not in the position to comment with limited knowledge.

A Chance to Test

2006-10-25T11:57:00.000+10:00

Some have told me I've built walls

That I'd not allow anyone new in

I didn't agree but began to question

A chance meeting put it to the test

There is no hesitation in sharing

I was open to all possibilities

But some have been ruled out

Not through fear or unwillingness

They're simply not options in this case

It is good to know several things

I'm not as cold as some would believe

I'm willing, open when it comes down to it

My choices continue to feel right

Fiction Draft ~ Just One Night - Parts 3/4

2006-10-24T11:54:00.000+10:00

Part 1
Part 2

8:40pm, Friday

In the safety of the bus Rose began to calm. She stood beside the driver as he drove past the McDonalds and continued down the road. As she felt the shaking subside she realised she was still to pay for a ticket and reached into her bag to retrieve her purse. Thankfully the driver had not yet spoken to her, she wasn’t sure speech was an ability she could master just at this moment. Concentrating on her breathing she counted out the change she needed and took the seat directly behind the driver.

Now that Rose had managed to calm her nerves she looked up into the rearview mirror at the drivers face. He was quite young and, Rose thought, quite handsome. His dark hair was neatly cut, short back and sides, and he only had a slight hint of a five-o’clock shadow. What caught Rose’s attention, however, were his eyes. His eyes were a shade of blue she couldn’t quite name, so clear and bright, so calm and so alive. It felt, to her, like looking into the eyes of a thousand souls who’d each lived for a thousand years, and this was just in the mirror.

It was a few moments before Rose realised the bus was not moving and the lips of the driver were. Mesmerised by his eyes, she’d been staring and now blushed at having been caught.

“Are you ok?” he asked, probably not for the first time.

“Oh …. Umm yes I think so, my nerves are just a little on edge” Rose replied quietly.

She stood up and again moved beside the driver intending to pay her fare and inform him she was going all the way to the train station. This was the first time Rose had actually looked the driver directly in the face, and those eyes.

Out of nowhere she began to hear voices, lots of them all talking at once, no one voice discernible from another, too many to count. To say she heard them wouldn’t exactly be right, it was not sound that traveled through the air to her ears. The voices were all speaking but there was no noise. They were all speaking loudly and constantly as she looked into the driver’s eyes. Putting a hand to the side of her head in a vain attempt to block the noise, it was persistent and overwhelming, she thought that this must be how it feels to lose your mind. No words were reaching her from all of these voices, but plenty of emotion was. These people, hundreds of them at least, were angry, hurt and in pain, immeasurable pain and sadness. Each of these feelings enveloped Rose and they became real feelings to her. An intolerable pain grew from her head and spread throughout her entire body within a moment of her hearing the voices. She tried to grab hold of the back of a seat to steady herself as the pain overcame her. She lowered her eyes.

Concern was etched into the young drivers face everywhere but his eyes. His eyes never changed, they remained clear and bright. He stepped out of his seat in time to catch Rose by her arm as she struggled to remain standing. He steadied her and helped her return to the seat behind him. Without saying another word to her he slipped back into the driving seat and continued on his route. The voices that had been thundering in her head only a moment ago were now fading to a whisper.

9.15pm, Friday

Pulling in to the bus terminal alongside the train station Brad glanced into the mirror, the young woman remained in the seat behind him, still his sole passenger. She had not spoken a single word to him since he’d helped her sit back down. He desperately wanted to ask her about what she had felt during the little episode only minutes ago. Instead he opened the doors, turned in his seat and waited as she stood and moved to get off. She paused for a moment on the top step but without even a glance at him she continued down them. He watched as she walked in front of the bus and away from the station, crossing the road and heading towards the pub on the corner. Brad lit a cigarette and continued to watch as she approached the pub.

Having reached the pub in only a few minutes the young woman stood outside, she looked like she was waiting for someone. Just as Brad was about to let his curiosity die, a man walked up and embraced the young woman. Brad watched as the woman kissed the newcomer on the cheek, surprised at feeling some relief that this man didn’t appear to be a boyfriend. He watched as the two walked into the pub and out of his sight.

Finishing his cigarette Brad again moved into the drivers seat. He was relieved his workday was over, he only had to park the bus and then he was free for the weekend. Now he had plans for the night ahead. He knew he had to talk to that woman. The depot was only a short drive down the road, past the pub she had entered. He glanced in the pub window as he passed, hoping to get a glimpse of her again but she wasn’t in the front bar.

Having parked the bus and locked it up for the night, Brad began walking back towards the pub. Thinking to himself, as he walked, of the best approach to talk to this woman. He closed his eyes for a moment, letting the memory of feeling sheer joy and happiness overwhelm him, as it had when he looked into her eyes for those brief seconds. Brad had never felt such happiness before, so content in that moment. He remembered hearing babies giggling and children laughing, wondering where the sound was coming from. For that moment he felt energised beyond anything he’d felt before. He longed to experience that feeling again. He wondered why the woman had almost collapsed, shaking, what had she felt in that moment?

He stood on the footpath outside the pub, looking inside at the dimly lit front bar. Hesitating to walk inside to look for this woman he knew nothing about, this woman he just had to speak to. Seconds turned into minutes, as he stood there, now unsure that he hadn’t imagined the feelings and sounds he’d heard back on the bus. A young boy laughed and Brad turned around, not really expecting to see the child, he didn’t. He took a deep breath and walked inside.

© 2005

You

2006-10-23T11:53:00.000+10:00

There are some of you I feel I've neglected

There is no reason or excuse for this

I've been a little off, a little unfocused

I have been thinking of you often

Just felt the need to say that

Will blog properly later many thoughts, no sequence yet :-)

Fiction Draft ~ Just One Night - Part 2

2006-10-20T11:52:00.000+10:00

Read Part 1 first.

8:30pm, Friday

Brad turned the bus’ lights off and opened the door thankful that he was early and could have a cigarette. He’d parked the bus at the first stop on his next, and final, route of the night. He maneuvered himself out of the driving seat and stood on the bottom step as he lit his smoke. Looking up the street, he saw his first four stops, he could see as far as the McDonalds sign before the road curved to the right. The only waiting passenger was at the shelter just before the shopping centre, definitely female from that profile, he smiled as he thought.

Brad closed his eyes as he took another drag on his smoke, at thirty-five it was his only remaining really bad habit and he enjoyed every second of every cigarette. He reasoned that his time in the gym and working long shifts allowed him this one vice. He checked his watch, still a few minutes before he had to get going. Although he had no plans for the rest of the night he was looking forward to the end of his shift. As much as he liked driving the bus, by Friday night all he wanted was to sit down somewhere quiet with a beer and not have to listen to the relentless chatter of people, young and old.

Faint voices carried through the night air and Brad again looked in the direction he was soon to drive. There was now a group of people, mostly young men by the looks of it, nearing the bus shelter. The group came to a stop when they reached the shelter and appeared to crowd in front of the young woman who was still seated. The voices he could hear were too faint to make anything of them.

He took another drag on his smoke and checked his watch. Something about his waiting passengers, the woman in particular, was making him uneasy. He didn’t have a sister or wife, but if he did he certainly wouldn’t want her traveling alone at night. He put out his cigarette, even though it was only half finished and it still wasn’t quite his timetabled time to leave, and maneuvered himself back into his seat. He wondered how some of his co-workers, with their middle age spread, managed to squeeze past the ticket machine to the drivers seat.

As he started the engine, closed the door and turned the headlights on Brad didn’t take his eyes off the group down the road. It was too dark to see what they were doing, they were all too close together. He put the bus into gear and pulled out behind a dark green Ford Falcon, the only other vehicle traveling on the road at that moment.

He traveled the several hundred metres to the shelter quite quickly and pulled up. He had been right, there was one woman and he counted six young men, probably in their twenties waiting at the shelter. The group only noticed his impending arrival at the sound of the high-pitched squeal of his worn brakes. Brad opened the door and turned the interior lights on. His eyes focused on the young woman, now standing and clutching her bag, and remained fixed. To him she looked shaken, frightened even. The young men were still crowded in front of her, now blocking her access to the bus, but made no move to themselves get on. Not a word had been spoken since Brad opened the bus’ doors and all eyes were on the woman.

“Excuse me fella’s, you want to get on the bus or get out of the way?” Brad eventually asked, more politely than he was inclined to be.

One by one the men turned to face him, still silent. Their expressions spoke volumes when they did face him. None of them were happy about his arrival, but slowly they stepped aside. Head down, the woman made her way to the bus and stepped onto the first step. As she did one man reached out and grabbed her by the elbow pulling her close to him and whispered something in her ear. Visibly shaking the woman freed her arm and climbed the remaining steps. Brad closed the door behind her and began to drive even before he’d taken her fare.

© 2005

Fiction Draft ~ Just One Night - Part 1

2006-10-19T11:00:00.000+10:00

8:15pm, Friday

Rose walked with her head held down, watching but not seeing as she crossed each crack in the concrete without stepping on even one. She was lost in her own world of thoughts as she made her way to the bus stop. Rose was twenty-five and had never found it necessary to get a drivers license. She lived and worked in areas where public transport was mostly reliable.

She was happy to be different, in fact she prided herself on those minor differences. While her peers had always dressed in their trendy label clothes, Rose always opted for comfort and her own tastes. When Rose turned seventeen and all her friends had booked their driving tests for their birthdays she had instead simply celebrated. Now as she reached the bus shelter, and read the timetable only to realise she had twenty minutes to wait, she sighed and sat on the dented aluminium seat. While the neighbourhood provided reliable public transport it wasn’t a place that made a young woman traveling alone at night feel safe.

Rose placed her handbag on her lap and opened it to look for her compact, turning sideways on the seat so that the streetlight above shed her some light. She found it at the bottom of the small bag and opened it to look into the small mirror. Having only spent half an hour getting herself ready Rose thought she had done well. Her make-up was flawless, although she still wasn’t sure the toffee lipstick had been the right choice. The time it took to get ready was reduced due to the new haircut she was sporting. Rose had shaved her hair very short, to the amazement of her family and friends and all in the name of charity, just a few weeks ago. She put the compact back in her bag, happy that she looked just as she had when she’d looked in the mirror before leaving home.

Crossing her legs and leaning back Rose again praised herself on her latest clothing purchase. The new charcoal jeans she was wearing were a size twelve and she had been surprised to fit into them. She was also glad that having lost some weight she hadn’t lost any from her chest. The pale pink singlet she had on made the most of her body’s natural curves.

As she sat Rose looked across the street. Watching the car park of the small local shopping centre slowly empty. Next to the centre was a McDonalds which, as is often the case, had become the meeting place for young people before they head out elsewhere. Rose watched as a group of young men walked through the car park, having just left the McDonalds, and made their way to cross the road. She counted six, but there may have been more, the shadows of the trees that lined the footpath made it hard to see clearly. Each of the men she could see, and now hear, as they got closer, seemed to be in their late teens or early twenties. Several of them were wearing white muscle shirts two sizes too small paired with pants two sizes too large. They apparently call that fashion, she thought to herself.

Rose looked up the street hoping the bus would arrive before the young men got much closer, but it wasn’t yet in sight. She was nervous, without really knowing why. Holding her bag just a little closer she reminded herself that not all young men in the area were thugs. All the articles in the local newspaper looking for young perpetrators of muggings, break and enters and an array of other crimes were the exception, not the rule. She felt only slightly more comfortable knowing that she always carried some money and her keys in the pocket of her jeans. If anyone wanted to take her handbag they could have it. This line of thought was not uncommon for Rose, she was at times overly cautious when it came to human nature, some may even call her slightly paranoid.

The group was at the side of the road when Rose looked back, waiting for several cars to leave the car park before they could cross. She could hear fragments of conversation, not enough to know what they were talking about, and occasionally the group would break into laughter. Just a group of friends heading somewhere for a good night, Rose thought to herself, I just hope they don’t need a bus to get there too. As the young men crossed the road Rose saw one of them look towards her and smile. She turned and looked up the street, again hoping to see an approaching bus.

© 2005

Revisiting Rose

2006-10-19T10:56:00.000+10:00

Back at the place that shall remain nameless I began to write a fictional story which I posted in parts as I did them. I never got around to finishing them at the time. Well I've managed to find it again (bit of drama there between nameless site going down, my failure to get around to transferring everything and a new computer) and I'm hoping over the next few weeks/months, depending on how long it ends up, to finish it off.

So I'm starting from the beginning again, I'll post the original 5 parts plus the 6th, which is written already, fairly quickly and then hopefully the rest at least regularly. I'm hoping that by doing this it will get me further back into my writing since I'm still not quite where I want to be, but I'm now wanting to write more.

So hope you all enjoy it, again.

Roundup

2006-10-16T10:55:00.000+10:00

Well we survived the holiday

Not quite as relaxing as I'd have liked

More social than I anticipated

But a good getaway none the less

Little Boy went back to school today

For once he looked forward to it

I'm not aware of further "buttplug" comments*

Three frustrating days searching for Brad and Rose

I found them, will get reacquainted this week hopefully

* Little Boy spent time with a couple of teenage boys while we were away and picked up some of their more colourful language, briefly

Howdy

2006-10-10T10:54:00.000+10:00

Just a quick note to say hello :-)

You've all been blogging away and I'll have to wait 'til I get home to catch up (apart from the rather entertaining shit happening over at Tom's blog hehe You are a bloody drama queen Tom). I've been down here 4days, or there abouts, yet it feels like at least twice that! Went to party, which was not as bad as I anticipated and I was drunk anyway. Have had people coming and going the whole time I've been here. Managed to get a swim in yesterday although it is debateable just how good an idea that was, it was a little cold. I haven't had my pen and paper out AT ALL, so that idea went out the window pretty quickly. Well that's it in a nutshell, will blog properly when I get home!

Off, off and almost away...

2006-10-05T10:52:00.000+10:00

Boring rambling to follow.....

I don't really have a lot to say but I wanted to blog before I went away so here it is. It's school holidays again and so I'm taking Little Boy down the coast for a few days. we don't leave until Friday afternoon but I think I'm going to be flat out before then. I'm actually looking forward to getting away for a few days, it should be interesting if nothing else.

I'll finally get to witness my sister's relationship first hand and see if I think as little of it after that as I do now. I'll be able to catch up with Dad and see how he's dealing with one less daughter at home (sort of). I'll be able to spend some time with my other Sis too. She's getting older now and I want to form that close relationship I now have with her sister. I should also be able to take more pics out and around the place, so much to capture down there.

Little Boy is looking forward to it all too, even if he does miss out on seeing the V8's run at Bathurst. I'm hoping it will be warm enough for us to get some swimming in, he could use the practice.

I'm also going to try to spend a little time each day writing. After my challenge to blog every day for a week, I'm now going to try to write every day for a week (you know, with a pen and paper) and maybe that will kick me back into gear properly.

Some Change, You don't

2006-09-28T10:52:00.000+10:00

My heart races and blood boils

I don't know why, I'm not surprised

It has always been the same

The intervals of reason are shortlived

Each ends with the selfish prick returning

It has always been this way, always will

I'm not surprised, I expect nothing else

Still, now and then, it gets under my skin

It annoys the fuck out of me, I'm pissed off

Eventually, you won't have the choice

At some point it will be completely out of your hands

My hope is that then you will open your eyes

You will realise all that you've taken for granted

You will see everything you've missed out on

The sad thing is, you probably never will...

Shhh

2006-09-26T10:45:00.000+10:00

Sometimes I need a little time to hide away

When I don't have to please anyone else

When I barely even want to speak

I don't have to curl into a ball in a corner

I don't have to shut myself away indoors

I can be on my own, hiding away, anywhere

In the most public of places, I managed this

To be quiet, to be alone, to focus my attention

Randomosity

2006-09-22T10:34:00.000+10:00

So my little self imposed challenge seemed to go well. I managed to do 7-8 posts in as many days. Perhaps not quite what I had hoped for as far as content goes but I still did it.

Now a week has passed with no posts again. The up side of this is that I don't feel like I'm stuck in that rut anymore, I just haven't had anything worth saying. I've started work on a few other little projects and so my creative energies have been elsewhere. I'm also going out tomorrow for the sole purpose of taking photos, which I'm really looking forward to.

So in a nutshell... all is good in my blogland head and I think I'm back to my normal (if maybe sporadic) posting.

Now I'm going back to watching the Swannies preliminary final. My prediction is that they'll get up by at least 4 goals! It's a big call for a finals game I know. I'll let you know in a few hours just how good my psychic powers are.

Update:

YAY SWANNIES!

Sydney 19.13 (127)
Fremantle 14.8 (92)

Grandfinal next week!

Perturbed

2006-09-15T10:32:00.000+10:00

I worry that you're becoming isolated

I don't think it's all that complicated

I'm not sure you know all that you need to

I don't think you see all that surrounds you

You're young and naive, yet so headstrong

Would you even admit if you'd been wrong?

The longer it lasts the more I'm concerned

I thought by now that you would have learned

With so much that you could do, become and be

I worry that you'll never be allowed to see...

Who would have thunk it

2006-09-14T01:31:00.000+10:00

Okay I'm really struggling today, so I took the easy way out and did a quiz, then another and another and another.... none of them very exciting or tell any earth shattering secrets about me hehe

Proper post tomorrow!

You're Totally Sarcastic

You sarcastic? Never! You're as sweet as a baby bunny.

Seriously, though, you have a sharp tongue - and you aren't afraid to use it.

And if people are too wimpy to deal with your attitutde, then too bad. So sad.

How Sarcastic Are You?

Your EQ is 133

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick!

51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese.

71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely.

91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that.

111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.

131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.

150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

You Are 35% Left Brained, 65% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning.

Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others.

If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic.

Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet.

The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility.

Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way.

If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art.

Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

You Are 72% Brutally Honest

Most of the time, you tell it like it is. Even if it's hard for people to hear.

Sometimes you hold back though, because you never want your honesty to be hurtful.

How Brutally Honest Are You?

Blah Blah Blah

2006-09-13T01:28:00.000+10:00

So this is Little Boy, like you needed to be told. This was taken a couple of years ago, three to be exact, but it's still one of my fave pics.

This little challenge I gave myself started out a hell of a lot better than I expected. It was all going well, until yesterday. I had full intentions of putting up some sort of entry but I got carried away going through and sorting old photos on all the unmarked CD's I had around my desk. Then I fell asleep before I could come back to write.

After five days straight of rain, today the sun came out, or at least tried to. I was quite thankful for that. I don't mind the rain, or the mud or even the dark, clouded days but it gets a little boring after a while. I can't even really complain about it without feeling little pangs of guilt. Having been in drought for so long and in dire need of rain it seems a little wrong to then whinge that things are too wet. I'm hoping the sun stays out tomorrow long enough for me to get washing done.

Having had more rain then we usually have for the entire month it was more than a little slushy. Dear, gorgeous, Little Boy reluctantly (is there any other way?) went off to school, without his soccer ball on my request. I got a phone call at lunch time. It seems it didn't matter if he had the ball or not, he still ended up covered top to toe in mud after slipping. Ordinarily it wouldn't bother me too much, after all what's a bit of washing. But he did the exact same thing yesterday afternoon at home, as we were rushing out the door already late! He came very close to getting a crash course in doing his own laundry.

The other major downside to all this rain was that I didn't get to go out and take photos as I'd planned on the weekend. I really want to play with my camera more, maybe even learn how to use it properly.

Okay I've done my obligatory blog post, boring and pointless as it may be, it is done. I figure I'm still on track since I did two in one day the other day, so yesterday's was covered..

Keep Smiling Folks ;-)

In the beginning

2006-09-10T10:25:00.000+10:00

A few years ago I spent some time doing a little photography at various motorsport events, mostly in Sydney. I'd never had much of an interest (other than the obligatory Bathurst weekend) before I met Little boy's father. When I met him he was an amateur photographer. While we were together he started his own business and got his foot in the door doing the motorsport photos semi-professionally. As a result of this I would go out to the track with him, spare media pass and second camera in hand, and play around.

Standing just on the other side of the concrete barriers and having cars fly past ended up being quite exciting for me. I absolutely fell in love with the sport and capturing it on film (we hadn't gone digital then). It could also be rather frustrating trying to get the "perfect" shot, or in my case just getting a decent shot at all. Many times we would find ourselves at one end of the track while all the action occurred at the other end. I would get almost giddy after finishing a roll that I thought may have just one good shot on it. I was always very impatient waiting to get the film developed, usually insisting we put the dozen rolls in that afternoon.

The photo above became my absolute favourite, I didn't need to crop it or sharpen it or anything, I loved it totally raw. Besides that I was absolutely chuffed that I'd managed to capture it in the first place. We were at Oran Park standing in the hollow of the "dogs leg" and could see only the small piece of track directly in front of us. The car is actually going slightly downhill but I had a habit of playing with angles. We could hear the cars coming and had to time it as they came over the hill towards us, it took me a while to get the hang of it.

Just when I thought I was getting the hang of taking photos of cars speeding past in a fraction of a second, we went to a motorbike/sidecar meeting and I realised I still had no clue what I was doing.

But I looked on the bright side, I might not have known what I was doing, but at least I wasn't doing something like this..

Here we go again...

2006-09-09T10:23:00.000+10:00

Okay you all endured my Finals Fever Frenzy last year when the Swannies ended up coming away with the grand final win. Well finals fever has hit me again, with the first weekend of finals footy upon us (I'm a little quicker this year).

The Sydney Swans met the West Coast Eagles tonight. We went in as an underdog of sorts on the Eagles home turf. The last 10 times these teams had met left a 5-5 win-loss record for each of them, but the record for Eagles home ground matches wasn't as even, actually it looked a little bleak for us (yeah okay I can't remember the exact numbers).

The first quarter started a little rough for us with the Eagles having over 70% possession of the ball in the first 10min. But that number was reversed in the first 10min of the next quarter. It was brilliant, intense and exciting football to watch for the entire game. The lead changed almost with each goal in the final quarter. I sat literally on the edge of my seat as the Swans took the lead in the final minutes and managed to hold onto it until the final siren sounded. We won by one point in the end, but the important part of that is that WE WON! Great performances from Hall (5 goals) and O'Loughlin (4 goals) were a joy to see. Now we get a week off.

West Coast - 12.12 (84)
Sydney - 13.7 (85)

Cheer, Cheer the Red and the White
Honour the name by day and by night
Lift that noble banner high
Shake down the thunder from the sky
Whether the odds be great or small
Swans will go in and win over all
While her loyal sons are marching
Onwards to victory

Grandparents - Part 1

2006-09-09T10:22:00.000+10:00

I've tried to think of 5 things to say about each of my grandparents (for the meme style entry) and haven't been able to come up with anything of real interest. Which got me to thinking about my grandparents in general. Some people have very close relationships with their parent's parents, but I can't claim that.

I have a few fond memories of my father's parents, or at least their old house. On further consideration though I think that has more to do with the location and the gathering of my many cousins when we were all young children than it does my grandparents. My paternal grandmother, Dulcie, is a very kind and giving woman, I love her dearly. She lived with her husband for many years in a house directly across the road from a beach, in a small coastal community. I remember visiting, along with all of my cousins, and feeding the birds in the front yard. We would put birdseed in our hands, sometimes even on our heads, and stand very still and we would soon have lorikeets flocking to feed off of us. We'd sit little pieces of raw meat along the railing of the verandah and wait for the kookaburras to come and have their meal with us too. My grandmother would often times spend the morning baking and we would eat biscuits warm from the oven. My grandfather, Tom, was quite simply a cranky old bastard. He would sit in his chair on the verandah and bark orders at his wife and make the most inapporpriate jokes. I actually picture him sitting there with a pair of underwear on his head, not just a ridiculous mental image but a memory.

Dulcie remained married to Tom for far too many years. He was an abusive father when his children were young and most likely an abusive husband. He was never a kind man in my own eyes, nor many of his grandchildren's. For most of my life I've known him as "Crank". She did eventually leave him, a very brave move (in my opinion) from a woman growing up in the era she did. I think by that stage they had been married for the better part of 40years. After their divorce Crank remarried, Dulcie never has.

I saw Crank only twice, that I can remember, with his next wife. The first was at one of my cousin's wedding. The second was about two years after that at another cousin's 21st birthday party. On this second occasion I had my 8mth old son with me, Crank's first born great-grandchild. On seeing my son the only comment that dear old Crank made was that my son "took after his father, he's an ugly buggar." I think it was at this time I really decided that I didn't care for a relationship with him at all. He passed away several years ago from bowel cancer. I didn't shed a tear and didn't attend the funeral.

In complete contrast Dulcie was one of the first to call me in hospital when I had Little boy. She was also among the first to send a present, a small silver money box engraved for my son. While I don't see her very much, she remains my favourite grandparent and is always thought of with nothing other than love. I travelled, with my Dad and sisters, up to celebrate her 80th birthday last year. She's frail and showing the signs of her age much more now, but she is happy and continues to smile. I'm glad that Little Boy has had a few chances to meet and enjoy his great-grandmother's company.

These are the people who gave life to my father and raised him. I know and have seen the impact they have had on him over the years, both the positives and the negatives. While I haven't had a close relationship with them I am of course thankful for many things they are responsible for.

A True Legend

2006-09-08T10:20:00.000+10:00

Growing up in Australia it was hard not to become a fan of Motorsport for at least one weekend a year. The October long weekend was time for "The Mountain" to be conquered by the best man. As a kid there was only one driver's name I knew and that was Peter "Brocky" Brock. He was a living legend who ultimately conquered the mountain nine times, rightfully earning him the title King of the Mountain.

By my late teens and when I met Little Boy's father, a mad motorsport fan, I was able to see him race before he retired. He had a legion of fans that spanned all ages. He was at least partly responsible for my own interest in the sport gathering momentum. Not only was he great behind the wheel but he was a nice bloke, a true gentleman. He set the standard for future drivers.

Even after retiring, Brocky was a major ambassador for Motorsport in this country, and continued to race occasionally. Today, at the age of 61, he died doing what he loved and he will be missed by many.

[SIZE="3"]RIP Brocky[/SIZE]
Feb 26, 1945 - Sept 8, 2006

It's a start

2006-09-07T10:20:00.000+10:00

Ok so I have a few ideas running around in my head but I need a little more time to get them down. Besides I figured this was as good a place as any to start, and it took me as long to do as a normal entry would, if not longer.

So I stole the idea from Originalism who got it from some else, you know how it all goes. I made my very own little quiz for you all to go and do right now. I don't have the patience to make it a long one and I didn't want to bore you too much.

One down... ;-)

EDIT: Just noticed that half of question 8 has gone missing.. it relates to female friends if you didn't catch on.

I've had enough...

2006-09-07T10:19:00.000+10:00

Okay I'm setting myself a challenge of sorts. I've decided that for the next 7-10days I WILL be writing a blog entry each day! I have no idea what they will be or about but hey I'm going to blog!

This one doesn't count hehe

It's All About

2006-09-03T10:18:00.000+10:00

There are some people who think only of themselves

At times I'm surprised when I recognise one of these people

Other times I expect nothing more from one I already knew

Even knowing this, I'm still disappointed by an action

Maybe I'm just kicking myself for hoping for change

Perhaps it's just that I'd like to be more selfish

An Admission

2006-08-17T10:14:00.000+10:00

Hello my name is Ted and I am a scrabble-a-holic.

The last game I played ended 9hrs and 46min ago.

I have come to the conclusion that since my blogging has basically come to a standstill, I've had to replace it with another outlet for words and this has come in the form of scrabble (Yes, it sounds just as ridiculous to me). It has also given my overly competitive and cocky side an outlet. The more I win, the more I want to play.

Just like a sex addict I'm not picky about who my fix comes from, I don't even have to know their name. As long as I'm getting it hard and fast, with the occasional slow, tension building fix in between, I don't care. You don't even have to respect me afterwards. On further thought perhaps this new addiction is a replacement for sex.

Even when I'm not playing I find myself working out prospective scores if used on double or triple word squares. The ever elusive (70pts right there*) seven letter words plague my waking(28) and sleeping(72) thoughts.

I've also moved into the realm(14) of "dealing", introducing my mother to the offending site a few weeks ago. I was of the belief that as she used to beat me playing old school scrabble on a board, that she may be a worthy opponent. I've since realised I was very much mistaken, it is now painful(74) to play against her and watch her give away triples, among other offences, repeatedly.

The positive(76) side of this is that I'm constantly increasing my vocabulary. Being of a curious nature I often find myself checking the meanings of words allowed which, until then, I'd never heard of. I must admit I know more words than I know meanings as most of the time I'm simply more interested in remembering them for my next game. I would never have known that words such as zo, zoon, zooid and zoonic existed(80) and were all to do with animals, or that a dzo is a hybrid of a yak and a cow.

I do not plan on giving up any time soon, and I guess if it has allowed me to write this entry (sad as it may be), which is the most I've written in one go in literally months, then it can't be all bad.

Oh and Ben if you're not already a member of the ISC, may I suggest you become one. I figured I could play you for your usual stakes of sexual favours, just in my case you could pay up to (or collect from) Heiny and he could thank me later.

*This score and subsequent scores are based on a double word square being used and take into account the 50pt bonus for all tiles being used, but do not take into account any secondary words

Plodding Along

2006-08-09T09:57:00.000+10:00

Some would assume my silence indicates a life

I can assure you that is not the case

I'm still travelling the same old path

I'm not getting any, but...

2006-08-03T09:47:00.000+10:00

Ok everyone else is doing these, I did the first one back at the other place so I'm just reposting it... I never got around to the second one so here it is now..

I have had sex while wearing a blindfold.
I have blindfolded someone else during sex.
I have had sex while watching porn.
I have had sex while surfing porn on the Internet.
I sleep better after sex.
There are some nights I cannot sleep without sex or masturbating.
The bed is NOT my most favorite place to have sex.
I am turned on knowing someone is watching me masturbate.
I have masturbated for someone over a web cam.
I have had sex over a web cam.
I will have sex with someone I just met if they turn me on. have done in the past, don't think I would now but I never say never ;-)
I have been tied up during sex.
I have had sex with someone who was tied up.
I have dripped wax onto a lover's body.
I have had a lover drip wax onto my body.
I have a foot fetish.
I have a leather fetish.
I have a tickle fetish.
I like being choked during sex.
I have had sex in a burning building. (wtf???)
I have erotic art on display somewhere in my residence.
I enjoy nudie magazines. sometimes, but not enough to go out and buy them
Erotic toys are a regular part of my budget.
I think PLAYBOY is tame, maybe even boring.
I have clicked on porn links in my email.
I know the difference between girl/girl and lesbian sex in porn.
I have watched more than one gay/lesbian porn video.
Much of what I know about sex comes from porn.
Interracial sex turns me on.
I think we should do more to understand the cultures of sex.
I would participate in sex research given the opportunity.
My current lover does not sufficiently meet my sexual needs. since my only current lover is myself I'm definitely not happy! (that's what I said 8months ago, my lover hasn't changed but i'm a little more content now)
I currently have a "crush" on someone of the same sex.
I have had sex at my place of employment.
I am often disappointed in my sexual relationships.
Some people might describe me as a nymphomaniac. They have, if only they could see me now
I am difficult to live with if I'm not having sex on a regular basis. (again that's what I said 8months ago, now I just believe I'm always difficult to live with, nothing to do with sex)
I sleep better with someone snuggled up next to me.
I have had sex under water.
I have had sex in the snow.
I am in a polyamorous relationship.
I have to have music playing while having sex.
I have had more than ten orgasms in one night. it was a very long night ;-)
I have flashed strangers.
I have given sex as a gift.
I have set-up a three-way for my lover.
I stopped during this list to have sex.

1. Have you ever had sex in the snow (clothed or otherwise)?
No

2. Have you thought about sex yet today?
Only a handful of times..

3. Do you think prostitution should be legal?
yep

4. How important is a great sex life for your life satisfaction and happiness?
I used to think it was essential, i've learnt there is life after sex and i'm much happier not having to deal with another person (for now anyway).

5. Would you most likely have oral sex or intercourse first in a new relationship?
oral is just foreplay...

6. Have you ever broken up with someone because the sex was not great?
It doesn't have to be "great" all the time, i'd settle for good sometimes, but yes i've broken up with someone because the sex was terrible.

7. How would you like your partner to introduce new sexual activities?
often....

8. With your present or most recent regular partner, do you schedule sex or let it happen spontaneously?
I never schedule it...

9. Have you ever pulled your partner's hair during lovemaking?
I don't think so, i've left a few scratches down some backs though...

10. Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex?
yep

11. What's your take on sex in the shower?
It's all good..

12. Have you ever slept with someone due to drunkenness?
yep

13. What's your take on snowballing (passing semen back and forth orally)?
is that when you forget to swallow?

14. Have you ever accidentally called your sexual partner by another name during sex?
don't think so..

15. What's your take on female lubrication?
wet is good..

16. Have you ever had food (veggies, sausages) inserted into your vagina?
nope

17. What do you generally think about during sex?
you're not meant to think, better to feel..

18. Have you ever visited a nude beach or a nudist park?
nope

19. During penetration, what is your preferred style?
I have a couple of faves, but like variety..

20. How do you feel about having sex with your partner even though you aren't really in the 'mood'?
I'm not often not in the mood, and I'm easily persuaded, but if it ain't happening it just ain't going to happen..

21. Have you ever tasted your own vaginal secretions/ejaculate?
yep

22. Can you feel the muscular contractions of your partner's genitals when s/he reaches orgasm?
yep, and I like to tease with those "contractions" too..

23. Do you talk to your friends about your sex life?
as i don't have one, not much to talk about at the moment, ordinarily only sometimes..

24. Have you ever seen other people having sex, and if so, how close were you to them?
yes, ummm just out of reach and didn't know them..

25. Are you happy with the appearance of your genitals?
uhh i guess so..

26. Does your partner know exactly the number of sexual partners you've had in your lifetime?
I'm not sure I know exactly...

27. What do you think is the ideal age for losing your virginity?
everyone's ideal is different, i was not quite 15..

28. When you start dating a new person, on which date do you usually have sex?
has been on the first, has been several weeks/months later, depends on the chemistry..

29. Have you ever slept with a friend?
yep

30. Do you use sex toys?
not often..

31. Do you enjoy anal sex?
nope

32. How often do you have sex?
at the moment it's ohh about once in 18+months....

33. What's your biggest turn on?
uhhh so many different things

34. What's your biggest turn off?
men at the moment...

35. Ever had sex in a public place? Where was it?
yep, beach, park, national park.. they're the first that come to mind..

36. Have you had sex with more than one person (a threesome or group sex)?
nope

37. Ever been embarrassed being caught having sex?
can't remember ever being caught..

38. Have you ever had sex while tied up or blindfolded?
yep, both..

39. How often do you generally orgasm during sex?
It he's doing it right, at least 3 times..

40. How would you define your sexual orientation/preference?
I guess has to be straight... but open..

I know it's a poor excuse for a blog, hopefully I'll have something more soon. i do appreciate all of you still coming by :-)

In 30? no 20min..

2006-07-16T10:43:00.000+10:00

ok it's after 2am ... i've had a few drinks and i've had enough of this not blogging bullshit!!!

So i'll make my excuses now for typos and language ... if it's bad .. too bad!!! (oh and my apologies)

I'm now going to start the clock and see how i go.....

2.09am

So why am I drinking, for starters... No real reason hehe ... Tom left not too long ago and we'd decided to have a few drinks together just 'cos we hadn't for a while. I had an inspection on my place today. The owners came this morning (after not seeing the place for almost 3yrs) and while it doesn't really stress me leading up to today it did thisd morning.. But all went well and it was over in about 15min .. what a waste of stress!

It's holidays for Little Boy... has been for almost 2weeks, he goes back to school on Tuesday. I can't say that it has been much of a struggle, he's been with my Mum most of this week. We had a wedding last w/e and he's been there since. He came home on Friday, a little sick but not too bad, was home for about 6hrs and was then off to his fathers... I'm not even going to go there...

I haven't had Little Miss at all this last week ... so basically i've had nothing on my plate .. and almost nothing on my mind. This whole no writing bullshit and no blogging crap has still been bugging me to a degree but i've just decided to let it run it's course. I don't care if I write dribble or ... actually i only ever write dribble ... or nothing i'm just going with it.

The world cup came and went with only a little mention from me, probably because the only other mention it would have had would have been unrecognisable through the foul language had i typed it when i thought it. The wedding was good.. or at least an excuse to get drunk for the first time in quite a while.. but still a non-event and so went unwritten. The week procrastinating came and went. I've had a little more contact with Brother's new live-in g/f but even that is not worth putting into words.

The only thing i've been feeling is missing my boy, and that gets boring in blogland and besides i'm not sure i could put it all into words that would make sense to anyone.

Bloody Tom went out and bought "Guitar hero" and managed to get me hooked on that. He's also the reason I've been drinking tonight but then he went home and piked nice and early.

Phil blogged the other day, yes i've been reading if not commenting, about a dream he had. His one (as far as interpretation goes) was pretty straight forward even if it sounded a littel weird in his description. Well, anyway, last night i had a dream which was a little weird, especially since it was the second time i'd had it... i haven't looked anything up yet to try to get some sort of "meaning" from it. I was basically standing somewhere, who knows where, with my arms raised out at shoulder height and with a bear on each side with my hands in their mouths. They were biting my hands but hadn't broken the skin, basically just crushing the bones. I wasn't freaked out by them exactly but i didn't like it (makes sense now) and then someone, I don't know who although i did "know" them, came up with a gun and blew the bears' heads off. Was kinda weird the first time i dreamt it... the second time just a little more freaky!

Well it's 2.29 now, only 20min but I want a smoke so i'm cutting this now... you're going to have to deal with the bullshit i type until my mojo comes back :-)

Same Same

2006-07-06T10:42:00.000+10:00

In general I don't like coming across blogs where the writer feels the need to explain a lack of posts, yet here I find myself. I don't so much feel the need to explain myself to you, any of you who may read this, but I feel the need to work out a "why" for myself.

This topic came up during a chat tonight. A theory was put to me about why I've been in such a funk as far as my writing goes.

"I think it has to do with the overprotective life you're living"

"yup. you've shut yourself away from emotional investment."

"so now, while safe and sound in your cacoon, life has become dull and routine."

Now while I don't completely disagree with any of that (although I'm not sure I like the word "overprotective") I don't think it explains my problem. No matter where I've been at in life, I've always had the will to write. In the last few years that writing has been in blog form, for the most part, but not all. These last few weeks/months (I don't even know how long) I have had no desire to write at all, in any form. My life at the moment is rather settled, and yes I'm single. I guess that means I'm not emotionally invested in too many people, and certainly not anyone new. This has been the case for the last 18mths or so, and it is only in recent months that I've found myself in a funk.

"yes, you have. but sooner or later, you were going to run dry of emotions to talk about, daily events to share, the trials and tribulations of life."

"you've settled into a routine and maybe that's what you really need, I can't possibly say for sure, but it's a fairly quiet and peaceful time for you right now which really slays the desire to spill your guts."

Again I don't disagree completely but, there's always a but, it doesn't explain it to me. Part of what has been driving me mad lately is that my lack of desire to write has extended to commenting on your blogs. I still read and enjoy so many people's writing but when I get to the end of it where I'd normally say something, nothing is there (or very little). As much as I want to let people know that what they write has again touched me, made me think or laugh, words don't cooperate.

I've never been one to write about the daily goings on of my life. I write what I feel, what I think or I just babble about what ever takes my fancy at the time. While my life is settled I definitely still have things that I would ordinarily write. I don't need to have a significant someone in my life to bring my emotions to the surface. I continue to question myself and my life, I still have plenty to say, to share. I just don't know how or when I'll be able to.

Hopefully this entry signifies some sort of return to "normal" blogging for me.

Out of my Depth?

2006-06-27T10:40:00.000+10:00

I've never really looked at parenting as black and white

There isn't really a right and wrong way of doing things

Although there are some definite "things not to do"

When I found out I was pregnant I was terrified

I was not much more than a child myself, I had no clue

I loved being a mother from the very first moment

I struggled to work out the practical side of having a baby

From the feeds, to the deciphering of cries, to walking and talking

Yet I managed, mostly on my own from when Little Boy was young

As he grew from a baby to toddler and into Little Boy, I grew as a Mum

I am still learning what my role is as he discovers the world and who he is

I'm working out that the years until now were truly the "easy" part

I'm once again doubting myself and my actions in parenting him

I'm realising that I have nothing to go on, no "ideal" or "worst case"

I can only allow him to be who he is, and help guide him to who he wants to be

I'm constantly asking if what I'm doing is enough...

Insipid

2006-06-21T10:33:00.000+10:00

This whole no writing thing is starting to annoy me now. I've had this window open at least half a dozen times today, ready to blog and still nothing happens.

I've had no real highs and no real lows that compel me to write and I've had nothing come naturally. When I blog (or write in any form) I don't think about what I want to say. I don't make sure something is worded properly or that it makes sense. I write what is foremost in my mind, in whatever form that comes. I like it this way. But there is an exception to everything. Now I find myself wanting to put pen to paper, or cursor to screen, and there is absolutely nothing there. When I say "nothing" I mean NOTHING!

My mood along with my life has been rather bland the last few weeks. While that's not necessarily a bad thing it certainly limits creativity.

My New Hero

2006-06-13T10:29:00.000+10:00

For the first time ever I've just watched an entire soccer match, a World Cup one none the less. OMFG what a match! I think Tim Cahill just may be my new hero*! First ever goal for Aus in a WC and then the win!

Australia 3 - Japan 1

* Yes I know there is nothing all that heroic about soccer, but we are a sport loving nation!

Funk

2006-06-10T10:27:00.000+10:00

I'm still around

Nothing to write

I will when there is

Everybody is doing it...

2006-05-31T10:23:00.000+10:00

Well my computer is fixed, not that there was all that much wrong with it.. it just didn't like to stay on.. I did this the other day but didn't get to post it..

Some of it is surprisingly accurate.. the rest is bullshit.. you decide..

You are an Analyst

Your attention to detail, confidence, sense of order, and focus on functionality combine to make you an ANALYST.

You are very curious about how things work, delving into the mechanics behind things.

Along those lines, how well something works is usually more important to you than what it looks like.

You find beauty and wonder mainly in concrete, functional, earthly things.

You are very aware of your own abilities, and you believe that you will find the best way of doing things.

Accordingly, problems do not intimidate you, as you believe in yourself.

You trust yourself to find solutions within the boundaries of your knowledge.

You don't spend a lot of time imagining how things could be different—you're well-grounded in the here-and-now.

It is important for you to follow a routine, and you prefer the familiar to the unknown.

Your independent streak allows you to make decisions efficiently and to trust your instincts

You do your own thing when it comes to clothing, guided more by practical concerns than by other people's notions of style.

Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you.

If you want to be different:

Try to embrace the imaginative, creative part of your personality more often.

Try moving beyond the things that you find comfortable—open yourself up to a broader range of experiences.
how you relate to others

You are Advocating

Being social, empathic, and understanding makes you ADVOCATING.

Some people find being around others exhausting—but not you! You are energized by spending time with friends, and you are good at meeting new people.

One of the reasons you enjoy conversation as much as you do is that you often learn about yourself while talking things out with a friend; you realize things about your own beliefs while discussing them with others.

You have insight into what others are thinking and feeling. This ability allows you to be happy for others, and to commiserate when something has gone wrong for them.

You are highly compassionate, and being conscious of how things affect those close to you leaves you cautious about trusting others too hastily.

Despite these reservations, you are open-minded when it comes to your worldview; you don't look to impose your ways on others.

Your sensitivity towards others' plights contributes to an understanding—both intellectual and emotional—of many different perspectives.

As someone who understands the complexities of the world around you, you are reluctant to pass judgments.

Your independent streak allows you to make decisions efficiently and to trust your instincts

You do your own thing when it comes to clothing, guided more by practical concerns than by other people's notions of style.

Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you.

If you want to be different:

While it's important to think about others, don't forget to take some time for yourself, and occassionally to put yourself first.

Take some time to spend with a few close friends; although it's difficult to find people to trust, it's worth the effort.

When you have great ideas, it can be hard to relinquish control, but it can also feel good to take the pressure off and enjoy someone else leading the way.